Sleeping on the sofa at 12 weeks pregnant 😞

[TiredButTryin5x]

just needed to vent a bit sorry xx

i’m 12 weeks pregnant now n still sleeping on the sofa every night. got 4 boys in a tiny flat n no room left at all. oldest has box room, two middle ones share, little one still in with me (or meant to be). but he kicks all night n i just end up on sofa again. my back’s gone n i’m not even that far along yet 😩

i asked the council for help but they said i’m “adequately housed” cos we got a roof over our heads. but it don’t feel like that. i’m exhausted all the time. boyfriend don’t stay over n hasn’t offered to help with housing stuff. just feel like no one sees how hard this is.

i’m doing my best but it’s not enough. just want somewhere we all got a bed 😢

Saying "your body, your choice" is so much easier whem the follow-up sentence seems to be, "but maimly other people's financial responsibility."

Other threads that the OP started in the last few days - links were given earlier in this thread.

Your ridiculous reply!
It's not her body neither her choice when it means bringing innocent children that one day will be adults! (Which will hopefully be able to break the poverty cycle and thrive...but that are currently in disadvantage)
You also clearly didn't even bother to read or learn a bit more of her background...otherwise you wouldn't be asking if her oldest is going to Uni🙄

It’s not rocket science. Buy another bed. Buy a sofa bed. Freecycle ect All suggested. No need to drag someone else into the conversation to suggest reconfiguration of a room with a bunk bed…

the judgement seeping out of you is telling. Being nasty about people ‘snooping’ no one is snooping - they just read the VERY RECENT open threads with the same details. But if being judgemental towards people whilst simultaneously being holier than thou makes you feel better than go for it

@Isoufso it’s only her body her choice for SOME women? Jesus.

No I'm sorry the your body your choice isn't applicable here.
You choose to have children you have to pay for them. OP is complaining about the council doing nothing. They have housed her. That's it! That's what you get

Numerous people have posted offering advice about the bed situation.

If you can't afford children stop having them. This isn't the 40s. Women aren't forced into having kids and no options if they fall pregnant.

I hope all the children manage to have good lives for themselves
Unfortunately hugs and a kiss don't pay bills

Her actions will affect these children. So yes, she shouldn't be allowed to have 10 kids if she can only afford 2.
Or do you think it's fair on those kids?

Oh wait, next you will say 'love conquers all'

Still waiting for love to win me the lottery...

found out late n couldn’t face a termination. maybe some of you could have, but i couldn’t. i just couldn’t.

You couldn’t face a termination but you can face 5 innocent lives living a life of poverty and neglect? Yes I could and would if I know they would have a shit life and I can’t provide for them.

If OP wanted her background to be known she would have posted her question on the other threads she has started. This allows people to get an unbiased (if arseholes don’t track you from one post to another) fresh look on a predicament. If OP wanted to discuss her reproductive choices or anything beyond her sleeping arrangements she would say so. Mumsnet is set up to support women. Many of these posts read more as slut shaming.

Well, we don't all have minds like sieves, do we? People can't help but remember what they've already read.
Mumsnet can't "support" people into bigger houses or buy them beds if they couldn't think to do it themselves.

It's a bit hard to swallow deluded posts saying her 15-year-old will soon get a job or be off to university- or OPs great undying love for her children- when in her previous posts she says:
The 15-year-old sleeps all day and games all night
He has no plans for college because no one thought to register him
She ' needs him' for babysitting.

This isn't snooping or slut shaming. It's that old fashioned thing: personal responsibility.

OP move your children into the two big rooms, And you and then you and the baby can have the box room. People do well starting from much humbler beginnings and you need to look forwards and find a way for your family. You absolutely can do it and do it well but it will be very hard work

Why doesn't your boyfriend go and find a suitable house to rent for you all including him ! to live in, even on min wage he will be bringing in £1500 a month for full time work.
He can pay the rent

and you can pay the other bills just like you are doing now
the only difference to you is you will be paying 100% Council tax as you will no longer get the single adult 25% ? discount, but as your boyfriend will be paying the rent you will be better off.

Claim CMS for every other child that has a different father. Even if they are all unemployed, you will still be awarded something.
I just did a calculation on the Gov website for a parent on Universal Credit with just one of your children to pay for and it said you would get £7 a week.

Now if all your children were to have different fathers ( excluding the baby to be with your current boyfriend ) then you could get £28 a week !!!
Tho if any of your previous partners have fathered 2 of your children and not just one, it would still be £7 a week
and the same amount of £7 if any partners fathered 3 of your children.

It really would be worth your while doing a calculation, you don't need to give any names it can all be anon.

www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon Why doesn't your boyfriend go and find a suitable house to rent for you all including him ! to live in, even on min wage he will be bringing in £1500 a month for full time work.
He can pay the rent

Probably because he has one child from the sound of it and the OP has five.

I would never tell you to have an termination however I have been in your shoes, I'm a loan parent and did have a termination. It wasn't about space or bedrooms but I was completely stacked up already and it would of meant making a lot of compromises that would of unfairly impacted the children I already had. There would of been less money which would of meant less opportunities for them. I have never looked back and am grateful I made that choice,
In your situation I think that you should probably buy a sofa bed and use the sitting room as your bedroom. I don't think you can do anything else other than make the flat work for you as you cannot rely on being moved in to a bigger property.

A termination is entirely appropriate in circumstances where having another child would have a detrimental impact on the OP’s existing children. Let’s not romanticise poverty and overcrowding.

Threads like this make me so sad.

Me and my partner are currently trying (unsuccessfully) to conceive our first and only child.

I would love more than one but the reality is that we wouldn’t be able to afford it and we only have a two bed house.

I would never in a million years keep popping kids out and expect it to be someone else’s issue to give me a bigger house and pay my way.

Hopefully it'll be another boy so you can make use of all the hand me down clothing - it will save you a fortune!

I suspect she wants a girl.

Has the OP said that?

I have everything crossed its another boy 🤞

She Posted the other thread yesterday morning. A lot of posters were able to identify by the style of writing. Someone put the links up here.

You are trying to see this as one Hollywood rags to riches story. Reality is that OP’s son has no motivation, I don’t blame him. He is the eldest, helps baby sit younger siblings, absent father and his mother is having kids with multiple partners. The biggest loser in this situation is the eldest son having to baby sit 4 kids and having one physically and other emotionally absent parent.

I don’t see any rags to riches. Your response baffles me. You have a woman who already has 4 children and has already decided to have a 5th and what you think is appropriate support is telling her her eldest son is miserable and that they are all doomed??? What an absolutely horrible way to behave. You have no idea why OP has made the choices she’s made.

I've certainly not had a privileged upbringing and my partner lived in poverty with a workshy family, who relied on state handouts. My parents worked two and three jobs to get me through school and university and despite being on the breadline knew what was happening in our lives and we're active in our lives. My partner's parents didn't do a great job of raising him and he was physically beaten and never saw a dentist or optician as a child. It was only in his 20s when he was taking driving lessons that he realised he needed glasses. So you and other posters who post nonsense about the posters here being middle class people and that's the reason for them being unkind don't know what you're talking about.

I think actually the majority are people who are outraged are from poorer backgrounds who have worked their arses off to either get in a stable position or who have worked their arses off and are still struggling to get by and who think that she is taking the piss.

And she's not the only one. Too many people in this country are popping out kids and expecting the state and everyone else to pick up the bill and I'm fuming about it. I really don't care what her background is. I would have felt more sorry for her if this was her first or second. But third, then fourth and now fifth child- get lost! She is absolutely taking advantage. I've read her previous posts and she can't parent the kids she already has and blames others.

I think a lot of people supporting her are either really kind and unlike me can see past the money side and want the best for her but others are sticking up for her because they are too are like her and are scroungers.

I've had a lot of hate on this thread for being honest but I really don't care. I bought my own home and live next to people who are absolutely crap parents and crap human beings and have brought up feral children. And I know not all council house/social housing families are like this - but Im living amongst a bad lot.

And I get some people are dealt a shit hand in life and need a helping hand. But she's got 5 kids! She's got a three bedroom place and complained it was good enough. Fuck that! People like this are draining our country and I have no problem in speaking out about it.