Separateddads.co.uk - OMG!!!!

[NooNooMummy]

Incitement to hatred if ever I saw it!!!

Now I know where all the hatred, bile and illogical behaviour comes from! (Take a look at their chat forum...)

Or is it just me that thinks it's full of misogynistic hatred for single mothers?

@Kennyy 50/50 wont prevent your ex getting a new partner??

@nevernotstruggling
Has anyone accused you of being argumentative?
Surely not even you can deny a little empathy for someone who is reduced to “allowed a little contact” while a practical stranger has unfettered access to your own child?
You seem very bitter, as Disney says we all need to put our differences aside for the sake of the kids.

So its about territory, jealousy, and control rather than whats best then.

Quelle surprise.

So its about territory, jealousy, and control rather than whats best then

On both sides. Db and his ex have a reasonably good relationship, the kids are older so can organise contact themselves.

Dd likes to stay every weekend as her dad does a hobby she enjoys. She stays about 3 weekends in a row before her mum puts a stop to it and guilts her into not going. Won’t take her to the hobby herself though.

She aslo wanted to do her a’levels at an oustanding college near her dad. Went for interview, got in. Was all set to go until mum absolutely kicked off at the idea of her living m-f with her dad. Started ranting about maintenance and she “wasn’t going to pay to have her child taken off her”, didn’t only want to see her child at the weekend (anyone see the irony?). In the end it caused so much upset the dd gave in and picked a college near her mum.

It is sometimes tough though. Younger dd wanted her hair cropped like emma watson. Her dad took her to the hairdresser and the woman was very reluctant, thought they should “wait for mum”. There’s always threads on here and you’d think hair was a sacred duty only mothers can carry out.

Parent999
It's a good high level idea to put differences aside, but in the real world, it requires a lot if effort and a lot of compromise, which is hard to do. Especially when emotional phrases are used. All you have to do is look at a cover of a newspaper and see the difficulties politicians have with all their support staff to negotiate any form of working agreement. How are separated parents supposed to do it? Especially of the advice from a site like seperated dads isn't balanced.

Interesting, I haven't found nevernotstruggling counter points to be bitter or argumentative, rather they act as a riposte to a critical statement.

I don’t blame some of them. The bias towards mothers is very damaging to men and children. It based on the very outdated notion that fathers are domestically and parentalky useless/irrelevant. There shouldn’t be any assumption that the mother is the more suitable parent as it so often simply isn’t the case.

I've never seen a thread here claiming that haircuts are a mother's sacred duty. What IS this haircut obsession of NRP dads?!

Has anyone accused you of being argumentative?
Surely not even you can deny a little empathy for someone who is reduced to “allowed a little contact” while a practical stranger has unfettered access to your own child?
You seem very bitter, as Disney says we all need to put our differences aside for the sake of the kids

If the motivation for 50/50 contact is to obstruct a step parent that's just pathetic. I believe it though!

Also really not a stranger to the child. Just to the nrp.

Putting differences aside for the kids is an interesting topic.

Differences in the former relationship obviously can't be put aside or the relationship would survive.

Differences in parenting/decisions for the children well that's simply not possible in every situation. For example if exh could decide my children would be dirty, have significant unmet health needs, do no activities that require a commitment, never have a play date or attend any parties. They might have a day out twice a year. They will be permanently tired and have black circles under their eyes. They will watch tv that's too old and have nightmares. They won't have routine vax, eye or dental checks.

@NooNooMummy exh can't be trusted with haircuts because he can't follow instructions. I did give him a long list of other tasks for him to be entirely responsible for but as described earlier in the thread he's incapable of all of them

I've never seen a thread here claiming that haircuts are a mother's sacred duty. What IS this haircut obsession of NRP dads?!

There’s one running atm where the il took the child for a haircut. .

Not quite the same as it’s not the il’s job but the hysteria on the thread is ridiculous. It’s assault, o/p should go no contact, how dare someone else take the child for a haircut...

It’s hair. It will grow back. What is the haircut obssession of mums? “Sacred duty” - my words, but that’s the impression i get

NooNooMummy
I can talk at length of the sheer hell it us for a dad to take a dd to a hairstylist. That's a whole seperated topic.
I've talked my barber around to doing the dds. I can't bear to go into a hair salon any more

I’m pretty sure I’ve seen a post on here about haircuts. I think it was labelled “ex cut child’s hair, how fucking dare he”

I shit myself when exh mentioned dd2 wanting her hair cut short. He didn't take her I did. I think that's a line even he won't cross.
Dd1 has waist length hair and argues about an atom being trimmed off. If exh interferes with this I will lose it because I know what she wants.

If he took dd2 to get her fringe trimmed that would be quite helpful but exh being helpful is an oxymoron!!

My ex takes DD2 to get her haircut/styled every Christmas Eve and it pisses me off. It doesn't piss me off because he's overstepping boundaries or doing a task I view as my job. It pisses me because I am a fully qualified hairdresser.

I don't say anything to him because I know he's doing it to piss me off. He's doing it as his way of saying "I don't think you're a real hairdresser so I will take my child to a professional."

He also buys her clothes. Like the time I begged him to buy her a pair of school shoes, any school shoes, that very day because hers literally snapped in half and he claimed poverty. I took her to Asda and bought the cheapest pair with my last £10. Five days later he took her to Schuh and bought her a pair of Doc Martins. And more recently he bought her a winter coat. It was £9 in the sale at Primark. She loves it because it's new so she's stopped wearing the £90 Superdry winter coat I bought her in October because she begged me for it.

" 50/50 wont prevent your ex getting a new partner?? "

No but if I only get to see my child EOW I'm not really a parent. I'm just a visitor. Some other man would then spend more time with my child. I don't want that.

" So its about territory, jealousy, and control rather than whats best then. "

What a stupid comment Ophiophagus. Yes I want to raise my own child. I don't want to see some other guy raising my child. Is that a bad thing?

@Kennyy so your needs take precedent

Women can be just as controlling and territorial as men can be. A lot of mothers don't like 50/50 residency because then they have less control and less maintenance.

" ’wasn't going to pay to have her child taken off her”, didn’t only want to see her child at the weekend. "

Yeah it's funny isn't it Micah? Men are called deadbeats and losers if we don't want to pay maintenance. But women don't want to pay either.

@Kennyy so your needs take precedent

Eh?

Imagine.

You split up with your partner. You have to move out of your house. You now can only see your kids eow, and you have to find the money out of your single wage to house and feed yourself, and pay maintenance to support your children.

Not a situation I’d ever be happy about. And just because you’re male it doesn’t hurt any less.

Then your ex gets a new partner and it’s that person thats reading bedtime stories, picking them up from school, watching telly with them every night. If you suggest seeing them more it’s seen as “disruptive”, and your ex doesn’t trust you to even take the kids for a haircut or any of the normal stuff you want to be there for.

Not every bloke is shit. Some are perfectly capable of cooking, cleaning and washing uniform.

nevernotstruggling, are you saying I'm selfish? Ok so what? Divorcing your husband is also selfish. Many women divorce and move away because they're unhappy. So selfish! Their needs take precedent. Everyone is selfish.

I would become very sad and bitter if I could only see my son EOW. I'm sure most men feel the same way. My ex feels the same way. Why do we assume that men don't have the same feelings?

Why do we assume that men don't have the same feelings?

Maybe because a lot of women have direct experience of men not feeling the same way. Ex-H is allowed to see our children whenever he wants. If they refuse to go to his house, which they frequently do due to his behaviour, he is encouraged to see them at my house as long as I or the eldest is present to supervise him around the pets.

He rarely turns up. Not only does he rarely turn up but frequently arranges sports events or holidays during his official contact time. DD2 is supposed to be with him now until Monday but she can't go because he's in Amsterdam getting pissed with his mates.

Lots of separated dads are amazing and don't have to stretch themselves to provide a high standard of care. Often better than the mother. I know of 3 dads locally who were awarded main care of their dc. It was well deserved and utterly in the best interests of those children.

Arranging holidays during contact time is a whole thread for me!!!

My children, particularly DD2, are to ex a tool to make my life difficult and maintain a modicum of control over me and nothing more. I do believe he loves them in his own fucked up way but he can't help himself. His only joy in life is making my life as hard as possible and because I've left him the kids are his only way of managing that.

However, if you read his Facebook you would think he is father of the year material and I'm an evil, neglectful, money grabbing bitch who stops him having contact with his teenaged, phone owning children. The saddest thing is, people, especially other women buy into it. I had to block him on Facebook because the temptation to reply to all his woe is me posts and the women sympathising with him and agreeing that I am in fact evil was too much. DD1 blocked him for the same reasons. DD2 hid him from her timeline.

He'll post photos of Amsterdam on Facebook but he won't mention it was his weekend to have DD2 and he only let her know yesterday she couldn't go because he won't be there. And he definitely won't mention that I was supposed to be working this weekend and I only found out this morning when I asked DD2 to start packing her bag that he was out of the country.