Do you think I have any hope of my family one day accepting I have moved on with my life?

[Pinkchampagne]

Now that I am seeing a new man, it is starting to really get me down a bit that my family will never accept any new relationships I have because they see my ex H as very much part of the family.

I understand they have all developed a close relationship with my ex, and may want to remain friendly with him, and I wouldn't stop this. They are entitled to remain friendly with him, and he will always be around because of the boys, but they almost seem to carry on like nothing has happened, and he gets invited to all family get togethers.

He has been included in all their Christmas plans, and they have arranged between them that boxing day (which we normally spend round my sister's house) will be at my ex's this year!

I know I should ignore & avoid being involved at all, but they are my family, and Christmas is a time you should be around your family, isn't it?

My new man tells me his family keep asking when they are going to get to meet me, and I feel so awful that my own family won't give him a chance because they won't accept me being with anyone but ex H.

we have been separated a year & a half now, and in separate houses 6 months.
Do you think they will ever accept I need to move on with my life?
It's really starting to get me down now.

pmsl at freckle's last post!

pc I hope you're ok

'men have needs'!

good job you can laugh about these things!!

Your Ex's behaviour sounds very manipulative - I havent read all of this thread or any of your previous ones so may have it all wrong and you have this sorted but is there any risk that he will be trying for custody of your DC? Just that it reminds me of someone who that happened to. On the basis that if he cant have you he will get back at you however he can,won't get out of your life (hence the involvement with your family) ruin your new relationships, make out your new relationship is harming the kids, try to take away the kids etc. As I say I may have this totally wrong and havent read it all - it just reminded me of someone this happened to.

No, I feel pretty certain he won't try for custody. He has always joked that I have no worries on that one. He wouldn't cope with them full time, and not only does he work funny hours, but he likes his time with his friends at the pub etc. I am pretty sure he would never try to get custody of the boys.

Hi PC, just thought I'd wish you luck for your meeting with your Mum. Hope it goes well and she gets the message.

Thanks, Tanee. I have given Mum some hard home truths about our relationship, but she still said I must have driven him mad, and she spent a period of the night texting him.

I told her about my new man too, and she says she hopes ex H meets someone as he seems unhappy, and that dad has said that I can do what I please with my life, but he will never ever accept another man, as he would feel like a traitor to ex H.

Feel a bit like I'm banging my head against a wall

Guess I just need to get on with life, and not introduce new man to my parents. It makes me a bit sad though.

Bloomin heck, PC, who IS their child, you or exh??? They show a strange, twisted sense of loyalties - not that I should be surprised, but I am!

Yes, it sounds like you might as well keep NM to yourself for now, whilst your dad has that attitude. Though I will say (though my family isn't quite as extreme as yours), my mum said much the same thing when my exh left, chiefly because she liked my ex and the reason he left was because I'd had an affair (I had my reasons, but she didn't agree with them - remember, 'men have their needs' etc - only my ex didn't). Anyway, she said 'I will NEVER accept That Man, I will Never have him in my house.' It took three years, but she did in the end. She even gave him a Christmas present last year .

I do so hope it works out like that for you, but in the meantime, enjoy being with NM and if he becomes involved in your dcs' lives and accepted by them, your family may gradually grow used to his existence... maybe...

And if they don't, it's their loss, as they'll see less of you.