What age is ok to leave child alone?

[Sailawayx]

My son is 11 in June and is becoming increasingly against doing things with me out of the house. He's happy to ride his bike on our cul de sac, play games on his PS with his friends, hates coming to the supermarket with me and will constantly say no to days out or walks etc.

It's to the point, I come home from work and don't leave the house until I go back to work, as he will flat refuse to come anywhere with me. I'm a single parent and he doesn't see his dad much, most of my friends are in relationships and so I literally spend 99% of my days with him or alone when he goes out onto the street for an hour.

I'm starting to become extremely lonely and feel really isolated. At what age can I say bugger this, I'm off for a walk for an hour? Or allowed to go to a gym class for an hour? I am absolutely sick to death of not being able to go anywhere without arguments, strops or attitude. I'm also sick to death of sitting here, alone and having no communication unless it's requests for food or money. This can't be my life until he's 16 surely.

I think many 11 year olds at home alone would have some form of electrics on!

Yes but they might not notice if they are on a tablet or switch unless playing over the internet.

Ah bless you and well done on the single parenting.
The issue about can you leave him has been answered many times so that will mean you can do a few things for yourself. But I think connecting with your son is also important. Lots of ppl have said on here, you're the parent you tell him what's happening but that can mean he resents you and will push back further and you punishing him will make it worse. He's 11,hormones all over the place and figuring himself out but maintaining a close relationship is important. Start soft and slow, suggest you watch a film together or take him a snack when he's on PS and feign interest for a bit or even ask to play too! Spending time together doing things he likes can then hopefully mean he'll enjoy spending time with you and will be more open to things you want/need to do.
You can also be really honest with him, tell him it's tough you doing stuff on your own so if he helps it means a lot eg get him to put a play list on while he helps you with jobs around the house/do the food shop together and he chooses the snacks for later.
You could suggest to visit a bike park with one of his friends and see if their parent will join, footie in the park etc. That way he sees a friend and you can chat to the parentbut also be together when they stop for drinks and snacks.
There are posts online too about staying connected to teens sons so have a look. All the best x

Well, that was the 80s. If a child was acting like either of the children in that situation at those ages in 2026 I'd be asking why on earth the parents weren't seeking a diagnosis and obviously you don't leave children with that level of need alone. This thread is about a typical 11 yo.

We had a small electrical fire when unsupervised which could have been a disaster.

Unexpected events like this can happen in the home and be hard for DC to deal with by themselves. You don’t know if they will freeze or not respond in the moment.

We had an emergency situation caused by a neighbour which I was very glad I was there to manage:

Also consider if there any risk from SM, grooming, engaging in dangerous activities while you are out (aerosols etc).

As he’s still 10 and at primary school and doesn’t want to be left I think popping out to clear your head is ok, but wouldn’t leave him for as long as an hour.

If he’s mature and at secondary school, getting himself there independently, it’s different.

It’s hard when they start to separate and not want to do things with DM anymore but just part of their development and you will come out the other side OP.

I’m ancient, so from an age when parenting was pretty casual. We walked to primary school in a group of kids, no adults. I got the tube to secondary school alone from 11. My only parent left me from age 13 to go off on four-day golf trips. It was a different world. Maybe safer times: less traffic, no bonkers online grooming. Not advocating this parenting style, but it made me able to look after myself.

From my perspective the risk is less about whether your child will be safe in their own home and more about what if something happens to you (eg a car accident) and no one else knows that your child is home alone - probably without a phone at that age. If you have a landline and your child is prepped on who to call in a non 999 emergency then I think it’s fine to go for a walk and leave them at home at age 11

They start secondary school at this age so will be expected to walk to the bus stop get the bus to school and then back again. We live in a village so the bus in the winter will be in the dark some mornings. Also some children go to school by the train, it’s one stop, but again they are expected from 11 to walk to the train station get on the train and then walk to school from there. It amazes me that some parents go from not letting there children do anything or be on their own, to suddenly expecting them to be ok with having to do this all by themselves. Personally I think 11 is a good age to start letting them walk to the shop (if it’s not too far) and leaving them for short amounts of time on their own. A good chat with what is expected and what to do in an emergency. And there will be hiccups along the way but that’s how they will learn. If they have a phone they will be able to call you and you can track them when they are out for peace of mind. If they don’t have a phone. You can call mobiles from tablets/ Alexa. If they are the one at home and maybe think about a phone for when they are out.

11 is fine for a couple of hours as long as he is sensible .. its a good age to start allowing him some independence from you .

This is a good age to start if you feel he is responsible. Each child is different. Mine was walking home from school (half an hour) and getting in and sorting himself until I got back from work. He was in Year 6 of primary school.

My 11 year old is quite happy alone for a few hours… sometimes with his older sister or otherwise just by himself, he’d call me with any problems.

But if he was with her he'd also have been in the car accident. Surely that's worse?

I think age 11 is ok for a short time , assuming he’s a mainstream 11 year old and has no disabilities that’d make him unsafe or vulnerable ?
Do you have neighbours he could go to if you were out for a couple of hours and he felt concerned about anything?
Would he manage in an emergency?
If you feel he’d be fine then head out 😄

My youngest is the same age. Hes very resistant about doing anything sometimes. Results in crash outs(He's awaiting assessment). I try to do things i need to like shops whilst he's at his dads or school on my day off but its very restrictive. For the past year I go for a walk in the evening for about 40 mins. Tell them im going and got my phone. He could be left for longer. His dad is suspect leaves him on his weekends to go to the pub for a few hours maybe the whole evening. I don't agree with that as its far from necessary and can do that sort of thing the other 75% of time he's kid free.
You know your child. Next year like mine he'll probably be walking a fair distance to school and that gives a great more freedom for you. Start building up and just make sure they know what to do in an emergency and what not to do - dont answer door unless its grandparents etc its building confidence for you both

I started leaving my son when he turned 10 for around 15-20 mins while I dropped hubby off out.
At 11 I'm happy to leave him upto around an hour.
It's essential to build them upto independence over the years rather than expect them to flick a switch at 16/18 and start knowing how to do life.

Can I ask what age you could leave eldest alone with a 10 year old?

I leave my 11 year old for around 2 hours and daytime only, usually to go to shop or take his younger brother to his swimming lesson. He has a dumb phone he can contact me on. He knows that if I don’t return within the timeframe and he hasn’t heard from me/can’t get hold of me he needs to go to our neighbours (who we get on well with) or call his dad or my mum. Same if there is a fire etc. We know several families on our estate too. At the moment he is not allowed to use the toaster, hob/oven, microwave etc when I’m out but I will relax that eventually. They have to start somewhere! Never had an issue apart from when he was worried when a salesman knocked on the door! He knew not to answer but because we live quite remotely and don’t usually get randomers it threw him off a bit. It’s all a learning curve. I started leaving him for 15 minutes here and there which was a bit scary (for me!) to start with but then gradually built it up.

Around 13 or 14 but not for more than a few hours with a constant check in.

TBF I’m sat in hospital right this sec with DD having just had a coin removed from her throat, she was playing and I was getting a chore done. She’s 3 BUT her 10 year old brother is ALWAYS chewing on something and now I’m going over all the times he’s probably unknowingly come close to death. We do leave him at home, and he scoots around the neighbourhood to his friends’ and the shops. But god there’s risk no matter the age! Any of us could choke, have an aneurysm etc in our nice warm homes.

I'd much rather my child was home alone than in the car with me when I have an accident! Even without a phone I'd expect a child older than say, 7 or 8, to figure out they should ask a neighbour for help if their parent doesn't come home, and with a phone to try calling parents/grandparents/emergency services if no one else answers. I know my 8 year old would call me, then his dad, then his uncle who lives nearby, or go to the neighbours across the road.

Eldest was 13 when I started letting younger dd stay with her.

My 11 year old will go out into our local village with friends and we’re happy to leave him at home for a hour or so if we’d need to.

He’ll be going to secondary school in September so he’ll be coming home to an empty house a couple of days a week.

I’ve just found out at the weekend that my 7 year old was left in the car while his Dad and partner went shopping in a large Sainsbury’s supermarket. He’s a very young 7 year old and when I’ve challenged his Dad he saw no wrong.

He's got a mobile? That's not something I'd give a child below 16 but it's certainly a factor. Leave him. He'll be fine.

When my DC were sick I left them in the house to go food shopping because DH was working. I did this as soon as they were old enough to leave in the house without being a danger to themselves, around 7.