Ok, I lied, I am bothered about not having a bloke, infact it is driving me nuts

[CrackerOfNuts]

When ever anyone asks me if i'd like to meet someone, I say no. If they suggest dating sites, speed dating etc, I say that I am not interested, am happy as I am, and it is such a huge lie.

Not sure what ti says about me though, that I am so desperate for some male company.

I just so hate being single.

I know i stand no chance of meeting anyone either, not at the mo.

Ahh yes, I sent a message to someone on there in my area.

Blokes seem to be really put of by me not being able to drive aswell. Hopefully though that will change soon.

I think you ned to look into some sort of asseritveness course or self-help before anything else. Because attaching yourself to A Man will not fix you. It will not make your problems vanish, it will just give you new problems. Because you sound so needy and desperate that you will be putting off the reasonable men and making yourself very attractive to predators. By which I mean messed up nasty dangerous control freaks, who like vulnerable needy women they can bully and dominate. Failing that you will end up with a cocklodger ie a parasite who wants you to cook, clean and pay for his beer and Sky subscription in return for a perfunctory drunken shag once a week.
Yes, it's all right to want a couple relationship and it's fine to have one. But if you find yourself thinking that any man is better than no man, you are heading for trouble and need to sort yourself out. It's so much better to be single than stuck with a man who is either an abuser or another chore.

No easy answer, i'm looking for a prince too. So many frogs to kiss on the way..

Maybe your friends would be more proactive in helping you find a partner and going out with you if you came clean and admitted you'd really like to have a guy in your life. Right now you're telling them you don't want one and are happy as you are. If you're not prepared to admit the truth then they can't know so don't think to invite you out as such, but merely for that dinner and quiet drink at their house...

You have to be proactive. Find ways of being more confident. Someone asked me recently did i want to go speed dating with her, i was like no that's for loosers and you'll never find someone that way! But what i actually said was that sounds like a laugh lets do it. After all it's a night out, some fun and laughter with it hopefully, and i'm not expecting to find anyone out of it so what do i have to loose!

Gilly

Nutty, I was a single mum for 5 years before I met DH. I had lots of boyfriends and it mostly just caused me problems, so I decided to lay off men altogether until I found a really nice one who would treat me as well as I would treat him. I spent a few months on my own. I decided to have the best possible life as a singleton, thinking that if I were to live my life out as a singleton so be it, I was determined to be happy. And I made my life full, I did lots of things with my family and friends, I went away for weekends, I had hobbies, did sport, invited friends round to dinner. My life became so good that I got quite wary of meeting someone and I began to really like being single. Of course there were times when I had problems and I would go home and cry because there was no one to help me solve them. But I also used to really enjoy the freedom to do exactly as I wanted and to lead a single life when my children were at their dad's.

When finally I met my DH he told me that he had spotted me in the past with other guys and so had not spoken to me. And I thought there was a lesson in that, that it is better to be alone than to wish you were.

I agree with Madamez. Honestly, I've got myself into no end of trouble at various points when my wish for a partner was greater than my selfesteem.

My self esteem is never going to any good though, it never has been.

I don't want just any bloke, infact i'm quite picky.

I dunno perhaps alone is what I am meant to be then.

i think you just have to try to be happy with your self, your life, your goals. A bloke should just be the icing on the cake.
Start a course, join some classes, try to get the friends you have to go out with you as much as poss.

Agree that desperation can scare many a man or woman off, men will be attracted to someone who looks like they are loving life, not moping around waiting to be rescued.

As soon as you get on with making your life as full as possible, then you will either be far too busy to notice you are single, or someone might appear when you are finally ready and not expecting it.

I'm never going to be able to have a proper social life though because xp won't ever get around to having the kids overnight, he is doing it on purpose so that I can't go out.

I am looking into doing a couple of IT courses in April, but other than that I really don't see what else I can do to change who I am. I have always been shy, it's just me. If i changed into some ultra confident person who loved going out to pubs and clubs etc then it would all just be a big show because it isn't me.

Perhaps accepting that I won't meet anyone will be better, that way I won't be dissapointed at least.

Tbh I don't have alot to offer do I, I mean if I met a bloke like me, unemployed, 3 kids, can't drive, can't go out socially then i'd not be interested either, so when I look at it like that it's fair enough really.

God you sound so negative!

im also on my own, but i have studied for my degree for the past 6 years so i can rely on having a career in teaching hopefully next Sept, and can continue to pay for the home i bought with my own money. i work as a nanny at the mo, and take my youngest with me, is this something you can do?

Luckily i learnt to drive at 17 and have my own car, so this helps with nights out, as well as getting to work! can your mum help out with paying for driving lessons?
Can she babysit for you so you can go out at night?

I am booking driving lessons once the kids go back after easter.

I know I sound negative but thats because there isn't anything positive to say about my life at the mo.

My mum will babysit yep, but i'd have to go out on my own, which is just not something I can do.

I would do nannying yes, but you have to have qualifications round here for that, oh and be a car driver.

Sorry, I know it is annoying listening to someone as pessamistic as me.

Can you go out with the friend you mentioned earlier?

im in sort-of the same position as you but i am forcing myself to be as busy as poss!

im not a qualified nanny, and when i got my very first job i had to get my friend to fib for me and pretend i had worked for her, so i could have a reference and look like i had experience! now i am earning ok money!
my mum looks after my dd for me after school when i work, it does all work out.

i am also worried about being alone for my whole life but there is no point worrying about it, i just have to make my life as full as possible and have as much fun as i can. i am still heartbroken from my split with ex so not ready to meet someone new, i wont be ready for a looooooooooooong time!

I have done childminding in the past so have childcare experiance, but i'm yet to see a nannying ad that doesn't require and nvq or diploma or something. I always check though, so perhaps something will turn up.

Tbh the problem with my friends is that they have friends that they are alot more friendly with than me if that makes sense. They only seem to want to go out anywhere with me when they have tried everyone else.

I suggest going to the pictures, they say no, too busy or whatever, and then a couple of weeks later I suggest it again and find out that they have now been and seen it with other friends.

oh its such a bummer for you.. i wish i lived close to you but im in sussex, arent you in Brum?

How did you get on with doing a course, nutty? Is there any chance you can get back to doing some thing like that?

Yep

Oh well, perhaps the hen weekend will help bring me out of myself a bit.

Haven't done one yet Hercules, still a bit undecided about what to do, but I think I am going to do a couple of Clait units after easter as I'd like to be able to apply for some jobs that i've seen working in a school office.

Madamez, you talk a lot of sense as always

Perhaps I should just forget about blokes all together and focus on somthing else.

thats what i am trying to do myself nutty!

am concentrating on doing up the house, assembling all the new furniture i have bought!
Also working lots and planning to see if i can manage to be a teacher!
i agree that i busier i am, the less time i have to think about how lonely/heartbroken i feel.

i just want the summer to come too!!! Everything seems less bad in the sun!

I am doing the house up slowly but tbh I can never see the point as the kids trash it again anyway, and as usual I am at a complete standstill because I am waiting for my dad yet again.

what do you do all day when your kids are at school? (is your ds at school?)

nutty contact your local sure start - ours in dorset did/does free courses for CM & nannying. also pay child care coasts (I think??) if you have LO's.

will get you out of the house and a little more confidence and hopefully will meet some girl friends.

I can't se Surestart, I am in an area they won't cover.

use