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Lone parents

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Original poster

Please help! Can the father legally force me to put his name on the birth cert?

63 replies

loooouise · 15/12/2008 12:59

Can anybody shed some light on this for me please? I'm 14 weeks pregnant and it's stressing me out.
I hear that fathers who are named on the birth cert now have equal rights, which is worrying me as he's proving unreliable.
And if he isn't on the birth cert, do I lose all hope of financial support?
Thanks.

OP posts:

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needmorecoffee · 15/12/2008 13:03

not as far as I know. And no, he doesn't have to be on the birth certificate for the CSA to make him pay. If he denies its his they will offer a DNA test and if he refuses it will be taken as an admission.

wannaBe · 15/12/2008 13:05

I don't think he can make you put his name on the birth cert, after all if you register the birth on your own then you wouldn't put a name down. However if he wants it he could go to court to gain parental responsibility and it is likely that he would be granted it.

Tbh not sure you can have it both ways - not wanting him named as the father but still wanting him to pay?

wannaBe · 15/12/2008 13:07

nmc but if he is given a DNA test and it proves he is the father then he will automatically be given parental responsibility as of december 2003.

CatchaChristmasStar · 15/12/2008 13:07

Nope, he can't force you to do it. He can however go to court to get his name legally added if it means that much to him.

If his name is on the certificate he does have equal rights, yes.

It may make it slightly harder financially if he isn't but far from impossible.

I had this when pregnant with dd. I debated then thought I'd prefer it if dd could look at her birth certificate and see her dads name as opposed to 'farther unknown.'

Please don't stress about it. But I would also tell you to give dc your surname and not his.

CatchaChristmasStar · 15/12/2008 13:09

Farther? Oh dear!

Father.

kormaisforlifenotjustchristmas · 15/12/2008 13:10

This reply has been deleted

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CatchaChristmasStar · 15/12/2008 13:21

kormaisforlife don't be too hard on her. She's only 14 weeks pregnant and most likely still getting her head around everything. It's a very stressful time and I can totally understand where the op is coming from.

If your ex is anything like mine then the worry is wasted time. Just relax and try to enjoy your pregnancy, don't worry about these things. They have a way of working themselves out.

I would personally put his name on the certificate, he is the father after all and therefore he should be allowed his legal rights to your child. Unless he has a violent, abusive history that is.

kormaisforlifenotjustchristmas · 15/12/2008 13:28

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FrostytheSurfmum · 15/12/2008 13:32

Him being on the birth certificate or otherwise doesn't make any difference to his "rights" if you want to look at it in those terms. He is still her Dad whether he is on it or not.

Dh wasn't put on dsd's but he was still granted a contact order when his x tried to stop him seeing dsd, and he was granted parental responsibility with no problems when his x refused to give it to him.

And yes, he will still have to pay maintenance whether he is on it or not.

And the point about him being named is a valid one. We are currently dealing with the fall-out of dh not being put on dsd's. She is really upset that he isn't on there, and even though we have said we will get it changed and a new one issued, the fact remains that he didn't go on there in the first place. It matters to her .

Coldtits · 15/12/2008 13:35

What about in cases where a loving boyfriend starts beating his pregnant partner?

Happens a lot.

kormaisforlifenotjustchristmas · 15/12/2008 13:43

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mankymummy · 15/12/2008 13:47

My mother refused to put my sisters dads name on her birth certificate.

She was absolutely shocked and distraught when she saw father unknown on her certificate and even to this day it affects her. She wont apply for a job or anything if it means she has to show her birth certificate, its severely affected the way she feels about herself, she's often said that she feels like a dirty secret.

Prettyfull · 15/12/2008 13:48

To be honest i dont agree with korma,...some of us beleive we are in loving relationships, plan a child, fall pregnant then everything falls apart when you find out your partner has been cheating on you every day since the day you fell pregnant. You can trust someone, sleep with them and truly believe they will be there for you and the baby,....then they prove you otherwise! DD's "father" isnt on her birth cert and i couldnt be happier, couldnt be more grateful!

the original person said es proving unrealable,...are you in a relationship???

For now id say forget the CSA you dot need that stress right now,..they will catch up with him if and when they need to. He'l pay money direct to you or contact CSA himself if he wants to be a part in teh child life surely???

Its hard to answer without knowing the full story but i dont wana be nosey lol

crazyloon1 · 15/12/2008 13:52

My Gosh

Can we just step back a little here please

For all we know OP#s ex is abusive

Being on BC gives him the right to continue this abuse

Why the hell shouldn't he pay for the child without having these rights?

OP - you can register the birth yourself. If he is not present you can't add his name.

He can apply for PR later if he wishes, likely to get it - most do - but you don't need to hand it on aplate.

crazyloon1 · 15/12/2008 13:54

and fwiw I have been through very upsetting procedures and interviews to ensure the csa DON'T contact my ex to ask him for money - as I believe it would make him feel he had the right to abuse us further. I do without my extra £20 a week, just for the peace of mind of knowing he isn't going to be asked to pay towards us.

FGS some of the answers here are shocking.

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 15/12/2008 13:55

IIRC, father is simply left blank now.

Otherwise, I'm with Korma. he is the father, you expect him to pay for your child so he has the right to be on the birth certificate. Having said that, if you are not married and he doesn't go to register the birth with you, you can't put him on by yourself.

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 15/12/2008 13:56

The OP simply says of the father "he's proving unreliable."

VinegarTitsTheSeasonToBeJolly · 15/12/2008 13:56

Well if he is the father then he is entitled to have equal rights, so unless he is abusive you cant actually stop him from being a parent to your child

I think when parents are seperated, it is always best to try and be amicable for the sake of your dc, you can still claim csa even if he is not on the birth certificate, but if he wants to be named on the BC then surely that is a good thing for your dc isnt it?

Yes he maybe unreliable but that doesnt mean you can stop him being a parent, you just need to put your foot down and make him stick to a routine, if he doesnt then he losses out

Its early days yet, he may prove himself once your dc is born, is there any reason why he doesnt deserve a chance too?

crazyloon1 · 15/12/2008 13:57

Proving unreliable could mean anything. Please don't attack her without knowing the full story.

4CALLINGBIRDSandnotout · 15/12/2008 13:57

I agree with coldtits, i was engaged to a lovely man wheni fell pg with dd1, but as soon as i reached 12 weeks and he knew i wouldn't abort her he started to beat me and sleep around. Needless to say i made the hard decision to split up and lucky for me he didn't want contact so i haven't named him on the birth certificate and haven't asked for finacial help, have been with dp since she was 2 so he is her dad.
I too have no name on my own birth certificate but tbh it has never affected me, i have a stepdad who has always been my dad, so i have no interest in the name of a man who had no interest in me!

crazyloon1 · 15/12/2008 13:58

Obstructive abusive men have been known to use their PR to put a spanner in the works in all sorts of ways

it gives them the right to decide where their child goes to school, where the mother moves to, what religion the child is

stuff you really don't want in the hands of a true nobhead who will do anything to make your life miserable.

FioFio · 15/12/2008 13:58

This reply has been deleted

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kormaisforlifenotjustchristmas · 15/12/2008 13:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crazyloon1 · 15/12/2008 14:00

Have not assumed anything Fio

Others have assumed he is nOT violent or abusive

I have merely suggested the criticisms stop until more info is supplied.

FioFio · 15/12/2008 14:00

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