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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Single Parents

51 replies

Rocky12 · 18/04/2008 16:38

With the case of Shannon Mathews in the news I would like to discuss the issue of large families and being a single parent.

I was brought up myself by a single parent in my teenage years and it was extremely difficult for my mother as I was one of three. I know it isnt ideal and I better say that I have been married for 12 years to my husband and have two wonderful children. We both work full time and we have worked really really hard to get to the position we are in now. I can honestly say I could not bring up the two boys without my husband and certainly wouldnt choose to do it without him - so why are people doing it?

My issue is that it is now unacceptable to 'judge' people who clearly have lost the plot. Young girls who deliberately get pregnant knowing that the father will not be around and that they can rely on the state (you and I) to pay for their decisions. Shannon's mother has had 7 children by 5 different fathers. Is she mad, how did she expect to pay for them all? What has she contributed to society?

Are we really in a position now where we cannot say anything and people are allowed to do what they like? In Glasgow apparently 20% of the population will never have a job and will always be living on benefits. I though benefits were to tide you over.

I wonder if the benefits were lower or not available how our behaviour would change?

OP posts:
MascaraOHara · 18/04/2008 16:42

Sorry, is that about Lone parents or about benefits?

the two are not inherently linked and to think they are in very ognorant.

also,

"We both work full time and we have worked really really hard to get to the position we are in now. I can honestly say I could not bring up the two boys without my husband and certainly wouldnt choose to do it without him - so why are people doing it?
"

I would like to provide a balanced arguement but I'm too annoyed with the above statement.

Is there an assumption that all single parents are chosing to be so?

or is there an assumption that single parents aren't working hard to be where they are?

Reading between the lines your OP is so immflamatory I wonder if you are part of the media. In which case you have to pay for media requests.

MascaraOHara · 18/04/2008 16:45

arrogant.. don't know where 'ognorant' came from

ImightbeLulumama · 18/04/2008 16:46

agree MoH

Karen matthews is not really representative of either:

A) lone parents , she had a partner

B) benefit claimants

her story is extraordinary and not any sort of bench mark against which single mothers or benefits claimants should be judged

husbands leave, families break up, people need money to survive. cost of childcare can make working too expensive on one income.

Original poster
Rocky12 · 18/04/2008 16:46

Yes, I do believe that people are chosing to become single mothers. If that isnt the case where are the fathers.....

And no I am not part of the media. Just concerned that our values seem to have been lost.

OP posts:
MascaraOHara · 18/04/2008 16:49

people die, get divorced, etc

people aren't necessarily choosing to be single parents - men or women.

So are you now saying thet you think single parents are lowering the morals of the country?

ImightbeLulumama · 18/04/2008 16:49

where are the fathers? that is the salient point, rather than demonising single mothers

do you know any single mothers in real life? the ones i know would not have chosen it as a lifestyle decision, not ever. sometimes you have to get on and make the best of a shitty situation

Youcannotbeserious · 18/04/2008 16:49

"Are we really in a position now where we cannot say anything and people are allowed to do what they like?"

Well, Rocky, we live in a democracy.

People are allowed to do anything they like as long as they do not break the laws of this land.

If you are not happy with the current laws, then we have a judicial process whereby the Govt. can be lobbied to change or amend the laws.

There is no law against a woman bearing children by several different men, just as there is no law against a man impregnating several different women (which I personally would have a problem with, given I am my DH's second wife!!! )

I am going to agree with MOH - I think you have an ulterior motive for this thread.

It might not be a perfect system, but it's the best one I can think of.

NotDoingTheHousework · 18/04/2008 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MascaraOHara · 18/04/2008 16:50

Actually I chose to be a single parent. Why is none of your business but as you are so judgemental and ill-informed I feel inclined to say that I probably have a larger income than you do.. so now where does that leave the argument I wonder... hmm

Original poster
Rocky12 · 18/04/2008 16:51

Which proves my point that we cant have a reasonable discussion on this. Thanks for the swear words on the last post....

OP posts:
MascaraOHara · 18/04/2008 16:51

I'm so glad is hometime on a Friday and I won't be logging on for a bit or Rocky, I might just argue you into the ground.. or get myself banned by personally insulting you.

NotDoingTheHousework · 18/04/2008 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Youcannotbeserious · 18/04/2008 16:52

Imightbelulumama - I'm afraid I have to say, there are some women who do choose this as a lifestyle choice.

I grew up in a deprived area and one 'career path' would be to get knocked up and get put to the top of the housing waiting list - your own child and own gaff was something to aspire to........

I do know a few girls who did that, but to fair to the vast, vast majority of them: They have done a great job at raising kids.

MascaraOHara · 18/04/2008 16:52

lol, can we not have a sensible discussion because we are single parents..?!?! seriously LMAO at that comment.

Oh and sorry proving your point(?) what was your point exactly.. you didn't clarify.

ImightbeLulumama · 18/04/2008 16:55

i have no doubt some women do, but that is not representative of a whole section of society.

i am being perfectly reasonable rocky, it must be because i am married and have never claimed benefits

Youcannotbeserious · 18/04/2008 16:57

NO you are right - it's not!

I am married, but will claim benefits when I finish work because I'm not eligible for SMP.

Does that make me unreasonable

MascaraOHara · 18/04/2008 16:57

no, you are perfectly reasonable.. you are married - therefore must be.

CrackerOfNuts · 18/04/2008 17:00

FGS another insulting 'single parents must be scroungers' thread.

Like single parents don't have enough to dealwith already.

MascaraOHara · 18/04/2008 17:01

lol.. nutty and the audacity of actually posting it in the 'lone parent' section..

beyond stupity imvho

MascaraOHara · 18/04/2008 17:06

Oh do come back.. I have another 10minutes to toy with you before I go home to my hovel.

Not much of a troll if you are scraed of so easily.. a troll with a thin skin.. brilliant.

littlewoman · 19/04/2008 23:58

This is mumsnet, not slagsnet. You've got the wrong site.

Alambil · 20/04/2008 00:18

Did you have fun MoH? Looks like it

If only they were all that easy to scare off lol

Prettyfull · 20/04/2008 08:59

OMG what a thread,....

SINGLE MUMS CHOOSE TO BE SINGLE???

So basically Rocky12 if for example, your partner cheated on you with many different women, or perhaps was having an affair and made another women pregnant, or perhaps you had both been together so long and grew apart and argued all the time which inturn effected the children, or perhaps because having children your relationship changed and your partner couldnt cope,....i could go on with the examples,...

You'd stay with him,..yes?????? I DONT THINK SO,...

We dont always choose these things in life, we cant all plan our paths through life, and sometimes these unfortunate things happen.

A friend of mine had her partner leave her simply because he wasnt ready for having a child. She didnt CHOOSE to be a single parent but shes the one whos stuck by the little one and bringing him up as best as she possibly can. It may make things harder for her returning to work etc but shes doing her best under the circumstances.

I cant believe you had the cheek to post this under the single mothers section,...infact digusted with the way your going about being married for 12 years and working full time! Whats that about?? Trying to rub it in our face or something??

1066andallthat · 20/04/2008 09:21

MoH - I read your first post as "ignorant" which I feel kind of sums the OP up, but arrogant does it for me, too .

Why did I chose to be a single-parent: because although it is very, very hard (see, no swearing ), it is better than the alternative and I live somewhere, where there are NO benefits; I live on what would be considered a minimum wage AND I work incredibly hard. I now need a proud face because I am - it is hard and I do my best.

PaninoPan · 20/04/2008 09:57

rocky - your OP wrongly made it through the good sense, good taste and self-appointed smug-gang filters.

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