Separateddads.co.uk - OMG!!!!

[NooNooMummy]

Incitement to hatred if ever I saw it!!!

Now I know where all the hatred, bile and illogical behaviour comes from! (Take a look at their chat forum...)

Or is it just me that thinks it's full of misogynistic hatred for single mothers?

Frequency, did your ex want 50/50 custody schedule when you divorced?

On the dad’s forum the ex wife / GF will be in the wrong

On mumsnet it’s the new girlfriend or second wife, rarely the ex wife

On other (female) sites it’s the ex wife

Posted too soon but my point is it’s all kind of obvious although no one should be suggesting lying to the courtd

@Kennyy, No he wanted to be RP to DD2 and admitted this was to maximise the amount of tax credits 'we' would get from the government. Of course, he never offered to share the extra tax credits with me.

I agreed to his ridiculous request. Partly because I was utterly, completely broke and didn't even have a bed for myself after he insisted on keeping all the furniture and at the time DD2 was only six so childcare options/school runs/parents evenings etc were severely limiting my ability to work fulltime and partly because I knew he would never want RP if he understood the reality of being one.

I told him to let me know when he'd sorted childcare or his work schedule to enable him to work around school pick up times and explained I wouldn't be able to do it for him as if I lost tax credits for DD2 I would need to work fulltime to keep DD1 fed and housed. He put the phone down on me and never mentioned residency again.

I think what he actually wanted was for DD2 to have official residency at his house so he could claim CTC and CB for her but I would pick her from school, feed her dinner, get her ready for bed and then when he'd finished work and been to the pub he could collect her and put her straight to bed. He helpfully offered me weekend contact

I was working in a shop at the time so evenings, weekends and split shifts around the DD's timetable and available childcare. He had a good career in the NHS working Monday to Friday 9-5pm.

There are plenty people in my daughter's life who see her more, are more involved in her life and know more about her (and, apparently, care more about her) than her own father. His choice. Yet I'm sure he'd seek sympathy about there being 'a stranger reading her bedtime stories.' if you want to read bedtime stories to your child, step up and stop fighting with that child's mother. That might be a start...

Sometimes you have to fight child's mother. Some women are trying to keep kids from dad.

Yes, those impeccably behaved Exes

Are divorced dads really treated fairly by the family courts?

www.telegraph.co.uk/men/relationships/fatherhood/11647915/Are-divorced-dads-really-treated-fairly-by-the-family-courts.html

@Mum56347 the fathers not awarded unsupervised contact will have significant risk factors. As will those only awarded indirect contact.

By default it's biased because only a minority of men need to make applications in the first place.

I think you missed the point, nevernotstruggling.

" And herein lies the problem. Our expectation of the role a seperated father should play in his children's lives is so low, that when half of dads who win "access" to their kids can't even sleep under the same roof as their offspring, academics declare this to be an overwhelming success. "

Don't you think the bias might be because women generally don't divorce good husbands and fathers. The majority of good fathers are still living in the marital home. Of the ones going through divorce, it makes sense, statistically, that the overwhelming majority of these men will be poor husbands and fathers with a large proportion of them being emotionally and/or physically abusive. Like nevernotstruggling said, it would take a lot for a judge to decide indirect contact is the only suitable option.

Yet I'm sure he'd seek sympathy about there being 'a stranger reading her bedtime stories.' if you want to read bedtime stories to your child, step up and stop fighting with that child's mother. That might be a start...

So, you want your exh round every night to read betime stories, or do you want the child to stay with your ex?

I cannot imagine many women, especially those in a new relationship, who’d agree to their ex coming round after work to spend time with the kids and do bath and stories.

Frequency, are you seriously saying that majority of divorced men are poor fathers simply because their wives left them? And that's why discrimination against men is ok. Divorce is always man's fault? Is that what you think? What a terrible thing to say.

You just can't admit that discrimination against men is real.

@Mum56347 you miss the point. Do you realise how batshit the behaviour of the father has to be for cafcass to recommend restricted contact? Plus this is assessed through risk assessments and hair strand testing and such

@Micah why is it only when she gets a new partner that you suddenly want more access. Also do you think she has it easy supporting herself and child/ren on one wage? Paying for all the childcare which is often more than the maintenance and the restrictions on working.

I think 50/50 is damaging for children and not in their best interests. The child never knows whether they are coming or going and especially in senior school can be really unhelpful as the kit they require is often in the wrong house.

I don’t agree that children should automatically live with their mother.

I think the haircut issue is an interesting one, when one parent does all or almost all of the care of the child. It feels like a control technique, they can’t go and ensure that DC goes to a club when necessary but can claim to be helpful while doing something neither the either parent or child wants.

" I think 50/50 is damaging for children and not in their best interests. The child never knows whether they are coming or going and especially in senior school can be really unhelpful as the kit they require is often in the wrong house. "

None of this true. 50/50 is not "damaging" for children.

Mum56347

You just can't admit that discrimination against men is real.

But the empowerment of an entitled and privileged group is so much greater that the very minimal discrimination that they receive.

In the few examples of a man feeling discriminated against is because he has a loosing case. What actually happened is he does not provided enough to actually win. Does not do enough to show that he had the qualities required to do what is required by the court.

They are not so much angry about being discriminated against, rather they are more angry that the system requires effort.

At the end if it they didn't get what they wanted, that's not really discrimination.

As an entitled white native English male,I really struggle to find example of where I've been discriminated against

None of this true. 50/50 is not "damaging" for children.

Well i had 50/50 contact with my parents and it was grim. My dds contact has been reduced as exh moved away and they no longer have weeknights with dad. The difference in the kids over the last year in achievement at school, energy, behaviour everything. Because they arnt permanently exhausted.

@Micah why is it only when she gets a new partner that you suddenly want more access

I didn’t say that. I said what rp wants their ex round every night to do bath and stories, especially if they have a new partner.

Twisting my words to fit your narrative.

I can't get past the seeking to control what goes on in the ex own house. You have to make the bedt of it. People move on.

My dds don't have a huge amount to do with exh partner but actually she's done some really nice things with them and her family are very child focused and clearly make a big effort with my dds. In fact exh dp and her family make more effort with the dds than exh does and they somewhat plug a gap.

When I had a partner who lived with me exh got very shitty with me and I again had police support. I'm fairly sure exp reminded exh what a shit dad he is. Exp has lots of issues and we are long over but the fact he worked full time, made decent money but still helped with bed and bath every night struck a nerve with exh.

@BobTheDuvet completely agree

" As an entitled white native English male,I really struggle to find example of where I've been discriminated against. "

Why should I care that you're white? What does that have to do with anything?