Sleeping on the sofa at 12 weeks pregnant 😞

[TiredButTryin5x]

just needed to vent a bit sorry xx

i’m 12 weeks pregnant now n still sleeping on the sofa every night. got 4 boys in a tiny flat n no room left at all. oldest has box room, two middle ones share, little one still in with me (or meant to be). but he kicks all night n i just end up on sofa again. my back’s gone n i’m not even that far along yet 😩

i asked the council for help but they said i’m “adequately housed” cos we got a roof over our heads. but it don’t feel like that. i’m exhausted all the time. boyfriend don’t stay over n hasn’t offered to help with housing stuff. just feel like no one sees how hard this is.

i’m doing my best but it’s not enough. just want somewhere we all got a bed 😢

Does she sound like she thinks they are blessings? Do you think the children feel like they are blessings? Really?

Cost of living is not going to improve in the future, with the use of AI, illegal and legal immigration, life will be even harder for our children

Lots of people live in less than ideal circumstances and there’s nothing to say OP might not make it work. Sharing a bedroom is not the end of the world and honestly in many parts of the world people study and grow up in far more challenging circumstances.

OP if you are genuine (and a big if in my opinion 🙄) then MN probably isn’t the best place for advice in your situation. I like it here but I do think the average user will have no grasp on your situation or how someone can end up in those circumstances. It’s very MC on here and lots of posters have had comfortable or privileged upbringings and can’t really envision that they may have easily made poor choices if that wasn’t the case.

Could you speak to your midwife or GP about how you’re feeling and some extra support? You sound pretty down and struggling.

I have to say I don’t give a fig about taxes and benefits and I think it’s pointless to berate the OP about these things.

But I feel desperately sad for her children and frustrated for her. (So much so that when I read an earlier thread I reported it to ask MNHQ if the poster was genuine. She is apparently an established poster.)

I imagine the OP herself didn’t have the best start in life. No qualifications. And, as a pp intimated, her increasing difficulties have probably alienated anyone who might previously have been supportive.

I can completely see that it must be awful for her to read of all the things posters feel she has failed at. But … 🤷‍♀️

Don't be silly. That's not free.

Their mum isn’t providing for them with her 10 hours per week or cleaning during term time… you and I and every other tax payer in the country is…

for those saying that people are being cruel and passing judgment, so should no one say anything then when she is onto child 7 with yet another waste of space man asking for a 5 bedroom house, she’ll post again.

If ONLY children only needed hugs and positive intentions, we would have fewer of these situations all around!

With no bedroom and 5 kids, will OP finally accept that sex with a useless man isn’t a priority & go and buy herself a vibrator instead?!

Of course people have always had kids in less than ideal circumstances. But in 21st century Britain, with an abundance of choice, there's just no excuse for it when children are being let down and mum is miserable.

I don't disagree at all.

From reading your follow-ups... This seems like an entirely self-inflicted problem. Your partner gets you pregnant and then buggers off, repeatedly. Yet you continue to sleep with him and have his babies. What's he doing to financially support his brood?
Obviously, I'm sorry you're sad and uncomfortable, but you could have put a stop to this chaos at any point, but chose not to. "Forgetting" to take your contraceptive pill is a poor excuse - you're an adult.

In terms of practicalities = unfortunately for your oldest, he doesn't get his own room any more. A triple bunkbed in the biggest room, and for now, you have a single in the box room. When baby comes, get a sofabed for the living room. You and perhaps toddler go in that, baby in a crib next to you.
There isn't really a good solution, and there's a lot of bed-hopping either way.

Is the largest bedroom big enough to divide into two?

I had four in a three bed. At one point I had the box room, youngest two had bunk beds in the middle room and eldest two had the divided big room. It worked fine and one of the divided parts in the big room would have been big enough for a bunk bed if I had had a fifth.

It is always going to be tight with lots of people in a small space but look at space saving tips and ideas on YouTube and be ruthless with keeping clutter to the minimum.

My house feels big now some have moved out or not here all the time. Bit like the book ‘ a squash and a squeeze’ lol.

It's not one partner. It's several.

With the excellent example from his parent, this attitude SHOCKS me!

His mum barely works and appears to have enough money to feed and clothe herself, enough time for relationships with various men, so why would he bother working.

The problem with people like this having so many kids is that it more often than not multiplies the problem, but I do hope that she can get on some PROPER contraception (or stop having sex) and focus on her children

True makes me laugh people keep popping kids out. Then moan their property is to small.

OP says i swear i love my kids more than anything and i do think about them all the time, every day so I’d say she does and I’m not sure why that’s surprising to you?

Ignoring all the nonsense @TiredButTryin5x its your body and your choice and I think what you were really looking for was ideas about how to make your accommodation work as it is. I think you need to sleep in the box room and have the children share the other two rooms. Is your eldest likely to go to university? If so things will was during term time before the baby moves out of your room. I think you just have to be very very organised.

Could you have a look on Instagram or Pinterest or somewhere for shared bedroom solutions/ideas?

Could you not find a sofa bed for you, then divide the 4 boys between the three bedrooms?

Someone made a point about OPs 15 year old studying with a baby in the house and no space.

That was me. My mum had her last when I was 15 and there was 6 of us in a 2 bedroom house.

I can tell you it was fucking hard. Even harder to get myself out of that sort of life too. There were more opportunities for me to do so then and I managed to get a finance apprenticeship and qualified after working during the day and studying at college in the evenings.

It was hard. Even harder now with less opportunities.

As I have said I don't doubt it's a hard situation but after 4 kids why were you continuing to sleep with losers and not protecting yourself. In your situation I would have doubled up on everything going!

I hope her eldest is able to find some space to work out what they want to do and gets some opportunities. I don't really blame them for lying around all day. They probably have half given up...

Just wanted to say that I feel for you. I know other people are keen to point out your mistakes but you are where you are and that's what you need help with.

You've had some great suggestions regarding Freecycle and a few different charities as possible sources for that triple bunkbed. I would get yourself a comfy single bed for the box room and think about a sofa bed for the future when your youngest has their toddler bed in that room and you go back to the lounge.

I'm impressed that you are working. Good on you. You should definitely be looking around for a course that will need to fuller employment once your youngest is in school. Maybe start it when your youngest gets their free hours childcare.

Go back and get chasing for some maintenance from the Dad's. That will definitely help.

About your 15 year old: visit local colleges with him and see what you can sort out for September. An apprenticeship would be ideal as he'd earn while learning. I just got a leaflet through my door from a group of local school leavers advertising their carwashing service. Encourage your boy to get out there and offer his services: cleaning cars, mowing lawns....It's cash in hand, will keep them occupied and demonstrate their work ethic to future course leaders/employers.

And definitely get your contraception sorted longterm with implants or an IUD and don't forget to pick up free condoms from family planning to protect yourself from STDs.

Wishing you all the best.

You're in lala land talking about university when OP forgot to enroll him for college and he didnt have the initiative/will to deal with it himself. Completely delusional.
Not his fault of course, he's only a child.

Of course loads of kids share.
OPs kids are sharing already.
Loads of people make it work.
But OP kids are not going to feel like they are blessings, more like tinned sardines crammed together for the sake or love

It’s so irresponsible I’m finding to difficult to have any sympathy at all for the OP and I feel for the kids that are being brought up in this mess.

Sure. I myself didn't - couldn't! - move out when I turned 20 either.

But do you really expect a 30 yo man to live in a 3 bed flat with his mother and (at least!!!) 4 younger (half)siblings?

To give you what I hope is good advice and not just a kicking:
If you haven't already then do make a claim for child support through CMS to any and all fathers of your children (including the one you are still seeing if he isn't paying regularly and consistently). Keep on it. Make yourself a calendar reminder for once a week to follow up and nag if you need to. Your kids deserve that support and it's on you to see that those fathers provide it.

If you haven't already then look at the alternative bed suggestions provided by other posters and look to save for buying the triple and double bunks.

Reach out to your midwife and GP to find out what other support is available to increase your income e.g. food banks.

Get some better contraception so you don't end up with a 6th. It's not fair on the older kids to be ever more squeezed for love, time, resources. A Mirena coil is pretty reliable (more so than the pill if you forget to take it). Don't have sex again after the baby arrives until you have a fool-proof (or as close as it can be) method of contraception sorted and implanted and the GP says you are safe.

He'll probably end up shoved in a shitty HMO. Lucky him.

I’m not sure where you got that information?