Sleeping on the sofa at 12 weeks pregnant 😞

[TiredButTryin5x]

just needed to vent a bit sorry xx

i’m 12 weeks pregnant now n still sleeping on the sofa every night. got 4 boys in a tiny flat n no room left at all. oldest has box room, two middle ones share, little one still in with me (or meant to be). but he kicks all night n i just end up on sofa again. my back’s gone n i’m not even that far along yet 😩

i asked the council for help but they said i’m “adequately housed” cos we got a roof over our heads. but it don’t feel like that. i’m exhausted all the time. boyfriend don’t stay over n hasn’t offered to help with housing stuff. just feel like no one sees how hard this is.

i’m doing my best but it’s not enough. just want somewhere we all got a bed 😢

Maybe buy a bigger house when your salary increases and you can get a bigger mortgage. Thats what we did

Bunk beds in 2 biggest rooms then you have the box room? The council can't magic up housing stock and you won't be a priority as you already have a 3 bed. I'm sorry being tired and having backache is unpleasant but you're choosing to have another child so you need to find the solutions. If you don't want to room swap you could get a sofa bed for the living room. How will you manage financially with a 5th hope the dad contributes as you won't receive uc for another child

The Council is correct, and you will find that many Local Authorities count the living room as a suitable sleeping space.

I know one of the London Boroughs did as long ago as 1998.

So now you do as advised by one of the other posters - triple bunk beds in the biggest room and bunk beds in the other room etc.

and if you wanted you could have a sofa bed in the living room.

The council won't help. I know places where there are 9 people living in a two bedroom flat. 2 adults and 7 children. You're housed they have kept you and your children off the street.

Actually it is the council responsibility to do that

Yeah I agree with this.

As much as I sympathise with your situation there are many people (me) who would absolutely love more children (I have 1) but right now we cannot afford that with nursery fees and mortgage and bills.

I totally understand you are over crowded but I get the council's point that they have given you a roof over your head.

I know you're not asking for handouts, and you are trying by working part time which i applaud but you absolutely should have used adequate contraception and or considered termination if you cannot afford to get a bigger house for your children.

Myself and my partner both work full time in pretty good jobs and are still struggling right now so we have had to make hard choices (ie delaying our second child)

It sounds like I'm having a go, I'm trying not to...

She lives in housing association property are you taking the piss?

Can you get a small bed, or even put a mattress on the floor, for your littlest? You need to be sleeping in a proper bed if the sofa is causing you back pain because everything is harder to cope with when you're not properly rested. It sounds as if you have 3 bedrooms? There are generally not many social housing homes with 4 (or more) bedrooms but perhaps you could look for an exchange to a home which might suit you better. What ages are your DC?

Wrong again. They don't have the properties.

As you didn't want to have an abortion you could always give the baby up for adoption, as you are not married and don't even live with your boyfriend then he doesn't get a say ?

Indeed you may not even put him on the birth certificate - your choice.

I hate to be a bitch but there’s no way in the universe that the OP hasn’t foreseen what is likely to happen.
I presume she’s desperate for space and - albeit a bit obvious to say - to stay on UC because she has so many young children in such a small space, (I know she’s working, and presumably she’s intentionally become pregnant again. Her choice, her life and given her circumstances presumably a smart move - If you don’t have a partner living with you etc end After 4 years UC and job expectations….
I wish I could give unbiased or helpful advice but honestly I cannot.
i grew up with a mother (not in the UK btw) who thought if she had to marry (she assumed she did) she’d stay at home and both the government and her husband were responsible for her children’s financial needs. I hated that attitude all my life. I emphasise though because wrong thinking isn’t a so called “moral” failure.
I think there are plenty of people who feel similarly (I have a seriously disabled DC so I am not averse to requiring government help via benefits or special Ed). I wonder though if anyone on Mn can make a difference to the OP because, for instance, asking her to think of her existing children actually IS what the OP thinks she is doing.
And of course probably eventually the council will provide alternative accommodation.
The father/s of these children on the other hand…
As for the immediate situation - I expect OP you need to take up the bunk bed suggestion, get the kicking child to sleep elsewhere or get used to the sofa. There are people in much worse situations and this is no longer a rich country.

Buy a sofa bed for the living room, it will be more comfortable.

Could you put a single bed with a proper mattress in the living room. You need a proper bed/ mattress, a sofa or sofa bed are no good long term for your back.
With so many kids in a 3 bed, you can’t really expect a whole bedroom to yourself unless you take the small box room and hope that 3 could share the bigger room, long term. Not ideal for them as individuals.

Don’t see why councils should provide anything bigger than a three bed. You make your own decisions and should sit with the consequences.

You knew exactly how this thread would go because it is exactly how your other thread went.

Suggesting an abortion isn't horrible, it is putting your other children first who are squashed enough as it is. It's your choice not to get one but you are purposely making life not only harder for you but your children too.

You are just hanging on from your own doing. You know how preventing pregnancy works.

It's a horrible situation for you, OP, and you need to look after your back or you'll be incapacitated. Make up some kind of bed for your youngest on the floor of your bed room or the other room, and have the proper bed to yourself. He'll manage fine with a mat on the floor so long as he's warm and has a pillow.
I think that people on this thread are seeming unsympathetic because five children is a huge number to be caring for on your own with no support from your boyfriend and not much money, and although you didn't mean to get pregnant this time, you can't have been very careful to avoid conceiving.

sometimes the richest families have the kids with the most problems!

But this thread is not about them.

Honestly OP, I'm wondering why you never went for contraception.

I'm a solo mum who could barely bring up one, what with work, aging parents, he turned out o.k. though.

I'm still exhausted though after all these years.

We have lots of data, i dont agree with condemning anyone from birth. But I do believe in prioritising children already here

You will have to get the bed situation sorted. Can you get bunk beds and put them all in together?

You know we are all ‘doing our best for our kids’ that’s means different things to different people.

This. How incredibly self-centred. However, you are where you are - can you get a sofabed from Freebay/charity?

Mumsnet is a place for all mothers, not just mothers you approve of. The woman is pregnant and looking after 4 kids for crying out loud, have some compassion!

op are the 2 middles big enough for bunk beds? You can get triple bunks now which might be a good option then you can get your bed to yourself which should help a bit with the bad back. I know it might be out of reach cost wise, but there may be a local charity that could help?

Man its a tough situation. Definately consider an alternative bed in the living room. Maybe the older has to share now. Its not ideal but its your situation for the forseeable.

After this one is born, please consider contraception. You cannot support your family and your other kids are already stuck.

I am not clear what you DID expect out of this thread, frankly. You can get bunkbeds, sofabed for living room, there are options and pretty straightforward. If you can’t afford then ask on Freebay/freecycle. Just stop whining about a situation you created - deal with it, move on, and do better next time. Lots of mums here who would lovd more kids but can’t because they can’t afford to or physically can’t.

I agree but on a school cleaning contact, probably only working less than two hours a days on a term time contract. It’s not happening is it.
I would have loved 5 children but we couldn’t afford a 5 bedroom or 6 bedroom house. She will also be affected by the ‘two child benefit cap’ but will be able to claim child benefit.
Money will be tight, I hope the father of children is supportive.

Register with sanctuary they appear to have lots of flats

Try and ignore the judgmental middle class on here who think with a bit of careful planning everyone can live a perfect life. You're gonna be fine, it will work out. You love your kids and that's more than a lot of children get. Lots of people don't understand how easy it is to find yourself in a situation like this and think they're above it. Well newsflash, circumstances can snowball and before you know it you're in a situation you'd never have chosen on purpose. Some people want to think a bit and have some humility before tutting and telling other women to abort their babies just because they live a lifestyle you don't think is up to scratch.