Morning all, I was talking to ASBM last night who suggested that I should post my recent experiences on here so that perhaps those of you who are dating may benefit from the male perspective.
Firstly I have to say that I consider myself neither to be fit or that interesting but I am/was certainly available. That said, I do consider myself to be a nice guy (too) hence the nickname here. I don't drink, smoke, have any major vices. Neither do I excel at anything. In fact the only thing I've ever been good at is being a dad. I split from my partner just over a year ago and I believe I'm too young to remain single forever. So I ventured back out onto the dating scene. Boy oh boy what a shock. How times have changed.
Being a single parent, my going out time was restricted so like a lot of others, I naturally turned to Internet dating. Surely POF was a good place to start as its free!!?!? Well getting any sort of response was a nightmare. I took the time to personally message hundreds of women. Women who I wouldn't look at twice in a pub and the results were DISMAL. I remember the first and only lady I met through POF. No photo but hey, I'm a nice guy...its personality that matters right? WRONG. Said lady was the size of a small house. At the time I was driving a Ford Galaxy and I remember wondering if she'd fit in! I ran.
So after a while I sat back and took stock of my situation. Whats going wrong here? The women on these Internet sites must be meeting SOMEONE right? What are they doing that I am not. What am I not doing? Why are the real quality women not interested?
Being a scientist at heart I approached this almost as an experiment. I guess to usurp the title, "Where have all the fit, interesting and available WOMEN gone?"
First thing was to improve my appearance. No longer am I man about Tesco. My clothes now are trendy/fashionable rather than dull but cheap. I now use moisturiser and contact lenses. I read up on the Internet about not what women tell me what they want but what other successful men do to attract women. And trust me there is a LOT of material. Most of it twaddle but some guys out there are gods and have attracted an almost cult following. The key seems to be simply self confidence. The general consensus is that if you don't have it, learn it.
Armed with this information I've thrown myself out there. Rejection comes with the territory. But essentially this cuts both ways. I've dated quite a few women now. Quite often at the same time. I think my record was four. I have been called a player by not only the women i've dated but some of my closest friends. Funny though that a woman who has multiple dates is simply leaving her options open but if I have dates on Friday, Sat and Sunday then I'm a player! But hey thats life.
Now before the Mumsnet Mafia hunt me down and burn me at the stake, I have to add that throughout this my intention was never to just mess women about. In fact, and ASBM will back me up here, I did turn down a 21 year old girl who knocked on my bedroom door to offer me no strings sex because I knew she was vulnerable. I was on a mission.
My "mission" was to simply find a woman who I wanted to get serious about and we all have to kiss frogs to find our prince, erm I mean princess! But crucially this time I was not going to compromise. I wanted to meet someone who has the full package. Good personality, good with kids AND good looks. Why not? Why compromise on what I want? I derserve that right? But we have to all start somewhere. You can't expect Accrington Stanley to play at Old Trafford and beat United!
Well I've met some fantastic women and some not so fantastic. I've had some hilarious experiences and some scarey ones. But at least I've grabbed life by the short and curlies and living rather than existing. However recently I'd started to worry. Worry that I was getting addicted to the thrill of the chase. Worry that I was being unrealistic. I mean come on, I am after all a middle aged single dad of two kids. Who am I kidding. Why would any 10/10 woman be interested in me when they could be dating a six pack Peter André looking man with no "baggage".
Surprisingly enough I think I just have found someone whom I am happy to hang up my pulling pants for. This person I got to know through another single parents website. We started out as friends and I didn't make any moves partly because of her personal situation (rather complicated) and also because she was "way out of my league". Anyway, long story cut short and in the style of Del Boy Trotter, he who dares...rodney, he who dares....
We've started dating and unlike every other woman I've met over the last year I now feel happy to NOT keep my options open. She's the type of woman that when I am on the dancefloor with her, heads turn. Yet we can sit and talk for hours on everything from the menial to the pros & cons of quantitative easing on the economy. I also feel happy. Happy in the knowledge that this is early days and that if things do go sour in the future that I can go back out there and find someone else.
Ok, so there's my story so far. its by no means complete. Life constantly surprises us all so I am sure there will be more chapters alone the way. But I hope at least my experience will give you a little insight into why men do what they do on the Internet dating sites. There are the hopeless, the desperate and the players. None are truly bad. I still don't consider myself to be a bad person. I just decided to be more ruthless in order to find what I wanted. Is that so wrong?