Pregnant SIL is leaving BIL

[popalittlepancakeintothepan]

Hi,

I'm really concerned for my BIL. My SIL is 7 months pregnant and has decided to leave my BIL. Just wondering if he's likely to be granted 50/50 custody when baby arrives?

My heart breaks for this man. Who'd be a father.

Her needs and those of the child are paramount here. Not his and certainly not your delicate sensibilities which are being offended. Your initial post is so offensive asking how to legally remove an as yet unborn baby from it's mother so the father can have it 50% of the time.

It's a BABY that belongs with it's mother the first few years of it's life.

The fact you cannot appreciate why most of us are incredulous says something about you. Not us.

Actually my heart doesn't break for this man, it might work out well for him. But my heart breaks for fathers reading the list above. I couldn't imagine being told that was my lot as a parent.

Unless you have spoken to the SIL you only have his version of events as to why the relationship has ended.

How many pregnant women would leave a happy marriage?

It's true that no one knows what goes on behind closed doors in a marriage.

I'm going to leave it there with MN. This isn't a nice place.

Ok, what answers were you wanting, OP? Seems like you could have just written them yourself and saved all the bother of asking for other's opinions.

I do know a few women who have separated from their partners while pregnant. In all cases, it has been impossible to discuss custody and keep the child's best interests at the fore until the baby arrived.

I know one women who formula fed and therefore allowed overnight contact early on after pressure from ex-partners family. Her baby had severe reflux. He ended up in hospital and under cross examination from an A&E doctor trying to figure out what the F was wrong with the poor baby the partner admitted he hadn't been giving medication correctly and hadn't been following the advice for feeding. Basically thought the mum was being a drama queen Poor baby was in agony.

I also know a lady who again encouraged overnight contact early on as she felt it was the right thing to do who's baby reacted to the formula the Dad had decided to buy and it took a long time for the mum to work out why the baby was in such bad sorts every time it came back from dads.

My impression - sorry OP - is that dads who push for lots of alone time early on seem to be so keen to trial their way of parenting that they don't listen to the mums. Which can cause problems or be unsettling for baby.

The situations I've seen where it's been amicable are those where the Dad was super respectful of the 4th trimester and early mother baby bond.

Including one instance where the Dad ended up as primary carer once child was 2 as for various reasons it was clearly in the very interests of the child. Doubt that would have come about if he had taken an antagonistic stance about his 'rights'.

As someone else said - right now it's not about his rights, it's not about him. It's about prioritising the baby and thinking about the responsibilities he has towards the child. His first and most important responsibility is to support a secure attachment to the mother as that is clearly in the best interests of a newborn.

OP mumsnet is a strange place at times - but mainly a few posters come through with good advice.

You can't win when it comes too this subject.

I personally think he has every right weighing up his options and how contact will pan out, there's no crime in that.

But to some posters your BIL will be an evil bastard wanting to rip the child away from their mum.

And for the posters saying it should be BIL posting he would of been ripped to shreds aswell. I mean how dare he ponder contact situations with his child. How dare he want to take an interest.

Yet I could imagine this being posted in a years time, and it would be met with the child is nearly 1 why hasn't he gone court, if he cared he would fight tooth and nail etc etc.

If I was your BIL I would be concerned if he was being placed on the BC, she doesn't allow that he has no PR rights and would only get them through court and asking too be placed on the BC.

Hang fire for the moment. Wait until they have their talk, if he doesn't have much confidence in fair contact or being put on the BC, there is no harm in him contacting a solicitor.