Ex suddenly demanding 50/50 care after 10 years — WWYD?

[Smokeyeyed]

Hi all, I’d really appreciate some advice or shared experiences.

I’ve been separated from my ex for over 10 years. We share two daughters, aged 14 and 15, both entering GCSE years this September (Years 10 and 11). Throughout that time, I’ve been the main caregiver — managing their day-to-day routines, school, and emotional wellbeing. He’s had regular contact, mostly weekends and holidays, but I’ve handled the bulk of parenting alone.

When we were married, he treated me badly — lots of emotional control, undermining, and manipulation. At the time I couldn’t name it, but I’ve since worked with a counsellor who identified it as coercive control. That behaviour has continued since we separated.

There’s a consistent pattern where:

• He tells me what he’s doing and expects me to go along with it — plans, handovers, holidays — always on his terms
• He uses our daughters (especially my youngest) to pass messages or create pressure. Excluding me from as much as he can.
• He ignores agreements, changes plans last minute, and makes me feel like I have no say
• A serious incident where a nail was found under my car tyre, caught on CCTV (still deciding how to handle that legally)

Now, he says he’s buying a house near the girls’ school and wants week-on/week-off shared care. He’s made it clear he’s going to file a C100 regardless of what I say — and he’s directly linked the push to his rising CSA payments, which doesn’t sit right at all.

It feels like I’m being backed into something I never agreed to. I’ve been made to go along with his decisions so many times over the years to avoid arguments, but this time I know it would massively disrupt the girls’ lives — especially now, with their GCSEs ahead. They need calm and consistency, not conflict and upheaval.

While he does things with the girls when they’re with him, he’s never makes sure they do homework, he lets them stay on their phones into the early hours, and he doesn’t set any boundaries or structure — which they desperately need, especially now.

Has anyone else dealt with this kind of court application?
Would a judge really approve 50/50 at this stage, despite 10 years of history, the exam pressure, and his behaviour?
I feel so anxious and worn down by it all — I just want to do what’s right for my daughters.

Thank you in advance for any advice or perspective.
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You absolutely need to be checking their phones. Especially given his behaviour towards you. You need to know what he's saying to your children because of he is playing on their emotions to get them to bend to his will, he's doing to them exactly what he did to you and it is so so damaging at such a young age.

Not only that but if he is, this is all information that would need to be shared regarding any court contact.

A serious incident. Have you notified the police? Otherwise I am unsure what action you are contemplating. If someone is making your car deliberately unroadworthy it is not safe for your children to be in it. Why have you not acted?

I know it's easy to say but just tell the narcissistic prick to fuck off and tell him to go through the courts it will take so long and will only waste his time by the times its gone through the kids will be out the majority of the time with friends. And just speak to your daughters and tell them you will only ever want what's best for them. And please please stick up for yourself and tell him to do one x