Dad needing advice

[dadp1]

Hi everyone I'm a dad and fairly new to this. This is my first post so please be kind. I have had regular contact with my son who is 10 month old. I saw him once a week for 2 hours from when he was born . I have missed a few visits for good reasons which my child's mother isn't happy about. The contact always took place in my child's mother's house. now she has moved away 5 hours away. She won't give me the reasons but says I have been no support to her and she is going where she can get some. I know I haven't tried enough like I should have. I am not on the birth certificate. I don't know how this is going to work out. I asked if I can have every other weekend but don't know if this is too much travel for a baby. he has not had any overnights or been alone with me. His mum isnt agreeing to this so frequently because of the travel length for baby and because she said he doesn't know me.

It's fine that as a single parent she has moved to her support network. Two hours a week is quite frankly fuck all in terms of help.

Trouble is you can't really argue with her reasoning, she needs support and you weren't stepping up so she's gone where the support is. I think your only option now is to do the hard yards, travel up there as often as possible and spend whatever time you can with your son to build the bond. If you can do that consistently you have a chance that weekends will happen as he gets older but it will take time. I'll be blunt, you've given her and your boy scraps for the last 10 months and as a result you now have to make do with scraps for a while. I genuinely don't mean that unkindly, that's just the reality of parenting, you get out what you put in.

You need to move.

Also I don’t think the 5 hours travel will work well with a 10 month old...being cooped up in the car, he’ll hate it. It’ll also ruin his sleep pattern, as wheb he isn’t bored crying in the car he’ll be sleeping then not sleeping at night for you or her when he’s back. It really is too far...

That’s a one off holiday journey not every other weekend...

How many times have you missed contact?
Do you honestly think that 2 hours a week is any kind of support or bonding let alone actually parenting?
Have you ever had your DC on your own?
To be brutally honest no court will give you unsupervised access let alone overnight access until you can prove that you can do what is required to create a bond with your child and put there needs before your own. Up until now you have massively failed both your child and your ex

Ok thanks for all responses

I have missed a few contact days due to me being sick and not wanting to pass it on and no I haven't had him alone because he cries with me @Stressedout10

No matter what your told your son needs a dad, I wouldn't leave your job.
Is it possible to try and make a visiting weekend arrangement for you to go stay nearby your child?
Visit with the mum & go to a nearby place so you have contact, the mum is at ease and around baby while still so young.
As time goes on you know the child & can take your son out and have some idea of how to make it work
I would try and make contact with the mum and keep it civilised and say I really want contact and how can we move forward what are make this work for all of us
Maybe give abit of space for a week to let her think it out and hopefully be into reasoning with you.
If your the dad your entitled to see your child.
Once the child is a bit more familiar with you aim for overnight stays, he will grow to know you and need you around, not all parents live close by but it can still work.
Instead of being pulled apart for your lack of contact try & find a arrangement to suit all of you. Otherwise get legal advice.

So as you only see him 2 hours a week a few days would actually be weeks then?
If you can't have him alone because he cries, how would overnight access work?
Why do you think he cries when with you, could it be because your basically a stranger to him?
I don't mean to be cruel but you really don't seem to have thought any of this through, if you truly want to be a part of your son's life you need to find a job near your ds and move then actually start to bond with him. Spend more time with him little and often is best start with 30 minutes every other day and build it up little by little.
It will take time and a lot of effort but by the time he's 2 you could have overnight access and a proper relationship with your ds but only if you put the effort in now

2 hours a week is hilarious. Course he doesn't know you you're pretty much a stranger.

If you really want to see your child you need to step up. That means paying maintenance and getting to know the child. I wouldn't move. Yet. But to have a meaningful contact will require you to move. I know plenty of men who have done just that.
I'd suggest speaking to his mum and arranging something fortnightly for the time being. Even if its just for a few hours. Show that you actually mean it. That means that if a stag do comes up on the weekends you are supposed to be going or Mark is having a barbecue on the weekend you are supposed to be going you turn down these invitations. Thats what being a parent is about. Your wants come second.
Assuming you are of good character if you move you may find as the child gets older that the mum welcomes the contact so that she gets a break too.

Are you paying maintenance?

I do pay maintenance

Excellent! Now, just keep the communication going. Stick to any visits and think about moving in 6 months to a year.

You've only seen your son for the equivalent of half a week of his life. His mum has been with him for 10 months. Of course you haven't been able to develop any bond with him.

This arrangement of 2 hours a week - who put that in place? Your or her? And what do you do with him in those 2 hours?

A child is a full time responsibility, even if you don't have full time contact. You need to make some changes to your life to commit to your responsibilities. Why not take a week off work, stay in a hotel or an Air Bnb nearby, see him as much as you can and look for jobs and properties nearby?