how does this internet dating lark actually work?

[raggedtrouseredphilanthropist]

I am finally ready for dating again, and after a glut of interesting men, 2 have now come along at once.
So I am meeting one this weekend for a drink - we have loads in common, but I dont think I will really fancy him judging by his pic. But I am messaging another, who I think Iwill fancy, and also have a fair bit in common with, but he is much less forthcoming (hasnt suggested meeting yet, less interesting emails).
So if I go out with guy no 1, is it still ok to be emailing guy no 2? At what point is it NOT ok to still be checking out other guys??

Sorry, these are stupid questions, but i am a complete novice!!

hey ragged how you doing?
long time no see!!
glad to hear that you're back on the old dating circuit
it's perfectly ok to be in contact with as many as you want to be imo
its only a no go if you choose to be in an actual relationship

hey asbm!
Yeah, dipping my toes in again, and enjoying it!
I have moved, so I CAN actually go out dating now. Before I was miles from anywhere!!
So when does it become a 'relationship' as opposed to dating??? God, I am so naiive about these things - its 15 yrs since I dated!

yay good stuff ragged[bgin]
hope the move went ok
yep it was 15yrs for me too lol
can't really answer your question as such
you'll both know it at the time i guess
i have 2 on the go atm
met 1 last weekend,not my usual type either but he was alot better looking than his pic so hope for tonight's one eh?!
haven't met the other yet but he seems more me,he is new to the dating scene so is also a tad unsure of himself maybe like this other fella you're in touch with?

2 on the go lol!
the one I am meeting on sat seems promising in every way (intelligence, sense of humour, music taste etc etc etc) except I dont think I am going to fancy him

Its fine (I hope )I am sure the people I am in e mail contact with are talking to others too. I have only met up with two men through this though so am not an expert! Its funny how some men don't seem to want to meet up, as if they want a pen pal?!

have you talked on the phone ragged?
the fella i met on sat was a v.reluctant date for me as the others on the 'fit thread'will verify
i went expecting to have to make a sharp exit thru the ladies window and also had a friend on standby to make that emergency call lol
no he didn't blow me away at all tho he is nice and we have shared interests
but will see him again maybe
guess it's your call here
tho ime if you're sitting there wanting to jump their bones asap it might end up being a total disaster
you know my track record here lol
used2bethin i think some of them are like this as they're new to the dating thing too so are poss.unsure of themselves
the flipside of course is having them desp to meet up with just a quick shag that they're after

Oh yes I think I may have one of those on the go at the moment! Don't think he gets the whole me having a child thing either, he just asked me to go out tonight. I can meet up with him but would need more planning time than that to get a babysitter. Not sure it will go anywhere but worth a try have been proved wrong before.

so are you going to be able to get out then used2b?
and yep.those of the child free variety are v.dim about what actually having a child means
i think that they assume it's similar to keeping a pet fgs!

Sorry just checked this. I said no babysitter tonight but It out tomorrow. He was busy tomorrow but we said we'd meet next week. t hopeful about this one (or the other one In contact with ) this one asked me to put my webcam on whilst msn ing and I can only guess at him motives!

ragged, hiw are you feeling about the date? I find that if I am not sure that I will fancy someone, the good thing is that I don't feel nervous at least.

hahaha!used2be you referred to him as IT!!
oh rofl here!
and webcams!
oh don't start me on those lol
but yes go with the flow there and esp.what suits you and your dc arrangements and tho hot as they might be if they dont/cant see your commitments then what's the point really?have been there recently and he blew me out as i was a mum,his loss not mine i say!
yes ragged you're being candid here
asbm demands info pronto girl!!
do i need to talk you up here?

am here for some moral support as always
i had lots last week lol

Oh no my silly caps lock it keeps causing a delay that should have read I can get out not It! Also ity should have said Not hopeful but you my have guessed that! You are right about there being no point if they don't understand that we have other commitments. I have had a couple just stop e mailing and have assumed that it was due to someone else coming along who was easier (not in THAT sense) due to no children, living nearer orwhatever. Much better for me to assume that than they got bored of my conversation

aww.it's their loss then
the fella who dismissed me for having dc which i couldn't leave home alone whilst off gallivanting with him is still searching
and hey from what i know of the site i'm on there's precious little for him to choose from
so again pick yourself up,tis their loss,better to know now then when you've met and invested

well the guy I met today was really nice a bit funny looking, but really nice. I think I will see him again, if he is up for it.

Its so strange starting all this again. I guess I just have to go slow, build up trust etc, before I leap into anything. Its very difficult tho, but you have to start somewhere dont you..

ooh spill here!!
has he mentioned anything yet?
or are you having that dreaded checking of the old mobile malarkey going on

oh no, he is def up for it! Will try to get a sitter for in the week, and meet up again.
BUT, it all feels a bit weird really to me. Like the only reason we are in contact is because we are both looking for a relationship iyswim, not cos we met through friends etc. So it feels more pressured to make a decision / get involved, whereas if we met through mates you could plod along with no expectations. does that make sense?
Cant quite get my head round it.

fair point there
never viewed it that way before
but lots of us are in the same boat as we dont get out as such with single friends
so the net seems the only way to meet anyone single too
dont feel pressured tho go at your own pace

thanks for that reassurance asbm
I am putting the pressure on myself iyswim. because I am so out of touch with all this I dont know how it is done! always had boyfriends after knowing them as mates first.
and tbh I am terrified! I just want to run away and hide cos its so scary! But I do like to confront my fears, and so think I should just dive in and give it a go. Like I have said before, its not like you have to marry them is it!

is he new to all this too?
lol @ confronting fears tho
and i know that you have a wicked sense of humour too which really helps lots
would you feel just as terrified if this was a guy you'd met out btw.

I dont think I would be as terrified with a man I had met out. As I would have seen him NOT on his best behaviour iyswim.

This guy IS nice tho, and ticks lots of boxes for me. I am just terrified! mmm, perhaps he is too. I suppose I should probably talk to him about me being scared and taking things slow if I want to keep dating him? Or will that scare HIM off? mind you, if it does then best to find out sooner than later I guess.
And at what point does it turn from dating to something more? OMG this is so confusing!!! (and scary, did I mention that?)

ragged i wouldnt say anything as if he smells fear he may run off in the other direction lol esp if hes ticking your boxes
oh and the other question?
how can i poss answer that?
me and my track record!!

lol asbm
I will just give it a go then and coast it. Not put myself under pressure to be in a relationship until I am ready.
Thing is, I seem to be holding out until the man I meet is absolutely perfect, which I know is going to take a long wait . I think I am protecting myself - maybe from possible hurt or from having to hurt someon else, or just the fear that it could all end up like my last one...
From past experience I have found that when putting something off, its best to just do it and its never as bad either then or second time around (I am talking about scary things like travelling alone or when I challenged my 'proper' fears). Maybe I should treat this as a learning curve. A really scary one, but arent they all....

so asbm how is it going with your reluctant date?
and used2bthin did you meet up yet?

yes i can see exactly where you're coming from here,it's truly a minefield
i am v wary of hurting others tbh more so than having myself hurt as i think i am so much more savvy about men now than i was
the reluctant date?
well he's asked me to text him if id like to go out again this week and if i'm sure lol
fighting talk there from a fella wtf
the other guy has asked me out but i havent agreed,hes out of the country atm.and has asked my permission to call me when he gets back!
not sure if either of them are v me but hey ho tis a learning curve and i'm trying to be more open minded here
but naturally one or both will have to get the old boot
now that's not the nice part
have you set up another date yet ragged?

lol at fighting talk. are you sure?

I also think regarding hurting others, that I dont want to get anyones hopes up. Like this guy texts me every evening, and I kinda always get drawn into texting people! It shows he is thinking of me etc etc, but I just think - DONT get your hopes up mate! I still have ishoos!

I will text him later and arrange another date for later in the week, as I have organised a baby sitter. Would quite like to just meet him down the pub, as I'm sure a little alcohol will help me relax about it a bit. But not sure if that is a good idea...
hey ho.

oh even better if you don't have to drive lol
which site did you meet him off btw?
i dont do texting any more it seems
well i dont seem fussed about it,i just wait for them to contact me which they do
i can't tell whether its the new chilled asbm here
or the asbm who isn't really that into you lol
anyway the freedom from mobile checking is great tbh
esp aft all i've been thru in the past