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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

I hate men. sorry.

501 replies

MascaraOHara · 27/09/2007 21:50

but there's nobody here to talk to and I just had to get that off my chest.

And I hate myself for being so hopeful when I meet someone I think I could really like.

It's just wanky.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Tinkerbel5 · 13/11/2007 10:28

MOH noooooooo stop rewarding him for bad behaviour, if he was trying to make an effort he would take you out and treat you, everything he does is behind closed doors, you are worth so much more than that I just wished you could see what everyone else can see, you are going to put so much effort into something and you are going to be left feeling like crap tomorrow morning when he leaves your house and a still not knowing what he wants look on his face

pirategirl · 13/11/2007 10:33

hiya, really late to this moh, but that was very cheeky of him to say 'so are you going to cook dinner for me?'

No wonder you feel uneasy, You desp 'want him' to comeover cos that measnthere's a chance, but tbh, he should have madesoem sort of gesture, like take you out.

god men are so lazy

Raffaella · 13/11/2007 10:37

Tinkerbel talks sense.

Unfortunately, MOH can't/won't/doesn't want to hear this at the moment because her feelings are still so strong.

IME, you really want to keep going on with it just in case you have a breakthrough or eureka moment and he realises that he really does want to be with you after all.

Original poster

MascaraOHara · 13/11/2007 10:39

He's not staying over!! or at least I assumed he wasn't. Will be interesting to see if he turns up with an overnight bag.

In his defence we can't go out during the week, both knackered and he won't leave the office til 8ish.

He was chatty is his text and there was a few cheeky winks.

I've just realised I started this thread at the end of September and it's now the middle of November.. that has given me a real shock.

OP posts:

Dior · 13/11/2007 12:54

Message withdrawn

lou33 · 13/11/2007 14:20

thinkit's cheeky of him to say that moh

if you want to see him, text back and tell him to take you for dinner

Original poster

MascaraOHara · 13/11/2007 14:36

If I'm honest I can't be bothered to go out, scared to ask him in case he because I think he will say OK (to prove a point) and I'll be thinking "Oh bollocks, gotta find something to wear, arrange a babysitter etc etc and it'd be at least 9 before we got to a restaurant so wouldn't eat until v late.

I think he'd take his chance to go out tonight as it's unlikely to be a busy night out and so we are unlikely to get seen anywhere.

He did say he wanted to "try and make it work" on Friday, I said no.. if we do you won't try, you will make it work.

I know I'm probably being stupid but I can't help thinking there's some underlying issue. I was the one who had a go at him Friday and then sort of said well I've nothing more to say, I'll see you and he was the one who didn't want to go to the point where I actually had to say "you don't want to go, do you?"

blimey I'm so bored of all this now.. you guys must sticking pins in your eyes.

DM told me it was better than reading a book, I told her to just start calling me Bridget

OP posts:

lou33 · 13/11/2007 14:48

i think he has to show you he is serious, and that would mean going out in public together as well

do you like him enough to give him another chance?

Original poster

MascaraOHara · 13/11/2007 14:59

I did but I still feel quite hurt actually.. I feel like my barriers are all up.. there will be some ground rules before anything is agreed. One of them is that we get work sorted and come out so to speak. I've had it with all this crap at the minute.

OP posts:

lou33 · 13/11/2007 15:03

i dont blame you

i've been there and it just messes your head

Tinkerbel5 · 13/11/2007 16:55

MOH if you do see him tonight then make it a make or break night, dont le thim know he is on trial or anything as it seems he regularly like to reel you back in when he thinks he has lost you, but see how he acts tonight and in the morning and if you are convinced that he is genuine then take it from there, if he does the usual theatricals and doesnt know what he wants then kick him to the kerb, its nearly a new year and the time to put out old rubbish and move on.

Dior · 13/11/2007 18:50

Message withdrawn

Raffaella · 13/11/2007 19:33

Hope all goes well tonight. Please, please don't keep taking all his crap talk.

Be strong! Easy to say I know but enjoy yourself at least if possible.

Original poster

MascaraOHara · 14/11/2007 09:42

Hi, last night went OK (I think) it was all very light hearted and nice atmosphere. I raised an eyebrow when he turned up with his suit carrier and said "oh you're staying are you" in a you've got a nerve tone of voice which I think caught him off guard.

He was very complimentary of the dinner and very attentive/chatty.

we had a bit of a chat but it was not very satisfactory for me, he was very interested to find out what medication I was taking but I wouldn't tell him. Which I think annoyed him.

This morning I said something implying I wouldn't see him this weekend (I thought he was busy) and he said he'd see how he got on. I've decided that the next time I see him must be a weekend and he must take me out (even if it's just to my local)

OP posts:

Original poster

MascaraOHara · 14/11/2007 09:43

Thanks for all your support.

I did ask him where my flowers were

OP posts:

Baffy · 14/11/2007 11:01

Glad last night went ok

(Sorry late coming to this been on a course in london again)

Anyway, FWIW, I think he is one cheeky b saying 'so are you going to cook for me'... I know it was probably meant in a lighthearted tongue in cheek way, but fgs he has treated you like sht and is now trying to make it up to you and prove that he is worth it... but then leaves you to do all of the preparation and worrying...
If going out wasn't possible due to babysitters/time etc then he should have said I'd love to come and see you and shall I pick us up something nice to eat and some wine on my way round...
Then you could have offered to cook if that's what you wanted.

I just think you now have to try and let him be the one making the effort. (I've been where you are now so I know it's not that easy!) But you obviously do want him. So just don't let him take you for a mug anymore.
Totally agree that next time he should be taking you out and that you should come out (so to speak) to the people in work. Either he is serious about making this work, or he wants to keep stringing you along as some secret lover who he can't make his mind up about...

Don't let him do it! Make sure he's putting in 100% effort just as you are. You're worth more than this!

Original poster

MascaraOHara · 14/11/2007 11:11

Oh yes, he definitely has to make an effort now.

I'm not texting/calling him anymore, he knows that he has work to do.

I've decided he's definitely the weird one though, hardly any contact with his familiy, hardly any friends.. he did nothing on his birthday and as far as I can gather only a card from his dm and db. He seems quite happy with the fact that he spends all his time alone. I've come to the conclusion that he has put so much into his career that he has neglected every other aspect of his life.

OP posts:

Baffy · 14/11/2007 11:28

sounds very true MoH

perhaps that is why he is so scared of committing to you? it is probably 'easy' for him to be alone. in that he doesn't have to consider anyone but himself. sounds like that's all he's ever known.

about his birthday. agree that isn't good at all.

he probably doesn't really know how to put you first.

just be aware that if this is the case he won't change overnight... he'll probably need to build up a lot of trust before he'll fully open up to you

is he worth it??

lou33 · 14/11/2007 11:36

The issue for me would be the way i was being kept a secret. I would insist our relationship was out in the open if he was serious about me

Original poster

MascaraOHara · 14/11/2007 11:46

For that to happen though Lou i would have to leave my job. I'm definitely not ready to make that commitment to him yet. I may leave my job for other reasons but I can't leave for him, that would be very wrong under the current circumstances.

I think that it's going to take a lot of time. I honestly think he has become very set in his ways and too used to being on his own. I think it'll take time for him to remember that it's a nice thing to have someone there for you. I hope that he's worth it

He did ask me if I was free on his birthday but I had made other plans after the last few weeks and I wanted to prove a point by not changing them.

I am sure though that my feelings have for him have changed, i don't feel as much for him as I did. We will see how it goes but the ball is in his court to show me he is serious.

OP posts:

lou33 · 14/11/2007 11:47

is there a clause saying you cant date someone in your company then?

zippitippitoes · 14/11/2007 11:49

yes that puzzled me surely it's quite common to have work relationships? what is so wrong with it? you are both single

Original poster

MascaraOHara · 14/11/2007 11:51

Yes. work for a very old school company.. through the ol' boys network it is very frowned upon and obviously I couldn't stay working directly for him as he controls my salary etc and unfortunately he know controls all the work in the area I live!

OP posts:

lou33 · 14/11/2007 11:53

well then tbh he's been a shit for starting one up with you, knowing that you would be in a precarious position in comparison to him

zippitippitoes · 14/11/2007 11:54

so it's going to be permanently secret this sounds like a big big hassle regardless of the fact he is crap shit

it's actually worse than having an affair with someone..

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