Sometimes I completely see the point of a "Friends with benefits" arrangement

[SmugColditz]

Cos I am bored, and I am lonely. You know.

Lonely.

I miss grabbing someone in for a squeeze, that's all. I'd love a cuddle.

Not a kids cuddle, I want a cuddle where I can cop a feel.

he hasnt offered to put the blind up in my bedroom yet but he thinks i should be able to do that myself and in fact if i want so lazy i could so it is rising up my to do list

we have however discussed the possibility of me building a brick smoker and him making a chimney for it

I'd say very possible to have either of those skyatnight.. and I know people that do too - both ways round

lol Zippi, keep working on the DIY angle.

MOH I suppose it should not be that hard to find someone. There must be men out there who want to live on their own but want someone to be with sometimes. It's the effort to find one though, I'm not sure I can be bothered right now, maybe later.

you can find them if you know where to look

Actually I have a few lovers, so between them they fulfil all my needs while I still get to live alone and not have to answer to anyone or factor anyone else into my plans etc. It's not a long term arrangement though obviously.

Yes, that's the problem I want them to be loyal and committed to me (and perfect in all ways). I just don't want to wash their socks, etc.. Even that might be possible if I were such a great catch myself but I'm not sure I am?

But if you can handle the lack of commitment and not get too attached to them, I suppose a few different lovers wouldn't be that bad a thing. Having more than one probably helps you not to get too attached to any one of them? Isn't this what some men have been doing for years. Would it be called 'man-ising' as opposed to 'womanising'. Would/do they all know about each other?

well the commitment thing wasnt there at the start...it only came after a few months..tho neither of us actually went with anyone else

he did bring the topic up himself this time tho and then said something like aaaagh that sounds like commitment

i do find it an insecure thing tho as i wish he was nearer my age co s he will walk after a while and that is a sad fact i wouldnt seek as i have already been down that path and should have sworn of it, but it is hard to find nice men my age

wasnt answering that post by the way just rambling on

Yes, I understand.

It does get harder as you get older, for various reasons. And it's more complicated if you have children.

If it was a choice of being with someone who makes you feel alive but knowing that it might end at any time or being with someone who is reliable but doesn't really float your boat? I've loved and lost a few times now so maybe I could live for the day and accept when it's over, but it's hard not to get attached. And I'm not sure I would want to keep starting all over again.

I don't get attached, it's a defence from shit relationships in the past, so faving two works well for me. They know each other exist and that they give me different things. The arrangement works for now precisely because commitment and attachment scare the shit out of me tbh.

if you want cuddling, a friend with benefits isn't the way to go.

that's why they're also known as fuck buddies.

you might be better off with a one night stand for cuddles.

nah expat, you can have cuddling, what you need is a lover, it's a bit more emotional than a fuck buddy but still no strings.

one night stands are too hit and miss. They might need training.

nah, i don't buy it.

i've had fuck buddies.

and they need to be just the fuck bit.

otherwise, someone starts getting the wrong idea.

one nighters, you may feel more relaxed about the cuddling, after all you're not going to be seeing them again.

i did have one outstanding one nighter, with Lucas, and we snuggled.

he'd booty call me. i'd booty call him.

then i had to go and find out he did coke.

so Lucas became more than a one nighter then?

I had a fuck buddy who got too attached so it's no guarantee.

I now have a friend with benefits and a lover and do cuddlling after sex without anyone getting the wrong idea (so far)

we became booty call buddies .

but then we stopped trying to pull at all and just met up, got drunk and shagged.

I had one of those once. e was a kiwi named Kim

he was a damn good screw.

mine too

i had rowed with my on-off boyfriend one evening and left his loft.

i lived just round the corner.

so on the way back, in tears, i passed another apartment building and ran straight into Lucas, who was leaving and had stopped to light up a smoke.

i said, 'Sorry.' and he said, 'What's a pretty lady like you doing crying?'

well, he was just headed across the street to our watering hole and he was HOT and offered to buy me a drink, so who was i to say no?

Zippitoes, that's the kind of arrangement I've got at the moment too. My dp's got a lodger whom he can't let down by selling up, and I've got 6 kids (let's face it, who's going to want to be a step-dad to 6 kids?!!) Plus, I don't want anyone coming in and telling me how to raise them, so we both live in our own houses and I stay over his when xh has dc's. The relationship is exclusive, though, and he's brilliant at DIY. Got quite a bargain, when I found him

As for fuck buddies ... had a couple. They're ok, but I prefer the real thing.

like most one-nighters, i didn't think he'd actually call me again, but a few nights later, when he'd been unlucky, he gave me a ring.

and as he was a good shag, i decided what the hell?

the ex h and i used to get together for a takeway, a bottle of wine and a screw complete with overnight priviledges and a diner breakfast, too.

if you're going to go fuck buddy, keep all your options open .

that's a great story!

The kiwi was standing outside a bar leaning against the wall smoking. He smiled at me as I went in. Then followed me in and bought me a drink

I could do with a good screw now