Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

ok, so i'm single, and i thought i'd internet date and... i only attract perverts - please come and read my profile and tell me why

116 replies

civilfawlty · 12/05/2009 21:14

as in the title really. been on my own with dd (5 1/2) since she was born. had one wonderful relationship which is now over. (but i'm ok about that.) and various flings which were really fun. and i'm open to either option now - i've just started a new job and i'm busy so, while if i met someone incredible, i'd find time... someone really fun would also be brilliant.

anyway - if this isnt too weird, i'm going to post my profile in the hope that a genius mn-er (or two) will tell me what i'm doing wrong.

btw - all my friends think it sounds just like me... and its on the guardian site.

PROFILE about me:
I'm sitting in my garden, in the evening sun, tucked under a blanket. I feel happy, and sleepy and pretty content dontchaknow. Things are good:

I have a job I absolutely love, a plethora of marvellous friends (even if they dont all get on as well as one might want. curious isnt it? you'd think if i like them... anyway. i digress) and a jolly nice flat (which I have accidentally painted various shades of grey. its less 'grey' than it sounds). Other charming things include a predilection for feeding people (I may infact be my nana reincarnated. apologies in advance for trying to make you happy with chicken soup. also, while i think of it, for 'curvaceous', read nigella, not j lo. just for clarity. anyway...), a passion for cinema (not chick flicks you'll be pleased to know) and art and architecture and the like. oh, and i do like a long walk.

i should also put in some caveats i think. I've got a terrible memory and cant remember people's names at cruelly crucial moments, I'm shy (even though I seem confident) and I have timekeeping 'issues'.

end on a good note, end on a good note... I have pink toes. boys like that, right?

about my ideal match:

right. blimey. potential match. er... hello.

I always fall for the bright boys, so that would be a winner. less of the caustic, difficult clever thing though, I think I'm over that now. gentle/witty/considerate clever works. the kind of clever that wins debates. and chess. and poker. (I'm assuming you inferred from my name that I quite like to play cards, yessiree.) ach, i dont know. be funny and sparkly and an amazing kisser. like being cooked for. think 'no country for old men' was a great film. ooh, i know: i do like a flat cap on a boy. hanker after getting out of the city, if not permanently, then at least for a bit. ask questions (be interested in your surroundings and other people). be bold and confident. be able to tell me to pack it in when I'm being obstinate. find my clumsiness endearing.

deal breakers include thinking 'million dollar baby' was a good film (this is not a metaphor); specifying the ethnicity of your ideal match and generally right wing views.

these essential truths aside, I have no fixed ideas about this. honest guv. although, ummm... ray la montagne would be just dandy. or stephen fry. or house. but thats it, really. or ricky gervais. ok. really. i'm stopping now. seriously.

and it would be absolutely dreamy if you had a beard and wrote brilliantly. she said, drumming her fingers on the keyboard. oh, and... hurry up.

OP posts:
Mumofagun · 12/05/2009 21:32

Well I'd fight you for the one that responds! For the type of bloke you're looking for you sound absolutely brilliant iykwim. You are obviously very intelligent, very funny and very open. I think it's great. Don't lower your standards! Do they exist? If you get more than one response can you let me know, I'll take the spare!

ridingjoker · 12/05/2009 21:33

oh i love it. when did you put this on? any replies yet? no idea why you shouldn't.

there's plenty of info in there for any potential suitors to drop you a line about.

Mumofagun · 12/05/2009 21:39

I had to re-read it cos I can't see why perverts specifically are getting any sort of green light. Maybe change where you put your profile if that's been your experience?

Noonki · 12/05/2009 21:39

sounds fantastic... I would probably reply if I wasnt a straight married woman !

you sound quite posh if you dont mind me saying so (blimey etc) but that shouldnt attract to many perverts should it!

let us know how you get on

civilfawlty · 12/05/2009 21:44

thank you folks - 7 email. all intimating some kind of dark sexual practises with varying degrees of precision.

what am i doing wrroooooooong (she wailed)...?

oh, and, yep - a bit posh. my voice and so on. soz.

OP posts:
used2bthin · 12/05/2009 21:44

Oh! That is way way better than my profile! I need to change mine actually, I don't seem to be having much luck either. I wonder if its more about the dating site? I have heard that some are better than others for not attracting odd types. I'm on match which seems fairly good. I'm on my six months free though so obviously not THAT good!

civilfawlty · 12/05/2009 21:45

i'm on guardian... am i being terribly naive thinking it would be populated by sound generally left wing boys who will take me out for supper?

OP posts:
VinoEsmeralda · 12/05/2009 21:49

Its the opening! I'm sitting in my garden, in the evening sun, tucked under a blanket. I feel happy, and sleepy and pretty content dontchaknow. Things are good:

Leave that out and you'll be fine I am sure!

Mumofagun · 12/05/2009 21:52

I didn't think "generally right wing views" went hand in hand with the word "Guardian". I might be wrong but......? Am I being ignorant?! Sorry if I am.

Mumofagun · 12/05/2009 21:54

Think I totally misread you post at the end. Am slinking away quietly....

guttedseptic · 12/05/2009 21:55

Your post is absolutely brilliant. Wish I could come up with something like that!

Anyway, it's not your post. It doesn't matter what you write, you will always get perverts... I've had some great pics of boys with machine guns, you name it. One would think the guardian would be better but...

Haven't tried the guardian myself, and well, haven't actually done the whole online thing in a while. Can you block people without pics, proper profiles, with certain criteria??

Yurtgirl · 12/05/2009 21:56

Well..... tbh I can think of a few reasons why your profile may attract not quite normal men!

For starters you have said you have "a predilection for feeding people" - that phrase is probably likely to attract men that want you to feed them........

The first sentance saying "I am sitting in my garden....." - I dont know quite why but would in my opinion attract fantasists or other odd ball types!

Its way better than most of the ones I have read written by men though and better than mine too I reckon - Thus far I have attracted a man aged 40 who lives with his mum and his dog

Heated · 12/05/2009 22:02

You sound witty & erudite - and probably very eye-catching in the midst of quite samey descriptions, so maybe you just have to filter out the dross?

The only bit that might be misinterpreted: "cant remember people's names at cruelly crucial moments" - maybe they think you call out the wrong name whilst in the throws?! Otherwise, dunno.

missyoung · 12/05/2009 22:04

It sounds good, god knows where the pervs are coming from.

However, I can recommend plentyoffish.com - i've chatted (though not personally quite ready to meet up with yet) some lovely local men!

And only 2 pervs out of about 20 messages!

civilfawlty · 12/05/2009 22:04

omg heated - had never thought of that before. i meant in job interviews and at parties. tee hee...

yurt - point taken also - will ammend immediately.

god - its so complicated.

OP posts:
used2bthin · 12/05/2009 22:04

I was on the Guardian too, well I still am but am not fully on it as I haven't paid subscription. I thought it seemed a great place to meet someone but actually didn't have any luck either, not even a conversation with anyone interesting. I think my profile was probably a bit boring though, I think yours is great for the Guardian. Yes maybe try taking out the first bit as others suggest. Or try getting a male friend to read through it, I had a male friend write my profile on my single friend and he did it completely differently to how I would have done it but he said he knows what will get men to read more!

ninah · 12/05/2009 22:50

I think it is the pink toes 'boys'
and if you want total honesty it sounds like you are trying a bit too hard to sound upbeat and interesting
but don't take my word for it, I haven't pulled anyone majorly classy yet

ChasingSquirrels · 12/05/2009 23:00

bloody hell - I'd umm, want you (but then I've been separated for over a year and would probably crumble at the first bit of geniune attention).
It's WAY WAY WAY better than mine.
Have your tried pof? I got a handful of normal replies, then put a pick on last week and it has gone wild - although I'm not interested in most of them.
It is a reasonably good pic of me though - on my profile on here I think.

ChasingSquirrels · 12/05/2009 23:03

ignore my appauling grammar, it's late.

ninah · 12/05/2009 23:04

see, you pulled already!

fryalot · 12/05/2009 23:09

Hi,

my friend runs an events company and she was doing a speed dating event. In order to get the message across to as many people as possible, she, her husband, me and my dp all joined just about every internet dating company we could think of, with the intention of emailing their members with details of her event (not quite in the spirit, but that's what we did)

My profile read:

"I am an events organiser looking to find people in the * area who are interested in speed dating on (date)"

I had about 20 odd emails from blokes saying that they had checked out my profile and looked like I was up for a shag (or words to that effect)

The point of my ultra-long post, is that I don't think people always read the profile, I think some people automatically email every new member and there are obviously some scammers about.

Your profile sounds absolutely fab and I'd deffo do you if I were a) a bloke and b) single.

Keep at it, someone genuine will come along soon.

aseriouslyblondemoment · 13/05/2009 11:14

personally i think it's an interesting profile tho i'm not a man so def agree that a male friend needs to have a look at it for you
i would imagine the 'nigella' ref gets a few of them going lol
tbh i think most of us have attracted our fair share of pervs on these sites
in my case it's obv the words slim,blonde and divorced that read gagging for it
have you spotted any talent on there?
you could be terribly forward and make the first move yourself lol

DuffyFluckling · 13/05/2009 11:21

Yes, what squonk said, the pervs will email every new profile. But also the nice chaps may be a little intimidated because you sound together and confident and clever and likely to see through them if they are a bit of an arse. This is a good thing so don't change it.

steamedtreaclesponge · 13/05/2009 11:29

I agree with Ninah about the "pink toes" bit... I'd find that a bit strange.

Is your profile exactly like that on the dating site? With the lack of capitals/grammar? TBH I wouldn't give a second glance at anyone that didn't look like they could write properly (hope that doesn't sound too harsh).

Having said that, you sound like a funny, interesting person and I think the Guardian website is a good way to go - I've heard it's a lot less dodgy than some other dating websites! I agree with some of the other posters that you're bound to get some dodgy replies - it always happens. The trick is to sift out the ones who look normal and also to be proactive and contact the people you're interested in, don't just sit back and cross your fingers.

HTH

NotPlayingAnyMore · 13/05/2009 11:43

"a plethora of marvellous friends" - so even if it doesn't work out with me, you can leapfrog to one of my mates

"a jolly nice flat" - so you can cocklodge

"a predilection for feeding people" - see above

"I've got a terrible memory" - so once you've persuaded me otherwise, I won't remember why I thought your behaviour was bad enough for me to call it a day in the first place

"I'm shy" - so I won't have the confidence not to stop you getting away with the above

"I have pink toes. boys like that, right?" - I do what boys like, rather than do what I like and have boys like that as a bonus

"boys" - I want a boy, not a man

"like being cooked for", "be able to tell me to pack it in when I'm being obstinate." - from the first date and at every hour of our sorry days together

As for the rest of it, you're rambling so much that even you don't even seem able to know what you're playing at, let alone anyone else. You're likely quite nice but sound a bit too nice, which is probably why you're attracting the wrong kind of person - you see?