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Original poster

Support for essbee

400 replies

anorak · 10/09/2004 15:12

For our lovely essbee to post whenever she feels down and wants to chat, and for anyone else who wants to be here for her....

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soapbox · 13/09/2004 23:17

Yes - email me tomorrow - I'm off to bed now!

glitterfairy · 14/09/2004 07:08

Hello essbee I havent had time to catch up here but just wanted to say lots of love and hugs!

Original poster
anorak · 14/09/2004 08:37

essbee sweetie if you want to bring some household figures and stuff with you at the weekend dh and I could help you go through them and see where you can make savings. He is a wizard at knowing how to manage debt so that you can make a profit out of it, he always knows the best service providers and which accounts have the lowest charges/best interest rates.

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Original poster
anorak · 14/09/2004 08:39

And I have a feeling that if you find your library books, take them back, find a sympathetic looking librarian and explain that your h abandoned you with 2 children and that you have been ill, they might just waive the fines.

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Galaxy · 14/09/2004 09:27

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biketastic · 14/09/2004 09:32

esbee,
My mum got herself in a very complicated financial situation recently. We spent the morning phoning round all of the building socs/banks/credit card people.
I was actually surprised how nice everyone was once we expalined that she was struggling. It is not that scarey, really. I know what it is like to ignore the crap and feel it is building up and up but not really being able to deal with it. The not dealing with it then becomes another stick to beat yourself with.
Tax people are good at helping you fill in forms over the phone. I once filled in a self employed form from the advice a bloke at the office gave me over the phone in about 10mins. I just told him the figure, he told me where to write it all, and then he even made the calculation! I was sitting with a nice cuppa and he just did all the work. Bargain! I'm sure they do the same for everyone, and if you explained your situaation, they will be only too pleased to help (I know, sounds strange, but true)
I can see you're getting alot of practical help here, so you will get this sorted out. In a few weeks you will look back at this and you won't believe the progress you have made....believe me, it will happen.

Twinkie · 14/09/2004 09:38

Essbee Honey do not sort out a new mortgage for you - go to your solicitor and see if you can get them to force X2b to pay some ancillary relief and also go to the Social people and tell them what is happening and see if you can get some help - even if you go behind on your mortgage it is not the end of the world - it takes ages to get repossession and your X2b is still liable remember - the more things he does with regards to shit like not paying the mortgage the worse he will look in court and hopefully the more you will get!!

Go sort out ancillary relief though - it is a set amount that he has to pay you to be able to live and keep house for the kids - please please sort this out legally and not on your own - youwill end up in a far better position!!

prufrock · 14/09/2004 14:18

essbee
I rarely post on these threads as I never know what to say. I think you have done a wonderful job to get through the crap you have had to deal with in the last year, and you've provided huge amounts of emotional support to other people here whilst dealing with all your own problems. There may not be all that many people in RL taht you feel you can depend on, but you must realise that there are so many of us on Mumsnet who would do anything we can to help.
Now don't feel bad about this, but you actually caused an argument between dh and I at Xmas last year. I wanted to offer you our flat to stay in over Xmas, (we were going to be away and you were desperate to get away from AH at the time I think) and he wouldn't let me invite a complete stranger to stay - no matter how many times I tried to explain that you weren't a complete stranger, you were a Mumsnetter. We don't have the falt now, but we do have lots of spare bedrooms - so if you ever wanted a break on the other side of Hertfordshire from Anorak just CAT me.
Oh and I too do not part with sponsorship money to any but the best people.

Rowlers · 14/09/2004 14:26

Essbee, glad things are looking up - are you sad that your sister is off on her travels? Turn it into a positive, if she settles in Spain, free holiday acconmmodation! Hope there's been an "up" for you today. Read Coddy's "teacher nicknames" thread for a giggle!

essbee · 14/09/2004 15:48

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zubb · 14/09/2004 15:53

wow, essbee, you have done loads today - well done .

Original poster
anorak · 14/09/2004 15:54

essbee, my dh knows all about the best mortgage rates. He sometimes changes ours to ones with lower interest rates, they change about all the time.

Bring some details when you come over and he will help advise you. He does most of it on line so will be able to show you different options.

You sound much brighter, it's so good to pick up the tone of your words. Sounds like you are beginning to sort out the mess, physical and financial - which all helps with the emotional tangles beginning to smooth out.

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essbee · 14/09/2004 15:57

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essbee · 14/09/2004 15:58

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Twinkie · 14/09/2004 15:59

Can they fine you for kids books - that is disgusting - afterall how could your DD get her books back on time!!

Honey will email you when I have a mo - at the moment I am shitting myself about having this babay and trying not to worry about my pending court case.

When you go to the solicitor and mediation make sure they give you all the options - especially a mesher order where youget to stay in the house and a certain amount is given to him if you remarry, co-habit or sell or when the kids reach a certain age. It is quite likely that you would get this so don;t saddle yourself with getting a mortgage and being solely responsible.

You will obviously be going for Spousal Maintenance and Ancillary Relief too I presume??

Galaxy · 14/09/2004 16:00

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zubb · 14/09/2004 16:02

sorry this man upset you , but just think how good it is that you don't have that type of person in your home any more.
And the help is only there because you had the strenght to ask for it and accept it.

essbee · 14/09/2004 16:02

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essbee · 14/09/2004 16:04

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Twinkie · 14/09/2004 16:09

essbee - he will never get the judge to oreder you and the kids out of the house so he can buy it for himself - the sky would fall in before any judge did that!!

God I wish things could happen quicker though - it is the waiting that gets to me and the mounting bills and worry - we are in the right and we know it and we will end up better off than them - do you think it is a remnant from their being arseholes and making us doubt ourselves that makes us fret and worry so??

essbee · 14/09/2004 16:11

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mummytosteven · 14/09/2004 17:20

sounds like you've got loads done today! i'd say not to go too far down the road of negotiating with your ex, but leave the horse trading to your solicitors, to avoid your ex trying to bully you over it.

essbee · 14/09/2004 17:28

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mummytosteven · 14/09/2004 17:34

i wouldn't commit anything like that to paper tbh to avoid any arguments from him that you are libelling him - instead i would take the more subtle approach of "confiding" in the biggest gossip amongst your friends, and letting the news spread by bush telegraph

beetroot · 14/09/2004 17:35

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