Why are men so bitter about paying maintenance?

[bidoofisgod]

Just that really. Why do they get so resentful about paying for their kids and then expect us to be so grateful for getting their measly money whilst they complain about it?
I get £25 a month. And it's thrown in my face every time we speak, and then when I offer to help with childcare over half term as he has to work on days he has the kids (im a TA so will be off anyway) he says no because he doesn't want me using it to demand more money from him, and would rather pay someone else for childcare. How does that make any sense? All the while he's out living his life whilst I'm left with the kids and the dog which he wanted but now "can't have" and I have to shoulder the financial burden off.
All the same time whilst saying he doesn't want to divorce and wants us to work it out. Really selling yourself here and making yourself so attractive. Ffs

Sorry, rant over

You aren't committed to a single penny of CMS if you have the child half the time, as is expected of you. Money only changes hand because you do not do 50/50.

I would like my son to be at the forefront of things we do as parents.

No need to dress him inappropriately, no need to change his nursery without discussion. To add, my ex step-sister picks my son up, to sleep on a sofa when my ex is unavailable. Am I not paying for him to have his own bed?

I would like mum to demonstrate the ‘right’ values in life, working, saving etc. When my son turns 18, he’ll be on his own two feet.

if he sees mum unemployed, he may think it’s acceptable - Children look up to their parents.

I would be prepared to have him 50/50 if my ex didn’t change his nursery without discussion?

If you don't think his mum is doing a good job then go to court and get 5050. Otherwise, you demonstrate to your son what a good dad is. You are also equally responsible for him learning about life etc. You already put 75% of the parenting onto your ex, are you dumping everything else on her too?

Eh?

Go to court. Get the 50/50.

@Daddycool2024 I appreciate what you are saying but it didn't really answer my questions regarding work, splitting of time and costs of the upbringing of your son.

Agree a child's needs are at the forefront.

Needing babysitting on occasion is normal, your ex is allowed to have her sister babysit. If you had your son most of the time there would be occasions I'm sure where you might need a sitter and family may help out. That's normal in almost all families.

@Daddycool2024 in terms of the clothing, if you read the CMS guidance the CM is only to pay towards your sons care (clothing etc whatever he needs) on the days he is with your ex.

The clothing and providing for him on your days is your responsibility. CM doesn't cover for your days so not up to your ex to provide, not even a coat.

I know a lot of people who send kids in old clothing to the ex for this reason, the ex is supposed to provide clothing, toys whatever they need at their own house in their own time with the child.

Maybe this is her thought process.

Housing benefit and childcare vouchers too…

@Daddycool2024 before she switched his nursery, I'm guessing you did 50/50 then?

@Daddycool2024 childcare vouchers ended in 2018?

Housing benefit and childcare vouchers too…

Childcare vouchers haven't been available to new claimants since 2018. Sounds like your ex is entitled to government funding towards nursery based on her low income. That goes to the nursery and benefits your child not your ex.

Ok Jo.

To clear up your leading statement - no there was no physical abuse.

so if I took her to court, she’ll represent herself I guess?

Why does it matter to you who represents her? Your only concern is you and your side of things.

@Daddycool2024 yes she would represent herself.

It wasn't a leading question I was just stating the circumstances under which it is available.

Correct, I agreed to pay £350 when having him 50/50.

My ex reduced it to 0 overnight stays after the move. Now I have committed to picking him up on the weekends which makes no sense. Im paying more to see him less…

Was talking to Jo…

Yes, but you said she has more disposable income than you which is not true and once you split it in 2 she has less then half the disposable income you do, and you're getting to invest in buying a property.

Ok, so court would go even better in your favour then if there was an establish 50/50 arrangement, and then she withheld overnights. As you well know from the previous thread you had about this.

So are you going to proceed with court?

Eh? Anyone can reply to anyone here mate.

I may be using the wrong terminology. I know the government pay for so many hours per week.

I understand this.

ill send him home in suitable clothing. If he wants to take a particular toy, he can because it’s for his best interest.

I can’t imagine pulling a toy off him or dressing him inappropriately because of the letter of the law.

if mum was unable to collect him from school on a weekday (which has happened), is it fair for me to say ‘oh it’s not the weekend’?

The situation is that my poor little boy is standing waiting for someone to collect him!

Call your MPs, write letters to publications, get on social media, start petitions. Men go to jail in the US for not paying child support because women demanded it. So demand it. Get loud, and maybe Labour will do something about it.

I would if I can afford it but instead feel like I’m being pushed/pulled because I want a relationship with my son…

Yep 70% of children that currently live in poverty would be lifted out of it immediately if child maintenance was enforced.

Do you have a source for that stat? I'd like to be able to refer to it when people talk about the causes of child poverty.

You should defo go to court and get your child 50:50 @Daddycool2024 and start bringing him up the way you want.

Someone as smart as you will be able to represent yourself in court . Women (who are obviously so much more stupid than you ) have to do this all the time.

You will win over the court with your clear legal argument and statements of fact, just as you have convinced everyone on this thread.

Or get a lawyer , surely no price is too high to pay for your child’s welfare?