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ok, so i'm single, and i thought i'd internet date and... i only attract perverts - please come and read my profile and tell me why

116 replies

civilfawlty · 12/05/2009 21:14

as in the title really. been on my own with dd (5 1/2) since she was born. had one wonderful relationship which is now over. (but i'm ok about that.) and various flings which were really fun. and i'm open to either option now - i've just started a new job and i'm busy so, while if i met someone incredible, i'd find time... someone really fun would also be brilliant.

anyway - if this isnt too weird, i'm going to post my profile in the hope that a genius mn-er (or two) will tell me what i'm doing wrong.

btw - all my friends think it sounds just like me... and its on the guardian site.

PROFILE about me:
I'm sitting in my garden, in the evening sun, tucked under a blanket. I feel happy, and sleepy and pretty content dontchaknow. Things are good:

I have a job I absolutely love, a plethora of marvellous friends (even if they dont all get on as well as one might want. curious isnt it? you'd think if i like them... anyway. i digress) and a jolly nice flat (which I have accidentally painted various shades of grey. its less 'grey' than it sounds). Other charming things include a predilection for feeding people (I may infact be my nana reincarnated. apologies in advance for trying to make you happy with chicken soup. also, while i think of it, for 'curvaceous', read nigella, not j lo. just for clarity. anyway...), a passion for cinema (not chick flicks you'll be pleased to know) and art and architecture and the like. oh, and i do like a long walk.

i should also put in some caveats i think. I've got a terrible memory and cant remember people's names at cruelly crucial moments, I'm shy (even though I seem confident) and I have timekeeping 'issues'.

end on a good note, end on a good note... I have pink toes. boys like that, right?

about my ideal match:

right. blimey. potential match. er... hello.

I always fall for the bright boys, so that would be a winner. less of the caustic, difficult clever thing though, I think I'm over that now. gentle/witty/considerate clever works. the kind of clever that wins debates. and chess. and poker. (I'm assuming you inferred from my name that I quite like to play cards, yessiree.) ach, i dont know. be funny and sparkly and an amazing kisser. like being cooked for. think 'no country for old men' was a great film. ooh, i know: i do like a flat cap on a boy. hanker after getting out of the city, if not permanently, then at least for a bit. ask questions (be interested in your surroundings and other people). be bold and confident. be able to tell me to pack it in when I'm being obstinate. find my clumsiness endearing.

deal breakers include thinking 'million dollar baby' was a good film (this is not a metaphor); specifying the ethnicity of your ideal match and generally right wing views.

these essential truths aside, I have no fixed ideas about this. honest guv. although, ummm... ray la montagne would be just dandy. or stephen fry. or house. but thats it, really. or ricky gervais. ok. really. i'm stopping now. seriously.

and it would be absolutely dreamy if you had a beard and wrote brilliantly. she said, drumming her fingers on the keyboard. oh, and... hurry up.

OP posts:
thesilverlining · 15/05/2009 19:53

the guardian has a dating website??!!!!

Maybe thats part of it.....its not very "mainstream" iykwim in the land of internet dating (or is it - I am soooooo not good at this??!!)

If I was a fairly average, normal kind a guy who is looking for a nice lady to get to know - I think I might be intimidated a little by your intelligence

AND BEFORE I GET FLAMED! I know thats wrong but men often get scared of very obviously intelligent women. As a woman I think your entry is fab - I love it! You sound like someone I'd love to have as a friend....but I think soem otherwise lovely men would be a little nervous of contacting you - maybe they feel they aren't good enough for you?......just a thought.

Ummm apologies if I have repeated someone else but am bad person cos didn't have time to read the whole thread!

ninah · 15/05/2009 20:00

'niceguy' great resume

InternationalFlight · 15/05/2009 20:03
ninah · 15/05/2009 20:05

not just you
I think I will stick to the nasties

InternationalFlight · 15/05/2009 20:08

Niceguy the thing about your 'next move, either keep bashing away trying to convince me you are worthy'...well, if after several emails I'm still not giving you any inroads, youre probably not! So you can move on safe in the knowledge that continued plugging isn't going to take you anywhere with me.

I'd have stopped answering by then anyway, I don't keep people hanging on if they're not for me.

InternationalFlight · 15/05/2009 20:09

Thanks Ninah

ninah · 15/05/2009 20:15

No probs
I am one of those irritating women that gossip online using nicknames etc
my real name isn't even ninah?!
I think niceguy has got a nicegf online, after some time as a 'player' so I'm sure he can excuse the rest of us our trials and errors
Innit
back to earth

InternationalFlight · 15/05/2009 20:17

no way! You mean, you're not...not...no, you must be. Your name is Ninah! Therefore you are Ninah!

Which is your favourite neuron?

ninah · 15/05/2009 20:24

No it's not that Nina - Nina H after Nina Hamnett pisshead and artist 1930s
Maybe I am mistaken but niceguy didn't you find perfect trophy gf after being a player online etc? the link would be great thanks
I am not being denigrating using the term trophy btw I am after a trophy bf

ninah · 15/05/2009 20:25

ps sorry for the hijack nude blanket lady

InternationalFlight · 15/05/2009 20:37

Ah will have to google her! sounds interesting.

InternationalFlight · 15/05/2009 20:38

Lol at nude blanket lady

civilfawlty · 15/05/2009 21:23

nude blanket lady here!

except - i wasnt nude. it was just a bit chilly. doesn't anyone else ever sit under a blanket just so they can be outside???

OP posts:
Remotew · 15/05/2009 21:36

I haven't read the whole thread, sorry just skimmed. I think you sound intelligent and witty and know what you want on your profile and cannot understand how you are attracting weirdos.

Guardian's to me are liberal, fell walkers so not really my type.

Agree that men will look at your photo first then not pay that much attention to what you say hence getting messages of the very types you have said you don't want.

My successful friends with this internet dating lark have mainly had photos that are distant, full body shots. The men have been satisfied with the body type, age, looks wise and delighted when a well scrubbed up women turns up on the date.

scarletteames · 19/05/2009 13:46

Honestly?
You sound nice and intelligent, but it does come across a bit ditsy and flakey. A little too much self analysis. Perhaps hard work?
Sounds a little like an extract from a blog.

Niceguy2 · 19/05/2009 14:46

Hi Ninah

Sorry for late reply, i've not been online much over last few days.

Yes I met a lovely woman online (not on a dating site ironically) who is now my GF but she's far from a "trophy". Yes she's attractive but at the same time she has a brain.

Oh and 'InternationalFlight' I'm far from angry with women. In fact I have several very good purely platonic female friends in real life. I can see how you may draw that conclusion but after months of Internet dating and learning what works/doesn't work, i'm way more cynical about the process. Perhaps if your still Internet dating in a few months you'll become a cynic like me.

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