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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Support for essbee

400 replies

anorak · 10/09/2004 15:12

For our lovely essbee to post whenever she feels down and wants to chat, and for anyone else who wants to be here for her....

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

sobernow · 23/09/2004 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tigermoth · 24/09/2004 07:13

you were quite right to hang up on your ranting ex, I think. I must sort out my msn password so I am on line again - miss saying hello to you

yurtgirl · 24/09/2004 22:10

Message withdrawn

SoupDragon · 25/09/2004 10:03

Essbee - furniture: The Missionary Mart! I love browsing tround that place - haven't been for AGES.

essbee · 25/09/2004 13:22

Message withdrawn

MTS · 25/09/2004 13:32

yes,yes and yes. i would also seriously think of getting an injunction against him, or even of reporting him to the police for harassment. his appalling behaviour is really dragging you down. you don't need him playing nasty mind games.

Forestfly · 25/09/2004 13:35

essbee, he is not going to stop, you will be here in years to come with another tale of his evil ways. Cutting contact is a fantastic idea, how long before he starts teaching your kids this is acceptable behaviour.

Original poster

anorak · 25/09/2004 13:58

I would take legal action. Ask your solicitor what you can hit him with and then do it. It's the only thing that's going to make him stop thinking he can get away with tormenting you in any way he chooses.

Try to find ways of proving absolutely everything you possibly can.

OP posts:

melsy · 25/09/2004 14:02

Hi essbee & anorak

Just wnated to show that Im thinking of you essbee, even though I cant give great advice on this area of your life. I can on the emtional one(will of sorts) . I hope that you get some relief form this some day and that your happiness will lift again, withough hindrance from a negative force such as his.

essbee · 25/09/2004 14:39

Message withdrawn

MTS · 25/09/2004 14:45

I think cutting out contact with him will help you get through this - so you don't need to live in fear of his visits and/or what he will do next - i don't think its any coincidence that you started to feel worse after the work/e-mails incident. as for the children - he is too hung up on playing power games with you/trying to turf you out of the house to be a good parent - he would rather try and control hurt you than boost you up. you could always go for contact centres/supervised visits if you really feel too guilty for cutting him out of their lives. from what you have said about him, he just doesn't sound like a trustworthy person, or a good influence on them.

essbee · 25/09/2004 14:53

Message withdrawn

MTS · 25/09/2004 15:09

happy mummy = happy children

and I don't think that whilst he has access to you that you can be happy.

WideWebWitch · 25/09/2004 15:11

essbee, I have some gmail (google email) invitations, do you want one so you have a new email address he doesn't know about? You could close the other one then.

essbee · 25/09/2004 15:16

Message withdrawn

essbee · 25/09/2004 15:16

Message withdrawn

Original poster

anorak · 25/09/2004 15:53

Next time you choose a new email address make it something he won't connect with you.

Of course you can make it without him. We can all make it better without a bully to dictate our every mood. How will you ever realise your own potential if you have a controller crushing your spirit every time you try to do something for yourself.

So glad to hear you're decluttering. Tidy house, tidy mind, I find.

OP posts:

essbee · 25/09/2004 23:48

Message withdrawn

essbee · 26/09/2004 02:37

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sobernow · 26/09/2004 07:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JJ · 26/09/2004 08:03

Hey essbee, what a jerk! (Yes, that's the understatement of the year...)

Sorry I missed this for the past few days. If you email me, I'll get you set up with some "disposable" email addresses and see what I can do on the filter front so the porn can't get through. Not sure which email is working for you atm.

tigermoth · 26/09/2004 08:04

essbee, I do understand your reluctance to cut your ex out of your life. I have been with my dh for 18 years and he is now my only family apart from my sons. As my parents are dead and I have no siblings, I would feel really isolated if dh and I split totally. It is a very scary thought. I would have no one to share my past with and my sense of identity would get a big knock.

But your ex does seem to be one hell of an awful person, manipulating every little thing to set you off balance whenever opportunity presents itself. By the sound of it he will not exit from your life at all easily. I could be very wrong but I don't think he will leave you totally alone, even if a solicitor intervenes. So if a solicitor can organise how and when he sees you and the children, there's a good chance IMO he would be there still, but in a better, less damaging way for you.

As sobernow says, moving to a new job might be a very good get out as well. Any chance of negotiating for the hours and conditions you want?

take care!

SoupDragon · 26/09/2004 10:18

Ar$e Ar$e Ar$e Ar$e Ar$e Ar$e.

wobblyknicks · 26/09/2004 10:32

Hi essbee - sorry AH is still being such a twat to you, and sorry I haven't been around on msn much lately - hope you're bearing up. I'm really glad you've decided to go ahead with things without him - I know its sorely tempting to grab help from wherever you can but it does sound like you suffer for it for weeks after.

To be totally blunt I don't think your kids are going to suffer long-term if they don't have him in their lives. IMO he just seems to be using them to get at you and thats going to screw them up too. At least if they just have you they have someone who really cares about them, looks after them brilliantly and who they know they can rely on. Ok they might miss him for a little while but how do you know they wouldn't go through more upset from seeing him and seeing what he does to you?

Whatever you do you know there's loads of people on here who care about you and you ARE doing a wonderful job. If you want to talk or get anything off your chest, you can always email me if I'm too chained down by dd to be on msn!!!

Original poster

anorak · 26/09/2004 10:50

This thread now has 400 posts on it and is becoming v. slow, I'm going to start a new one...

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