What age is ok to leave child alone?

[Sailawayx]

My son is 11 in June and is becoming increasingly against doing things with me out of the house. He's happy to ride his bike on our cul de sac, play games on his PS with his friends, hates coming to the supermarket with me and will constantly say no to days out or walks etc.

It's to the point, I come home from work and don't leave the house until I go back to work, as he will flat refuse to come anywhere with me. I'm a single parent and he doesn't see his dad much, most of my friends are in relationships and so I literally spend 99% of my days with him or alone when he goes out onto the street for an hour.

I'm starting to become extremely lonely and feel really isolated. At what age can I say bugger this, I'm off for a walk for an hour? Or allowed to go to a gym class for an hour? I am absolutely sick to death of not being able to go anywhere without arguments, strops or attitude. I'm also sick to death of sitting here, alone and having no communication unless it's requests for food or money. This can't be my life until he's 16 surely.

At 11 leaving him to go shopping, to the gym or for a walk should be fine as long as he’s happy being left, has access to a phone, and has someone he can call for help if something happened to you (this is important anyway, we have to think about worse case scenarios). Mine travelled to school on the bus from 10, they change schools at 10 not 11 where I lived.

I left 9yo ds for a few minutes to go to the village shop. At 10, I left ds for an hour to do parkrun.

Then later that spring, ASC was cancelled on Fridays so DS was on his own at home from 3.15 to 5.45 one day a week.

But I also checked with ds that he was happy, each time. He had a snack, a drink, a phone and the tv. He knew how to call if he needed me, and we rehearsed what to do if someone came to the door or if there was an emergency like a fire or he was scared.

A lot depends on if your child is relaxed and sensible.

He's fine to leave for an hour at this age. As long as he knows what to do if there is an emergency and not to answer the door to anyone and you are contactable.

11 is fine. My daughter was young in year, so only just 11 when starting high school. Walking a long way there, going into town with friends. Etc

The tap washer suddenly disintegrated and spewed out into the bath, then the tap wouldn't turn off at all. I've had it happen since, also had a diaphragm from inside the gas boiler break up and came out of the taps in pieces and the boiler stopped making hot water.

Adult-me knows where to find the stop tap, but child-me was terrified and thought I'd broken the bath tap and would be in trouble.

What might mitigate these risks is the "ring me" option. No one had cellphones when I was growing up. The question remains whether OP trusts her child to keep a clear-enough head to do so.

The only one of those (except burglary) a child couldn't deal with and is dangerous is the gas leak, but a simple rule of no cooking with gas (and certainly no moving the oven to clean behind it, which I doubt a child would do when home alone) protects against that (or for the many of us who don't have gas, isn't a potential problem at all).
Tap washers failing tend to start with a drip, which any competent parent would notice and deal with before it becomes a problem (recently happened to us) and if it did suddenly start leaking a lot a child should be capable of ringing a parent to ask what to do, if they haven't already been told how to turn the water off (which at 11 you really can explain and expect them to remember it) or asking a neighbour for help if they can't get hold of their parent.
Toaster can be unplugged.
Power cuts aren't a danger and they can call their parents for advice in the event of one.

Distraction burglaries are a potential danger to anyone at any age, and while they might be common where you live they aren't common everywhere. I'd expect most parents will make decisions according to the risk profile of their local area. And of course children should be told not to answer the door to strangers when home alone anyway, but if burglaries are common I'd be more concerned about people breaking in rather than ringing the doorbell.

Since I was travelling home on public buses alone at 11 I would say up to an hour should be fine

and invite friends to yours

I was older than 11 and I stood and screamed when I saw the flames coming out and the plastic housing melting.

That was still probably smarter than what these grown adults did when faced with an arson attack on a shop, because my screaming summoned my mum, who did know what to do.

My point is that you can't assume that your child will know what to do when something goes wrong unless you teach it to them first. Whether you trust them to retain that information, particularly under the pressure of something going wrong, is your call.

When I was first making the decision as to. whether I would leave my children, it occurred to me my expectations of what they should be able to do first was way way higher than what I would imagine my granny, who lives alone and is 98, would be able to do.

I’m the same with my 10 year old DS. I’ve been leaving him on his own in the house for around 6 months now. Started off for very short times and now I can leave him happily for up to an hour while I walk the dog or pop to the shop. He has a phone and knows not to answer the door to strangers. We live in a fairly small village and are friendly with all the neighbours on our cul de sac so he knows if there’s an emergency he’s to knock on one of their doors. He has also begun walking home from school a couple of times a week with his friend.
I think building their independence is a good thing but I agree it depends on the individual child. He is very sensible and will follow instructions so I’m comfortable doing it.

My ds is 12 and I leave him at home while I drop older dd to work or do the grocery shop. Stuff like that. He’s very sensible and he has a phone if he needs me.
He knows not to open the gates for anyone and no cooking.

I started leaving my 11 yr old for an hour and would now leave him for a few hours. He wasn’t ready at 10.

I think leaving him for an hour or so is fine at this age as long as he is sensible and fully contactable, knows not to use the the oven etc…My own daughter is 11 and gets left for short periods. I’ve just got her a key and she’ll soon be letting herself in after school.

However, I also don’t think he should always get to dictate whether or not he comes with you, it’s unhealthy for him to have this much control and sometimes he needs to do as he’s told. What if you have things to do that take most of the day? Visiting relatives, shopping trips a bit further afield, that sort of thing. Also surely you want to do things the two of you out of the house? Or is that different because you go for things he finds enjoyable? I’d be annoyed and probably putting my foot down if he didn’t ever want to go do anything with me.

Mine are nearly 11 and nearly 13. I’ve started occasionally leaving younger child fairly recently, he now has access to a phone which helps a lot. It’s mostly when I am nipping to the shops or taxiing his brother around. He obviously doesn’t want to come with me.
i’ll leave him for up to an hour or so. Older boy I will leave for up to two hours but if there was a need I’d leave him for longer.

Both boys are mature for their age and trustworthy.

This has happened to me with my son, it’s a shock to the system and I miss him. If he’s sensible enough and takes advice well then I’d absolutely be going to the gym or a walk, 1/2 hours is fine, he’ll learn and by 14 it’ll be a good few hours. I wouldn’t leave my 14 year old overnight but I have went out for a meal and a couple of drinks, he keeps in contact contact with me when I text

I would say secondary school as that’s the age kids start getting the bus without school knowing if a parent is waiting for them at the other end?

Legally it depends on your child. Are you confident they can act appropriately - both in general if home alone and in an emergency? If so, then decide amongst yourselves as to how long you feel appropriate and build up.

We leave DS (10) alone for up to 45minutes. He's not comfortable longer than that, which is fine but the agreement is he then has to come with us, whether he wants to or not. We don't negotiate the time each time either it's over 45 minutes, he just has to come, if it's under, he gets a choice.

11 is fine to be left alone for a few hours. Of course if your child is nervous then no. But I was babysitting at 12. My friends left their 12 year old all day during the summer holidays, and certainly I know plenty who went home from school to an empty house until their parents got home from work.

11 if fine for a short time, my eldest was fine for half an hour or so, youngest wasn’t. That was his issue, not mine. I went to school by myself at that age,as did the kids but I think it’s different being left in the house on your own.
By 12 & 14 we were leaving them for a couple of hours in the evening to go out.

Age 11 should be fine. No cooking, make sure he knows what he can help himself to if he wants to eat - fruit, ceral, yogurt, crisps, can he make a sandwich, what about the toaster? Obviously you won’t have a fire burning, he can’t access matches or lighters. He could shower alone, but not have a bath while you’re out. Leave him an alternative phone number, a neighbour or friend’s mum, in case he can’t get hold of you.

Assume you don’t have a dog, or have I missed that?

Depends on the child. My son was fine at 11, wouldn’t have trusted my nephew at 18!

Suppose it depends on the child and do you feel he'd be ok for an hour by himself? I have an 11year old- she's 12 next week) but since starting high school she's sometimes home alone for around an hour waiting for her brother to get home when I work a late shift(he's in year 11 and finishes school later due to after school study sessions). If he has a phone he can always call you if he needs to.

Does he have a phone or access to a phone?
I leave my 7 and 8.5 yr old home for a quick run to the shops etc 20mins max right now. (as long as they are in chill mode, some days when it's non-stop fighting, I won't) and they are totally fine. My eldest (boy) said a couple of times, can I just stay here and then changed his mind at the last minute, but eventually laziness won out lol.
They have access to a phone though.

Older than 11!

Really? How old then?

I don’t know if you have DC or how old they are, but I wonder if you realise that many many DC come home from secondary at 3.30/4/4.30pm and are then at home until their parents come in from work – at 5/5.30/6pm?

There is basically no childcare for secondary-age pupils and tbh that’s bc most people are happy for their pre-teen to be in their house like that for an hour or so. So there is no call for it.

Yes lots of people wfh but equally many ppl cannot.