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Original poster

I hate men. sorry.

501 replies

MascaraOHara · 27/09/2007 21:50

but there's nobody here to talk to and I just had to get that off my chest.

And I hate myself for being so hopeful when I meet someone I think I could really like.

It's just wanky.

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lou33 · 14/11/2007 11:55

yeh i agree with zippi on this

the way it is set up is so much in his favour, it isnt something i would be prepared to tolerate

zippitippitoes · 14/11/2007 11:57

where is the fun and enjoyment moh?

if you sleep with someone you work with then have to totally seriously hide it foir a crap reason like that then it sucks really...having a bit of pretend secrecy and knowing looks and flirting is different if it's your choice..you don't seem to have any choices in this at all

Original poster
MascaraOHara · 14/11/2007 12:02

to be honest, we thought the problem would go away in September but then somebody left and scuppered our plans. by the end of the year I should know if I will still be working for him or even if I still have a job.

I don't want to sound like I'm defending him. it is shit of the highest order.

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zippitippitoes · 14/11/2007 12:07

well as long as you are happy..it is always impossible to understand oother p[eople's relationships

zippitippitoes · 14/11/2007 12:08

that german guy i was going to meet in mk is married btw..so that scuppered that date lol

lou33 · 14/11/2007 12:11

married?

twat!

Raffaella · 14/11/2007 12:14

How old is he MOH? Sorry if you've already said and I've missed it somewhere in the thread.

I take it he's no spring chicken?! Has he never had a long term/committed relationship?

zippitippitoes · 14/11/2007 12:22

yep lou..he seemed to think it odd that it bothered me..as he was going to be alone in the uk

I told him that in fact i wouldn't be seeing him if he was married as there was no shortage of single guys

he told me he was "sad" at this news

Raffaella · 14/11/2007 12:26

Zippi - Probably not half as sad as his wife would have been!

Original poster
MascaraOHara · 14/11/2007 12:39

Zippi, that's rubbish. What an idiot he is!

Rafaella, My bloke is in his 40's.

Lou, it's a good point about starting this when he knew it would be impossible at work. The more I sit here and think about your comment the more I realise that there are holes in his logic. He was prepared to risk blowing our cover when we took the same time off for the holiday but then he didn't have the job he has now then.

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zippitippitoes · 14/11/2007 12:44

well i wasn't exact;ly heartbroken lol..i only got the invite immediately..just asked him a few things on msn..like i have a uestion to ask what is your rleationship status

i have the other guy i am messing around with

moh this guy is just a bity o f aloser don't you think

really?

Original poster
MascaraOHara · 14/11/2007 12:51

Oh that's not too bad then, I thought you must have been chatting to him for a while and then only just found out. Least you didn't have a wasted journey.

I think the correct answer to your question is yes but there's just something about him.. I sort of think that it could be really special but I don't know why at the moment.

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lou33 · 14/11/2007 15:44

i think you are right to be very cautious moh, it sounds to me like he wants a convenient leg over without the admission of a relationship, and he can use work as an excuse

am and for you

Winetimeisfinetime · 14/11/2007 16:14

Hope you don't mind me chipping in, but thought I would just say that whilst I agree with what lou and zippi are saying - ie he should be doing his darndest to make things up to you and that it's not good that he seems to have most of the control of the situation,if it's meant to be then things have a way of working out. I was in an illicit work relationship - in my case I was actually my bf's boss and to make things even worse he was alot younger than me and under pressure from his family to agree to an arranged marriage { he is Indian which was yet another issue in itself } and to cut a long story short we managed to overcome all the obstacles and have now been married for 14 years and have a lovely 13 year old ds. So what I'm trying to say in a very rambly way is that if you really think it could work then give it your best shot but try not to let him take things for granted. Don't know if that made much sense really ! Not feeling too good so my logic is a bit fuzzy !

Original poster
MascaraOHara · 14/11/2007 16:35

I probably won't see him now until work next Monday. It will be interesting to see if and when he gets in touch. It will be very telling I think.

WineTimeisFineTime, your story is lovely. Congratulations. Something is niggling at me telling me might not have such a happy ending but hey, you never know.

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Winetimeisfinetime · 14/11/2007 16:55

I don't think anyone, including dh and me, seriously thought that our relationship would be more than a bit of a fling. I never thought it would have a happy ending but somehow, against the odds, it did. So just wanted to add a bit of hope to your situation as you obviously like this bloke.

lou33 · 14/11/2007 17:01

i think there are exceptions to every rule, but you are right to keep your air of doubt at the forefront of your mind

Original poster
MascaraOHara · 15/11/2007 09:58

So I have a new problem that I want to run past you all..

My dd really really wants to see my ex. She's been on about it for weeks, asking me iof he still loves her. Telling me she hasn't forgotten him etc. I text him saying she wanted to see him and I didn't know what to the best thing to do was and asked his opinion buit he didn't know either. When we first split he asked if he could still see her but I said no as I knew he'd get back with his ex and I didn't want dd messed about. Last night she saw the fathers day card that she'd made him (I'd neglected to move it from a shelf in the kitchen) and got all upset, told me he'd forgotten to take it with him and could she give it to him.

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pirategirl · 15/11/2007 10:23

hi, If your ex is now truly your ex, and no longer part of your day to day life, then it would be best to move along with regard to your dd.

She would want to see him again, and if he became unavailablem then explaining that to her, after she has re-connected with him, wuold be very hard.

How old is she? I know its difficuly, well thats an understatement to see them upset, and not to give in, yet in the long run it would be better for her.

My dd is 5, and it breaks ny hear to have to to explain adult behaviour to her about her dad, and how its not possible for her to do things with him that she wants, but I keep consistent and this is all I can do.

Baffy · 15/11/2007 10:55

how old is dd?

that sounds like such a difficult situation I really have no experience so I don't know what to say for the best

if your ex is no longer part of your life, and never will be again, then letting her see him may just cause more problems when you have to explain why she can't keep seeing him

on the other hand, if she was very close to him and didn't get any closure for herself, didn't get to hear his explanations or say goodbye, then maybe her seeing him could be a good thing

depends on how old she is and how able to deal with it you think she is

Original poster
MascaraOHara · 15/11/2007 11:12

She is 5. A very (too) grown up 5 unfortunately.

My ex is not her biological father but was around for 3 of her 5 years and they were very close. I know they both loved each other like they were blood related.

I said no initially because I was pretty sure contact wouldn't be ongoing. Either because he'd meet someone else and lose interest or because he was only asking to maintain contact with me.

She didn't get to say good bye, one day he was there and the next he wasn't.

I'm worried that she will think that when people fall out they go away forever. I don't want ther to think that.

I think I should stick by my guns and make excuses but on I think I'm doing that for my own sanity and not ebcause it's what's best for her. We are both local so theoretically we could bump into each other in the pub anytime IYWIM.

I just don't know.

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lou33 · 15/11/2007 11:15

what about letting them meet up once, so she can give him the card and see him? Tell her before hand he is going away, so she knows she wont see him again?

Original poster
MascaraOHara · 15/11/2007 11:36

I wondered that Lou.. I'm just not sure. I think we would lall find it very hard and if she sees him once, it might trigger all the upset again. I guess I'll never know really unless it happens

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Baffy · 15/11/2007 11:38

I think lou is right. It does sound like she maybe needs to say goodbye.

Do you mind me asking why you split up? Will it be very hard for you to see them both together?

Original poster
MascaraOHara · 15/11/2007 11:42

it will be very hard for me to see them together. She'll do her usual greeting with him which is running up to him and throwing her arms round his neck so tight that he can barely breathe.. only I think she won't let go this time. I also expect that if she diod this he would get very upset also. Which will be hard to see. And stupid unhinged me is welling up just writing this.

We split (to cut a long story short) because he kept lying about his drug use and would be out all weekend every weekend partying with his mates. He had just started building a house for us when we split. The final straw was that he wouldn't take a day off from the pub to help me decorate dd's room.

I'm going to ask for this thread to be deleted as I am very identifiable from this if anyone was to read a snippet and start putting 2 and 2 together..

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