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Original poster

Ok, I lied, I am bothered about not having a bloke, infact it is driving me nuts

137 replies

CrackerOfNuts · 24/03/2008 08:59

When ever anyone asks me if i'd like to meet someone, I say no. If they suggest dating sites, speed dating etc, I say that I am not interested, am happy as I am, and it is such a huge lie.

Not sure what ti says about me though, that I am so desperate for some male company.

I just so hate being single.

I know i stand no chance of meeting anyone either, not at the mo.

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AMAZINWOMAN · 24/03/2008 18:24

It seems that its only when youre asked to be centre of attention that you don't like.

Being a helper at primary school, starting a new course or any other volunteering doesnt mean you will be put under pressure to perform.

lou33 · 24/03/2008 18:24

yes nutty of course, i wasnt suggesting it happen immediately, i am skint anyway rigth now and would need to sort sitters and stuff

that is a good idea

see your gp and we will go from there

charliecat · 24/03/2008 18:25

Thats not funny nutty thats sad

AMAZINWOMAN · 24/03/2008 18:25

I never speak to anyone when im shopping!

Original poster
CrackerOfNuts · 24/03/2008 18:29

Oh no it's not really just if I am asked to be the centre of attention, it is more anything that is new to me and a situation out of my normal life I suppose.

God help me in August when I am bridesmaid, I will be a complete nervous wreck.

I have wasted so much of my life because of this

It's funny because not one single person close to me knows about this, infact if ever I say I am nervous about something, they look at me like they think i'd not be the type of person to care about things like that.

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Flight · 24/03/2008 18:32

Cracker I am the same. I actively avoid going to town or supermarkets, just because I don't want to speak to anyone - especially people I already know.
Strangers are easier although I tend to imagine they are all looking at me with judgmental thoughts about what a bad mother/person/haircut they are looking at.

It's called depression. I don't know what advice to offer but the way I'm doing it is I got referred for some therapy/CBT. I'm waiting for it to come through at the moment.

I hope you can find a way to climb out xx

Original poster
CrackerOfNuts · 24/03/2008 18:34

I think I will be trying anti depressants now tbh, which is fine, I have reached the point where I know my life isn't going to improve without some help, and I am sick of making myself and my kids miserable.

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Original poster
CrackerOfNuts · 24/03/2008 18:34

Thanks Flight, did they say how long you'd have to wait ?

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AMAZINWOMAN · 24/03/2008 18:37

I wish I could hide my nerves!!

you are obviously very good at putting a bravr face on things and speaking to new people

Flight · 24/03/2008 18:39

I didn't want Ad's Cracker, which got their backs up first time round a few years ago but now they know I'm stubborn nobody forces the issue!

But saying that there are loads of people who say they are helped by them.

It could be as long as a couple of years but I get to see an OT in the interim, every few weeks, till I get a proper course of treatment, and having that hope is almost as good as the actual therapy iyswim - it enables me to put my trouble outside the family, somewhere safe if you like. So I can be human the rest of the time. Well it isn't quite like that yet but when I'm in therapy it will be - it was before. Round here you get 6 months on the NHS then have to apply and wait again.

HTH x

Pinkchampagne · 24/03/2008 18:53

I would definitely reccomend talking to your gp, nutty. It sounds like you could do with some kind of counselling to help you overcome your anxieties.

I have had counselling sessions through the NHS & they have really helped me. My self esteem has never been great, but the counselling really made me look at things in a different way & I believe the sessions made me a stronger person.

You sound very unhappy, which is sad. You really need to work on your self confidence before looking for a relationship. Being in a new relationship can make you feel very emotionally vulnerable, so isn't always a quick fix to happiness, especially if you are feeling so unhappy with yourself.

Please make that appointment with your gp.x

WallOfSilence · 24/03/2008 19:15

It needs to be looked into when nervousness is effecting your life as much as this.

You mention being bridesmaid & how nervous you are feeling about it.. do you think you will actually go ahead with it & not let your friend down at the last minute? As you say you just back out of things that make you feel nervous, this will give you an opportunity to go through with something where you will most certainly be the centre of attention.

Also, this shows you that your friend thinks a lot of you in order to ask you to be her b'maid

I want to say so much more, but I am aware that you have already shed tears over this thread & that is never a good thing.

Original poster
CrackerOfNuts · 24/03/2008 19:18

Oh no I definatly will go through with being bridesmaid as I wouldn't let her down, it's her big day.

It wasn't anything that anyone said that made me upset, it was me thinking about things that upset me.

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WallOfSilence · 24/03/2008 19:54

I'm glad you wouldn't let your friend down

Go & hold your head up high on the day!

madamez · 24/03/2008 21:33

Nutty, you seriously need some sort of help either ADs or counselling. You are suffering from depression, and it is going to get worse, not better. Soon it's going to be too much trouble to wash, dress or eat. Sorry to be so blunt but from reading your posts, you've gone way beyond the point where a fun night out and a bit of a flirt will make you feel all right again. The last thing you need to be thinking about is starting a relationship: as I said, nice men and OK men are not too keen to ride in to the total rescue (because sensible people know that it is really hard and draining to have a relationship with someone who is depressed: while people will do their best to help someone they know and love/like battle depression, it's asking a hell of a lot of someone to do it for a person they just met), and anyone who has a really powerful 'rescuer' drive is either seriously fucked up themselves or a predator.
You will get lots of support on MN but you have to take the first step of going to your GP or ringing a helpline, yourself. Best of luck.

Original poster
CrackerOfNuts · 24/03/2008 21:45

I agree with everything that you have said.

I will go to see my gp as soon as she is back from holiday, infact I will ring the surgery tommorow and see if I can book an advance appointment. This isn't always possible, i think the rules change daily.

I do want to get better if only for my kids sakes.

I have more or less come to terms with the fact that I am going on this hen weekend, I can and have to do this. I cannot wait until it is over and done with, and will probably count the hours until home, but at least i will have done it.

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Original poster
CrackerOfNuts · 24/03/2008 21:49

Thank you to everyone that posted aswell, you have all helped me to see that this isn't normal and that I do really need to sort it out.

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lou33 · 24/03/2008 22:01

i bet when you have been on hte hen night and done the bridesmaid thing, you will think, wow that actually wasnt so bad

and you should be justifiably proud of yourself

little steps nutty

maltesers · 24/03/2008 22:14

Similar here. Been single now for 20 months, had nots of dates, but not met Mr Right yet.... really really hope i do. To think of being single 4 ever........aaaaahhh ! So so keen to meet someone very special who thinks i am it ...
So i can truly relate to what you are feeling.... its horrible especially when you see couples out together who are happy.... you just think you luck devils. But then i think... not every couple is happy together. So in some ways dont forget we are not all so unfortunate... there are some pluses... esp. if you have got away from an bad tempered, abusive, aggressive man. Wishing you lots of luck..

tiredemma · 25/03/2008 10:05

have you phoned your gp emma?

I second madamez post- you need some kind of therapeutic intervention, you are slowly becoming more and more depressed.

Original poster
CrackerOfNuts · 25/03/2008 16:23

Hello

Rang surgery but I can't book until a week before gp is back, so I should be able to book on monday i think. I am sure they make the rules up as they go along.

My mum is still convinced that my thyroid is part of the problem as that can make you anxious, so I will be asking for a blood test for that too.

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zippitippitoes · 25/03/2008 16:33

i'll give you therapy this weekend nutty

i dont have anything planned

Original poster
CrackerOfNuts · 25/03/2008 16:57

LOL I be in Spain

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Original poster
CrackerOfNuts · 25/03/2008 16:57

I will be in Spain rather

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zippitippitoes · 25/03/2008 16:59

you always have an excuse

have a nice time

i am still seeing my climber...bizarre but true

we are going to lithuania the next weekened