Sleeping on the sofa at 12 weeks pregnant 😞

[TiredButTryin5x]

just needed to vent a bit sorry xx

i’m 12 weeks pregnant now n still sleeping on the sofa every night. got 4 boys in a tiny flat n no room left at all. oldest has box room, two middle ones share, little one still in with me (or meant to be). but he kicks all night n i just end up on sofa again. my back’s gone n i’m not even that far along yet 😩

i asked the council for help but they said i’m “adequately housed” cos we got a roof over our heads. but it don’t feel like that. i’m exhausted all the time. boyfriend don’t stay over n hasn’t offered to help with housing stuff. just feel like no one sees how hard this is.

i’m doing my best but it’s not enough. just want somewhere we all got a bed 😢

I think you need to put serious thought into getting sterilised so that there is no baby number 6. As you don’t seem able to make contraception work for you. You can ask for this from your midwife.

I’m trying not to either. I’m certainly not judging about benefits, I’m on UC and ADP as I’m disabled (no kids) and appreciate OP is working, but I’m struggling to know why OP isn’t on proper contraception unless she’s one of the minuscule amount who’s IUD failed.

So are other people trying to do their best...you know working people with kids. How on earth you think you deserve a bigger place when literally we are all paying for you to have your current roof over your head beggars belief.

Read the room - you will get little to no sympathy here.

I wish people would stop having kids they can't afford.

Er, OP is working. And actually she will get sympathy, from people with an actual heart. 'We are paying for you to have a roof over your head' suddenly everyone else is a tax payer except OP, bet that's news to her!

Behave yourself
OP hasn't found herself in any situation..this isn't an immaculate conception.

You know who has found themselves in the situation though? Her current kids. And as a child who had to sit on a milk crate in a van cos we couldn't afford a car, it was shit

It isn't a out it being up to scratch for middle class women. She's sleeping on a sofa and miserable.

I have a heart and sympathy for the children who didn't ask to be crammed into a 3 bed flat.

I'm not sure why that should extend to OP who continues to make poor decisions which disadvantages her current children.

This is an unsustainable situation that will in no way improve by the arrival of another baby. Please go and speak to someone who can give you advice on your options..you are clearly very overwhelmed.

Stop having kids. Totally irresponsible and not in their best interests at all.

You have no idea who a woman might end up pregnant when she has stated she didn't plan to be. I'll never get over how so many people clearly believe they have the right to be so condescending and honestly cruel (some of these responses) to a person just because they're struggling financially and dare to accept help from the benefits system. Hope all your judgmental comments make you feel better, cos I couldn't live with myself talking to someone the way lots of you have.

OP- at 12 weeks, have you considered terminating? Where is the baby’s father in all this?

I’m currently one week post partum and sleeping on the couch, did so for most of my third trimester too. I own a 2 bed house with my partner and toddler so they both have a room upstairs and find it’s best to let them get a decent nights sleep. If you are doing this long term get a comfy sofa bed or l shaped couch to make it as easy as possible as if you are struggling now it is going to get worse before it gets better

She's doing a token amount of hours and she knows it. Wat she pays in tax is going to be a drop in the ocean compared to wat she's taking off us all and all because she can't refrain from sex or use precautions. Saying it was unplanned or an accident is ridiculous after all the previous pregnancies.

She knows what she's doing - playing the system, expecting freebies and then asking everyone on here to be sorry for her. And I do have a heart because I feel sorry for her kids, who from her previous post shes struggling to cope with. Honestly I do believe that just because you can pop out a kid doesn't mean you have to.

I'm allowed to have my opinion. And I'm fuming that me and my partner have full time jobs, sometimes picking up extra jobs and saved to have our first. Then with nursery fees etc we decided not to have any more. That's wat being a grown up is! I've worked bloody hard and so have many other people to raise their children, so excuse me if I'm pissed at her post wanting yet more attention.

This. With a father who voluntarily lives elsewhere

If you're so furious at having to work and pay taxes that get used for, shock horror, social housing, why don't you go on benefits if it's so easy and so great? Honestly some of you clearly take the fact that you pay taxes to mean you've got a god given right to judge and gloat over anyone you don't deem is doing well enough. You say you feel sorry for her children - plenty of children come from well off families with their own bedroom and everything they could ever need, but aren't loved. Plenty of kids come from poor families but get all the love they could need. Lots of kids in opposite situations too. Money doesn't create a healthy childhood.

Wow, how selfish of your partner to not insist you sleep upstairs with him, he shouldn’t even have entertained what I presume was your idea to sleep downstairs with baby. Doesn’t matter if you’re the only one feeding if you’re BF’ing. You’ve literally just given birth, why isn’t he sleeping downstairs if he wants a better sleep?

What a load of whatabouterry bullshit

Sorry - what now? This is insanity.

10 hours a week in term time as a cleaner keeps you under the tax threshold. I very much doubt the OP is paying any tax.

That said, I hope you manage to get your sleeping situation sorted out.
If I were in your situation, I’d get a single bed for the sitting room or box bedroom rather than a sofa bed; they are also bad for your back over the long term. Can a charity help with a bed and mattress? British heart foundation? Do you have a social worker who could point you in the right direction?

I wonder how many different dads there are???

Same old, same old. Low aspiration, low earning capacity people popping out children they can't afford to keep/house and expecting the state to pick up the tab.

Working a couple of hours a week is a token gesture and probably done to ensure the benefits entitlement.

I'm not bothered about op claiming any benefits at all, Im really worried about the children she already has, those children will just keep getting bigger and actually have more needs as they age, they'll need space, they deserve privacy at some point.
It's not okay to keep cramming more and more people into a set space, they don't have a choice in the matter though do they.

OP, ignore posters on here. People ought to feel ashamed. Not everyone is well educated, privileged, has good mental health, and has the luck of coming from a stable family background. We don't know OP's life story, but it's not rocket science to infer that she's vulnerable. Her children are already here, and they also obviously don't deserve to suffer even if you don't agree with their mum.

I work in mental health services. People don't end up in these circumstances for no reason. Situations like this are very complex. Most people on Mumsnet are middle class, and will never truly understand or have compassion for these sort of situations.

OP is a pregnant lady with backache who wants to vent about sleeping on a sofa. It's not the time for judgement. It's the time for compassion. Mumsnet should be for all mums, not just the ones with 2 children and a golden retriever living in their nice 4 bed detached.

Yet the statistics all show poorer outcomes for children living in poverty.

Children need more than love.

Does your kids' school clean itself?

Remember, your cushy little life relies on 'low aspiration, low earning capacity people' to do the shitwork you consider beneath you.

Of course they do. It's just not as black and white as 'you're poor and have a small house, therefore your children are suffering and neglected'. We have no idea from this post whether her children are suffering and will have poor outcomes.

You know wat I might. Pop out another four - stop working. Get my partner to stop working too. Claim everything going. If everyone did that this country would be over.

It already looking like it's going in that direction. Yeah kids can have crappy lifestyles in rich or poor households - that's not my main point here and I think you know that. My point is she needs to grow up and not expect everyone to feel sorry for her because that's wat she does by posting - expecting a pity party.

If I had a three bedroom place I'd be over the moon. She has one given to her and she's still complaining. She's just expecting things for doing little to nothing in return - oh apart from having sex with clearly useless men.