Sleeping on the sofa at 12 weeks pregnant 😞

[TiredButTryin5x]

just needed to vent a bit sorry xx

i’m 12 weeks pregnant now n still sleeping on the sofa every night. got 4 boys in a tiny flat n no room left at all. oldest has box room, two middle ones share, little one still in with me (or meant to be). but he kicks all night n i just end up on sofa again. my back’s gone n i’m not even that far along yet 😩

i asked the council for help but they said i’m “adequately housed” cos we got a roof over our heads. but it don’t feel like that. i’m exhausted all the time. boyfriend don’t stay over n hasn’t offered to help with housing stuff. just feel like no one sees how hard this is.

i’m doing my best but it’s not enough. just want somewhere we all got a bed 😢

A month ago she said she was 8+4

It’s difficult to sit on your hands, cover your mouth and not say what you really think!

Agree

The bunk beds idea is good - I’d go with that.

Sorry to join the pile on but why on earth are you having another child in this situation?

You need to think about the children you already have and review your contraception methods going forward. .

Can the father of your older boys offer support? Maybe to the 15 year old even?

Wise words

Then I apologise.
Good luck OP.

One can hope!

OP what age are your kids? It might help people make suggestions on your living situation.

It does feel foolhardy to be adding another baby into the mix but your decision has clearly been made.

The one about putting triple bunks ( or bunk and single) in the biggest room and bunk bed in other room and you having box room is best advice. Let each child decorate their own space.

Your flat isn't tiny, you just have too many children.

Having another baby is a terrible idea and isn't fair to the ones you already have who are cramped enough as it is.

Jesus fucking Christ the comments on here are awful. I’m not saying that OP has made the most responsible choices but we are where we are and what matters is that those children are adequately looked after. If OP cannot afford to do that herself then the state steps in. Berating a struggling mother/pregnant woman when she’s seeking help and support is gross.

OP of course it’s bloody hard, you’ve got 4 kids to look after and a baby on the way! Not to mention part time work. Most of the women on here probably don’t do half the running around that you do.

Can you ask your boyfriend for more support? Raise your back issues with your midwife, she might be able to refer you for physio as you’ve got a long road ahead. As for the room situation, you’ve had some good advice re bunkbeds.

Could you reach out to social services? If you can’t afford new beds etc they may be able to help, or refer you to some local charities.

Also, have you sought a swap? There might be someone out there who has more room who is looking for a flat in your area. It’s worth a shot if the council won’t consider re-housing.

Think it's a fair assumption he is long gone

That's in God's hands.

wow ok. didn’t think i’d get ripped apart like this just for saying i’m tired and sore on a sofa. i wasn’t asking for a palace or sayin someone owes me anything. i know i’ve made mistakes but i love my kids and they’re fed, dressed, hugged every day.

i never said i wanted to get pregnant again. it happened and i didn’t wanna end it. doesn’t mean i’m not scared or struggling, cos i am. i’m not proud of being in this mess. but saying i should get rid of my baby or that my kids should be taken off me is horrible.

and yes, it is me on that other thread. soz if i’ve annoyed anyone by posting a few times. just trying to talk to someone cos i don’t really have anyone in real life.

if you think it’s a wind up then fine, scroll on. if not, maybe remember some of us are just hanging on. xx

Look it is what it is.
Are you getting any support from your current partner or his family?

But there are people from sad backgrounds doing well as adults not just being benefit scroungers. Who knows what this ladies children will achieve.

But you keep making choices that are actively making your life and by association your children's lives more complicated and difficult.

You have power to make well thought out choices for your life but it seems you just float from one bad decision to another, why are you being so passive when you're responsible for 4 other people that depend on you.

Read my posts on this thread. You'll be ok.

@TiredButTryin5x

kindly...

I had 6 kids and it was hard. But I at least had a committed husband living with me and pulling his weight. I had a small but adequate house. I had big age gaps (bar one very small one).

Thats why the decision to have number 6 was made.

When number 5 appeared to be coming (not planned) I considered very seriously whether terminating was the right thing to do, because I had a three month old at the time. I really wasnt sure that having another at that point was the right thing to do and I was in a far better position than you.

Is your BF your other kids father too? If not, do you get maintenance from their dad? Do you get support in any way from him, or indeed this baby;s father? Doesnt sound like it.

And what about you? What about your life. What do you want for yourself that isnt just looking after kids?

Can the other children stay at their dad’s (if there is more than one dad involved) sometimes?

this is rubbish but unfortunately I agree with everyone else that you need a proper form of contraception (IUD) or should’ve considered termination.

Yes, this is a good way forward.

OP, you're not in an ideal situation, but you already know that. People piling on here berating you aren't helping.

There are a number of issues to address but the primary concern is for your health and that of your growing baby. There has been some sensible and measured advice and really that's the only way forward.

You're doing what you can, and for now, that's fine. But perhaps consider what your future options are and how you can get there.

It's really not and I don't think you believe that, what a stupid thing to say. Have you not heard of generational poverty?