Why are men so bitter about paying maintenance?

[bidoofisgod]

Just that really. Why do they get so resentful about paying for their kids and then expect us to be so grateful for getting their measly money whilst they complain about it?
I get £25 a month. And it's thrown in my face every time we speak, and then when I offer to help with childcare over half term as he has to work on days he has the kids (im a TA so will be off anyway) he says no because he doesn't want me using it to demand more money from him, and would rather pay someone else for childcare. How does that make any sense? All the while he's out living his life whilst I'm left with the kids and the dog which he wanted but now "can't have" and I have to shoulder the financial burden off.
All the same time whilst saying he doesn't want to divorce and wants us to work it out. Really selling yourself here and making yourself so attractive. Ffs

Sorry, rant over

Exactly!

Mums want the best for their children, how small minded to send them in clothes too small…

Other men have suggested going self employed to counteract this?

instead I’m calling it out and now being used as a scapegoat that men should be doing more?

Honestly, you're not that smart, or very nice, are you? It's quite funny actually. No child came to major harm becuase they had a slightly too small t-shirt on for a few hours when going to their dad's house! And it's totally okay for a woman to have some nice clothes.

The self-employed thing - well, nothing says, "I don't give a flying fuck about my children" like actively seeking to avoid paying for them! You're so resentful of this measly little £400 it's astonishing.

According to your own calculations she doesn't at all, and she has your child most of the time as well.

Her income is for 2 people 5 days a week.

You have a real issue with her not working, and it's shining through in every post you write.

Why don't you go for full residency, quit your job, have your son most the time and claim maintenence from her is it's such an easy life?

In the same breath you’re saying ‘self employed’ is a process that fathers do to prevent paying for their child…

How is deliberately sending you son in clothes too small?

The point is, the child is the one affected.

*55k per annum. Mortgage payment is £1,400 pcm. Then add all other costs including council tax, gas, electric, vehicle insurance etc.

My ex partner has more disposable income than me working…*

You earn 55k per year yet you resent paying £400 for your child. Unbelievable

Its not about £400.

tax is at 40%, plus the increase to CMS for any salary increases

you are attacking the people who help support the society we live in - the rewards of my hard work will benefit my ex too.

How much do you think costs to live as a single man?

I get circa 3k after tax PCM working full time (nearly half goes on the mortgage) in comparison to someone who doesn’t work, earning nearly 70% of my salary?

That's weird because it's been about the 400 to this point.

Now you're backtracking and showing you're resentful about the money the government provides to support your son in case it happens to benefit your ex in any way.

You want her to have a shit life because she left you.

As I say, you think you're so different and unique, but, in reality you're just the average bitter ex who resents the pittance he has to legally pay in maintenence.

You've tried to pretend otherwise but the mask is slipping.

How much do you think costs to live as a single man?

No idea, but as a single woman of 2 kids we manage OK on about 2.5k a month so I can imagine a single person would be just fine on 3k a month.

I get circa 3k after tax PCM working full time (nearly half goes on the mortgage) in comparison to someone who doesn’t work, earning nearly 70% of my salary?

Your ex may not be going OUT to work, but she is taking care of a 2 year old. This enables you to work full time and do whatever overtime you wish. The cost of a full time nursery place is about £1k-£2k a month depending on whereabouts you are. Assuming you'd want to contribute to this if your ex was working, you'd have considerably less spare cash than you do now. So I'd say you're getting a pretty good deal for £400 a month.

It's good, really good, that your ex has disposable income. She will have more costs than you do.

The £400 I mentioned was the figure I pay to bring clarity to my specific situation. It’s a % of my salary.

I am resentful when I know it’s being abused yes. As a tax payer, I want our government to support those truly in need.

Never once said about her having a shit life, your words.

As per your responses, it goes to show you are not level headed and as previously stated, paint all men with the same brush.

Example: if my salary was 500k a year - it’s not fair I pay circa 10% to my ex when they’d potentially never earn that money working themselves.

I paint men who try and come on here and tell us all how crap it is that they have to pay a small portion of their wages to their ex with the same brush. I'm very level headed which is why I can spot a man trying to play victim a mile off.

Isn't the money the government pays to support your son being put to good use? If they didn't pay that then you would have to actually step up beyond the legal minimum, and then could you imagine the rant you would have?

The tax you pay isn't even enough to cover what they pay for him, or what is paid out for you, so I don't know why you think you're Billy big balls supporting everyone with your millions of taxes.

Your example is nonsense, you don't earn 500k, so I'm not sure what point you're making? It could just as easily be the resident parent earning more, so would you contribute more for private school etc if that were the case in your fictional scenario?

I shouldn't respond because you're not getting it. Too small clothes for a few hours is not the same as finding a way to game the system to get out of paying towards actual expenses.

Does she own her house or rent? I'm assuming renting as it's hard to get benefits when you have a big asset. so your poor little man withour expenses... includes a mortgae that long term is building your wealth.

I think ladies that this poster is a clear demonstration of the thinking of those men who resent paying maintenance.

But you're NOT paying it to your ex. You'r epaying it for your child. So you're right, if you earn £100k and the amount you therefore have to give is much more, it may well be that your ex's life is ALSO improved. But would you rather live in your fancy mansion that you can afford on the £500k while your child lives 5 days a week in a tiny 2 bed flat in a dodgy area because that's all his mother can afford?!

Less than 20% of men pay CMS on their due date, every month. This suggests the process is broken, men are obviously not happy with how it currently is.

The post is asking why men are ‘bitter’ and you’re a true example as to why.

The tax I pay what I’m asked to pay - probably more than you.

if the government didn’t help support mum, she’d have to work. This is how my parents done it in the 90s.

Instead we have mums claiming CMS and have a lot of time to reply to posts like your good self?

The mother should want better for herself if I’m mistaken?

Less than 20% of men pay CMS on their due date, every month. This suggests the process is broken, men are obviously not happy with how it currently is.

Well sure, men aren't happy becuase as you have shown us all so well, you all think that a woman with a child should not get any money from the father unless she is unable to afford so much as a new pair of panties and that she should absolutely be working, even though the man claims he can't have the child more because... he is working.

Let's use your 500k example... so, the child should live in a shitty little flat when the dad makes huge amounts of money becuase the mum isn't capable of earning more.

Oh, the mask slips some more.

Look at you in your big high powered job having time to reply as well.

Things in the 90s were very, very different.

When your son turns 3 and your ex has to pay for childcare because she will have to go to work, will you pay more towards your son, or stick to the minimum CMS payment? We all know the answer already.

You're very right, the system is absolutely broken, the NRP gets away with doing fuck all and the RP picks up the slack, then the NRP comes online and bleats about how hard done by they are.

Instead we have mums claiming CMS and have a lot of time to reply to posts like your good self?

You seem to have time to post on this thread. So it's ok for dads to have free time but not mums?

Your example of how you'd resent paying a mere 10% of your salary for the upkeep of your child even if you earned 500k is disgusting and selfish.

You're also wrong about "how your parents done it in the 90s". Resident single parents are expected to work, or search for work, when their child turns 3. This has only been the case since 2008 I think. Before that, RPs were not expected to work at all until their children were much older.

If my CMS payments are dependant on my salary, then yes, I expect a certain standard for my son.

The £400 I pay to my ex, I expect him to be clothed to a good standard - to be clear, not to send him with clothes to my house but ensuring he has a coat/warm clothing prior to me picking him up. It’s reasonable for the amount I pay to expect this.

Similar to what you’re saying, if I’m earning a lot more (£500k e.g.), I support a better standing of living for my ex and son, I would want to see it…

The child living in a ‘shitty’ flat is mums problem, not mine. - I work.

if it was that shitty, they’d want to change the situation?

There are plenty of single mums who run business from home, attempt to work or try and better their situation.

It’s not about the job - you tired to ‘belittle’ the situation by saying ‘the little %’ men have to pay so I brought clarity to the situation that I’m working and pay taxes.

if it’s so little, why don’t you cancel your CMS arrangement? You’re knocking it but taking the money with both hands…

My ex, like you, pays a tiny percentage of his wage towards his kids, I use probably 90%+ of any money I get towards my kids.

Why shouldn't I claim anything I'm due for the kids he helped make?

You keep making new 'points' and then saying "it's not about that though" when your hypocrisy gets noted.

If mothers want CMS to determine how much should be paid for a child I would expect them to appropriately dress the child for their day, not deliberately dress in small clothes to prove a point.

The same levels of integrity they’re preaching by contacting CMS, they should uphold with the dressing/maintenance of the child?

Proof in the pudding!

Its called ‘Child maintenance service’ not ‘ex maintenance service’.

The missing 10% is being used to prop up your lifestyle instead of you wanting to better yourself financially to earn that yourself.