Sometimes I completely see the point of a "Friends with benefits" arrangement

[SmugColditz]

Cos I am bored, and I am lonely. You know.

Lonely.

I miss grabbing someone in for a squeeze, that's all. I'd love a cuddle.

Not a kids cuddle, I want a cuddle where I can cop a feel.

yep...have you not got a mate in mind

No. Actually, I don't particularly WANT anyone I like!

i find this whole sex parnters boyfriends relationships thing confusing

there seem to be so many variations these days it used to be simple you were in a relationship or not

I have and have a 'fuck buddy' and have done in the past as well.. always find the arrangement works well for me. Have to be very careful about choice though and very clear from the outset about what it is (and what it isn't)

Dont they ever want more Mascara as I have got one at the moment & I was very very clear from the start & now he wants more. And I am no where ready.

i have a fuck buddy but actually only done it once with him

Did have a different one a few years ago when i was a nipper, but the next day i always think "was it worth it?"

May as well go without the sex than just do it with someone who just wants you for the action they can get.

fifi - no, but like I said they have been specific people. I guess you run the risk of one wanting more, generally they are people who I would be very honest with though so I wouldn't have an issue with either one of us stressing the boundaries to the other. I always find my FB becomes my confidant.

Chance'd be a fine thing...

I'm not sure now that I am cut out to live with someone else so a friend with benefits might be the way to go.

But I wouldn't just want someone to sleep with. What I would want is a really good male friend who is a good confidant, someone I can go out with, who can be my partner for social events if I need them to or someone to go on holiday with, someone who will do the bits of DIY, etc., that I find too hard, someone who I can depend on, someone who will cuddle me and sleep with me when I want them to but who has their own house and goes home when we have had enough of each other. Someone who loves me but who is financially independent of me. And he would get the same from me.

Except, that if it was good, I would want it to last forever so he would have to be totally committed and faithful to me and never want anything other than what I want but, on the other hand, if I got fed up, he'd have to move on with no fuss.

Perhaps I am a bit idealistic! No wonder I am on my own.

skyatnight that is a bf or even a partner i think

lol skyatnight.. I think that;s what we all want.. surely that would be an ideal BF

I think it's possible to have what skyatnight describes for a short period. Then, inevitably, one of you becomes unhappy with the arrangement or wants something more serious or meets someone else blah blah. It can be a nice temporary thing, though.

i can totally se the point.

a shag without having to wash skiddy gruds

not at all sure i have the loves me bit working on the diy factor lol but otherwise it pretty much describes what i have at the mo

Yes I suppose it is Zippi. Except that I wouldn't want to move in together. It just seems to me that all I've ever had has been either boyfriends who are not committed to me or men who want to move in and/or get married. What I want is something inbetween -a boyfriend who is committed to me and reliable but who doesn't want to move in or get married, etc.. I'm sure that people like this exist so they must be out there. Maybe I will advertise for someone.

well a boyfriend doesnt live with yoiu does he

mine lives a 100m iles away

well a boyfriend doesnt live with yoiu does he

mine lives a 100m iles away

what do you mean by committed he doesnt have sex with othewr people

Mrs Mattie - yes, that's the thing. What I want is possible but you can't expect the guy to reliable or committed. If he were reliable and committed he would want to move in together, get married, have children or whatever.

On the other hand, most guys who are happy to have an 'arrangement' like I described are happy with it because they don't want to commit and do want to keep their options open. (And they are probably crap at DIY and/or not great in some other way.) So one or the other of you always gets insecure and becomes needy while the other starts looking for someone else. It's hard to maintain the equilibrium. It is marriage and financial commitment that often gives the stability to relationships (although not always).

But I want the loose arrangement except with commitment and reliability from the man's side and independence on my side! (I just want it all my own way.

Yes, no sex with other people.

ok well that is the arrangement i have at the mo then

Ok, where did you find him?

Sounds like you just want a good man!@skyatnight. Because commitment and reliability don't really go with a 'loose arrangement'. Maybe you need to find an older man, divorced, grown up kids. Someone who wants a companion, but is past the whole marriage and kids stage. You can still have your independence within a good, healthy relationship.

pof

he is young single no kids tho

ok, so this is sounding a bit more positive. If I am clear about what I want it is possible to find either a younger lover who does a bit of DIY OR an older 'good' man who would be husband material but who is past that stage and so happy to have a slightly looser arrangement with the emphasis on companionship. Hmm, I will just have to apply myself in the search.