Sleeping on the sofa at 12 weeks pregnant 😞

[TiredButTryin5x]

just needed to vent a bit sorry xx

i’m 12 weeks pregnant now n still sleeping on the sofa every night. got 4 boys in a tiny flat n no room left at all. oldest has box room, two middle ones share, little one still in with me (or meant to be). but he kicks all night n i just end up on sofa again. my back’s gone n i’m not even that far along yet 😩

i asked the council for help but they said i’m “adequately housed” cos we got a roof over our heads. but it don’t feel like that. i’m exhausted all the time. boyfriend don’t stay over n hasn’t offered to help with housing stuff. just feel like no one sees how hard this is.

i’m doing my best but it’s not enough. just want somewhere we all got a bed 😢

OP, it seems like you're facing a lot of criticism here. I recommend reaching out to real people who can genuinely help you. You have the right to access all the resources the state offers for people in your situation, but it's important to connect with actual individuals rather than relying solely on Mumsnet for information.

can’t sleep again, head’s just gone. didn’t think this would blow up like it has. i know ppl are frustrated reading this n think i’m a mug or worse. maybe i am. but i swear i love my kids more than anything and i do think about them all the time, every day, even when i get it wrong.

i didn’t get pregnant on purpose. i was on the pill but missed a few cos of the stress n just everything. found out late n couldn’t face a termination. maybe some of you could have, but i couldn’t. i just couldn’t.
not cos i thought it’d be easy or cos i think the council owes me stuff. i’m just trying to keep going with what i’ve got.

no my boyfriend doesn’t live here. he’s not around much. his family don’t help. and no i don’t get maintenance from the other dads - tried chasing but it goes nowhere. i know it looks like a car crash from the outside but this is my life. i don’t expect anyone to fix it, i just wanted to say it out loud somewhere cos in real life i’ve got no one to talk to.

the sofa bed idea might be something i try. triple bunks too maybe. i’ll look into it. just hurts a bit when people act like i’m trash for ending up like this. i didn’t plan this life, it’s just what happened. xx

A 3 bedroom isn't small. We also have an idea from her previous thread that she is currently struggling with the children she does have.

We know that her children are more likely to have poor outcomes, they may be outliers but that is more unlikely.

OP, you are in the situation you are in because of the choices you've made and continue to make. What are YOU doing to improve your situation and that of your children?

What is going to be best for the children you already have? How can you ensure that they have the role model they need to grow up to be productive members of society?
Start by getting yourself a comfier sofa/bed rather than asking someone else to 'fix' the mess you've gotten yourself in. Something YOU can do for yourself. Having more children is really not going to better your situation, it's just going to make it harder and harder on your existing children to escape the same kind of life

You are expecting handouts though. You are expecting the government (who do not have a single penny as it happens. Not a bean. So, i.e. the taxpayer. I.e. people who work, and pay a percentage of every pound they earn, to support others who ostensibly cannot earn money. But sadly, too often, to support people who think having children is a right and keep popping them out with no consideration as to how they will be paid for.

Ivwould love more children too, but I cannot afford them. I do not expect others to fund them. So I have 2. If I got pregnant again, I would abortion, because I cannot afford more children. Why the fuck am I expected to pay for yours?

Yo

Of course you knew it would blow up because it's exactly what happened with your last thread too.

You know what you're doing. Stop with the faux surprise.

Pregnancies don't 'just happen', especially not 5 of them.

😂you need to sort out your outrage at your fellow citizens. Go on then, go on benefits, have fun. See how easy it is to 'claim everything going'.

But presumably op's financial/housing situation was precarious when the 'little one' was born or the 'middle ones' were born.

So why keep having more children? Its just wreckless.

I don't look down on school cleaners etc but I'm curious as to how/why someone in op's predicament finds that she is pregnant with her 5th child.

As for the presumably useless boyfriend i'd be interested to know his history.

I'd also be interested to know if the op has ever worked for a sustained period of time more than a few hours a week or has she been a broodmare for most of her adult life.

I would advise getting an IUD, implant or jab if you find the pill easy to forget. If you use the pill, you should also use condoms. I don’t want to sound a nag but the pregnancy could’ve been avoided if you’d taken some responsibility for your contraception, which should’ve been so important especially as you openly admit you don’t have any space for more children. You need to contact child maintenance services to help you access what you are entitled to. It’s on the Gov Uk website. I think it costs ten or twenty pounds but my friend did it and they were able to force payment from the child’s father. Contact citizens advice too as they may have access to charities if you are struggling financially with the children.

nobody can make you get a termination but I would ask yourself what sort of quality of life is this child going to have.

@Ladamesansmerci
But you are assuming an awful lot - the OP wasn’t complaining about having a fifth child in her previous post and was not showing signs of being unwilling in the process of becoming pregnant. In the post linked by pp above she was complaining about being judged for choosing to have a big family. The notion that she’s vulnerable because she - as she herself says “talks like she talks” - is presumptive and doesn’t match with her thread where she talks about her existing children.
Her posts (They are linked by a pp above) show someone who is not necessarily coping with her child in nursery or her 15 year old child- not someone with mental health problems which is distinct from being overwhelmed by parenting.
She most likely knows how to get assistance from charities and social services if she needs to as she has 4 children already and could presumably ask for that specific advice on MN if she wanted to.
What she IS asking for is advice from people who are in her situation- sore back at 12 weeks pregnant, having to sleep on the couch because she only has 3 bedrooms which means her youngest sleeps in bed with her, no child’s father is present in the home and the council says it will not re-home her because she has sufficient accommodation.
There is no evening of vulnerability- in a safeguarding sense - or mental health issues- in what she herself posted.it could be deduced but so could deliberate attempts at maximising benefits.

Try and put the sofa cushions on the floor op, put a bed sheet over them like you're making a mattress and try that, it'll be more supportive than the sofa springs.
Get off MN get some sleep and hopefully things will be easier tomorrow.

It doesn't mean that people should have endless children with no personal responsibility. That is a safety net, meant to catch those with children whose circumstances change. It is not meant for feckless people to just have endless children!

I swear, I was so socialist before jointhis site and I just get more despairing every day. We cannot afford this shit! 5 children, no means of supporting them? No. You are making choices that fuck over everyone else. Stop it!

People in this thread don't understand that these situations are usually hugely complex due many psychosocial and economic factors.

I repeat, not everyone has your privilege. Not everyone has had a good education. Not everyone grows up with wealth or opportunities. Not everyone grows up with a stable home. Generational poverty is complex, as is generational trauma.

Contrary to popular believe, very few people plan to end up like this. Check yourselves. Not everyone is as fortunate as you. People act like it's so simple.

This lady seems quite vulnerable and already knows her circumstance isn't great. She needs deserves compassion and not judgement.

Do you want to fund a fifth baby op cannot afford? I don't.

You're making a lot of assumptions about other people on this thread.

I didn't grow up with wealth, far from it.

Either get a cheap toddler bed to put your youngest in (in your room) so he doesn’t kick you or get two boys into each room. Two kids in a bedroom is adequate housing. Even 3 of the same sex in a large room is fine, which is what you’ll have to do at some point.

I think it's actually a good thing that your boyfriend isn't staying - that seems like it would impose another level of stress and overcrowding on your kids.

The odds are not high though!

So you think the state should pay rather than this useless man actually stepping up and providing and parenting for the children he helped create?

@TiredButTryin5x it all sounds quite difficult. Just breathe and persevere. 💛
As for practical matters, the first resource I thought of for you was this one:

https://www.gingerbread.org.uk

Of course your boyfriend doesn't stay over or try to help you, there's no bloody room. He's going to be around even less when there's a crying baby in tow, regardless of whether he shares genes with it.

If everyone you know IRL is sick of hearing about your terrible life choices it shouldn't altogether surprise you when a bunch of strangers on the internet are even less patient.

The council will not move her. This has been going for years it's not Labour or Tory who's at fault. I don't want to say to much but she is not the only one to have 5 children in a housing association flat. There are many more cases like this one and they can't all be housed adequately. She is living rough and I don't know her history or what led to this but she's looking for something that isn't there. I think she needs to leave men alone and focus on herself and her children. This baby father probably used her for a bunk up.

he can step up and provide financially while not actually living with them.

Did he create any of the 4 existing children?

Either way, there are other ways to provide parenting and financial support - if he's so inclined. If he's not, his presence is just going to be a further drain on OP and her family.

And I don't think the older kids' lives will be improved by having yet another person, an unrelated male who they may or may not know well and like, being stuffed into their flat.