Ex has just sent me a parenting plan.

[HowamIgoingtocope]

We have been separated 6 years.
He must have spent hours on thw bloody thing. I hardly have time to eat and sleep never mind read his narcisstic twaddle.

You don't have to go to mediation if he has been abusive OP. Nor do you have to do anything he says. Including collecting the dcs from his contact.

Refuse mediation on the grounds of abuse and make him take you to court. If the contact you have is court ordered then if you know the dcs are safe with him continue to make them available at those times.

If he is insisting that you collect them and you can't or don't want to send him a brief email stating this. 'I am unable to collect the dcs from contact due to work commitments as previously advised. If this is unacceptable to you they may be returned to my mums/sisters house/friend across the road.'

In fact if I were you and he is using pick up/drop off times to harass you I would see if you can get anyone else to donthe handovers. My mum did all mine for me as ex was an abusive cunt who used handovers as an opportunity to abuse me. I got so sick of biting my tongue in front of dd I had it made a condition of contact when he took me to court. The judge saw straight through him when ex kicked off over it and told him in no uncertain terms that he had no reason to speak to me as was to put any issues in the 'contact book'. Which ex did but I could laugh at the book when he had gone with my mum and dsis.

Your ex is a bullying cunt and the less contact you have with him the better.

What an asshole op.

It amazes me how nasty exdhusbands can turn. Nasty piece of work.

All the ladies on your thread are amazing with their advice and general support.

I am sending you and and hope it helps.

When your through this shit situation just remember karma will prevail.
His now partner must be having a nightmare living with a man so obsessed with someone else. That's her karma right there.
I had a family member like him. Was so ashamed at his behaviour. I haven't spoke to him for many years now as we had a fall out over how nasty he was

I still have contact with his ex wife. She's a strong lady.
You will get there op x

Yep she must be so pissed. he would never be abusive in front of the kids. He does I'd covertly. He's extremely passive aggressive and when he doesn't get his own way kicks off. I have been reasonable and tried to accommodate him. But I need to make sure my hours are at the contracted level so I keep my job and can pay my morgage. Next Thursday contact. so going to be harder as the kids are back at school/ cubs.

so sorry he's kicked off like this, mediator should sign it off as unsuitable due to his abuse.

Yep as long as he doesn't know ow I don't care.

Hope your ok How I was thinking of you earlier

Ahh thanks you unborn. I'm just thinking about my next plan of action. I have less than two weeks to let him know as he is still saying he won't return the children on Thursdays.

He's also saying we should go to mediation. Ha. We will see what the mediator thinks of his emails. I have all the evidence I need. Crack on your lovely. This anger and obsession with my parenting will break you.

It will work out, most things do eventually. I've no experience with mediation but happy to lend a bit virtual support.

OP you need to write your own list - in what you would like to achieve for the kids in the future

Keep it simple and positive

It will reflect well on you - rather than attacking his inabilities you need to show your abilities

I would like DCcto see their father for X times

I am happy to drop off/collect at the weekend

I would like us both to be responsible for childcare during those access times i.e. You arrange your own childcare

Holidays are to be agreed in advance - parent arranging the holiday is to provide all toiletries and suitable clothing

School uniforms are to be paid for 50/50 per the school expectations (it gets expensive at high school)

keep nutral - think of the long game

I'd love all of them. He's never taken thwm on holiday. He's never contributed or do
Sorted childcare. Apart from this Thursday when he contacted Ted my childminder to look after the kids.
He's always done the Contact transport. When he agrees to me tending the children's time with him I may consider helping with the.logistics. he has dictated the children's contact with him and has the inability to sort his life around the children. Of course if he wants to.do.to.do . something else other than see his kids on the alloted days. He just dumps thwm and leaves them with me.

Then you need to counter the issues with solutions

X to see children on Thursdays from after school any after school clubs to be paid for by X and arrangements made for collection and Saturday 12 noon till Sunday 12 noon -

He will collect on Saturday I will pick up Sunday.

Holidays to be allocated alternative weeks - during school holiday periods - childcare falls to the parent with contact during those times

A joint bank account each depositing X amount to cover uniforms and schools shoes trainers and PE kits to be brought in July and replacements during the year - total cost to be determined by the school uniform list and average shoe cost

Christmas will be spent alternative years AM parent 1 PM parent 2

Keep it fair - he can't argue with fair in court -

And don't fire accusations - keep it nitrile and factual - rise above his pettiness to get what you want!! See the bigger picture

What an absolute arsehole!
I'd be fuming and want to rant back at him but that's what he wants.
As incredibly difficult as it is, I'd just completely ignore. It'll drive him crazy!
Seriously, good luck

This is after 4 years of having thwm. We won't agree. If it's not what he wants he just won't agree.

Mine is the same. If it is not what he wants then There is no compromise or agreement, it is beyond impossible to explain this to a judge in family court. It is NOT mutual animosity. Yet more failing to understand domestic abuse.

Yep child exactly that , his way or no way always has been since we split. he uses the emotional black mail around the children to get his ownway ..

My ExH tried to force me into mediation. He was claiming I wasn't letting him have the kids even though he saw them every weekend, they stayed overnight eow, he had them for 3 hours on a Monday and extended weekends or a week during holidays.

I wrote a letter back to the mediation people stating I would not be attending and meetings due to him being an emotionally abusive control freak and a liar. Any further correspondence from them would be ignored. In your case you can also send copies of emails to back up your stance.

Hope it all turns out well for you.

Oh I'll go , ill be takin the hundreds of emails he has sent me to back this up.

He likes control . if he wants it ill give it him . but theres a catch haha

It was 3 in the morning. And you had rambled on for 18 pages...FRONT AND BACK!!

Who remembers that from Friends?

My friend's ex is a bit like this. Some examples that I thought were pretty funny/potty:

• Tried to withhold scheduled contact because he didn't want her to take their child out anywhere (no reason given, just being purposefully difficult). She was instructed to take the kids straight to her house, nowhere else. So weird.

• Had to do a full inspection of her new house before he would let kids stay there. When he bought a new house he sent a text saying his ex wasn't welcome over the threshold!!

• used to send texts each week telling her what meals she had to cook for the kids