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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

i feel bad cos im such a crap mum :(

76 replies

pinkbubbles · 26/02/2007 13:45

i find looking after ds really draining. i am one of these people who needs 10 hours sleep and i find myself leaving him to play on the floor while i have a 2 hour nap just to get through the day. i hate being in the house with him at the weekend but don't have anywhere to particularly go. i don't know how to entertain him for that long and find myself constantly trying to get friends to come over or go out with, which usually involves spending far too much money on eating out or going shopping. the worst of it is i don't see him really during the week so i feel awful that i don't want to spend every minute with him at the weekend. he's 8 months old btw.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

lupo · 26/02/2007 14:27

Hi,

I feel a bit like this re: lack of sleep but I am mainly sahm so its 24/7.

Surely you dont leave ds to play alone at 8 months while you sleep, he/she could choke, or do something dangerous and you wouldnt know because you would be asleep???????????

Aloveheart · 26/02/2007 14:28

Tis alittle young to leave unattended.

Aloveheart · 26/02/2007 14:30

Could you not sleep when your ds sleeps?? so he's safe in his cot or whatever?

pucca · 26/02/2007 14:31

I am a SAHM to dd (3) and ds (6 month) and i find if i stay in it is very boring for the children and me, and i feel more tired, get out and about even if it is only to the park, your ds will enjoy being out and getting the fresh air, hopefully the weather will start to get better soon so get your ds wrapped up in his pram and go for some walks.

You don't have to spend money to go out imo.

I agree with lupo, it is very wrong to leave your ds on the floor while you sleep, anything could happen.

chacha3 · 26/02/2007 14:33

i think we all feel like that at some point hun! perhaps you should see your gp if you are feeling tired all the time and tell him how you really feel perhaps its depression more than you being a bad mum! i wouldnt leave baby on own though hun! take baby out for a walk in the fresh air that will soon wake you up!

chacha3 · 26/02/2007 14:36

got to be honest i go thro phasaes when i get really tired got three girls 8, 5 and 3 and my five year old got learning disability so she needs my attention all the time it is hard going having kids but we need to enjoy them while we can hun!

us · 26/02/2007 14:42

The worst thing you can do is whip your self stupid about feeling drained. TOTALLY NORMAL : ).
I have two 7 and 5 yrs, i breast feed both and i look back now and wonder what the hell i was done and all i remember is feeling like a zombee for years.

Just hold on in there, i no it's easy for anyone to say that but, my trick was to have a bath no matter what time it was night or day.

Get one room in the house that is totally yours no toys, no kids things just yours and retreat, even if it's for a few minutes.
make sure he's safe and go. tea and choc in hand.5 minutes is worth a hundred if it's scream time.

Original poster

pinkbubbles · 26/02/2007 15:31

i know it is wrong to leave him but i guess i just sort of saw it as the same as when i sleep at night i wouldn't know if he choked i would just hope that i would hear him.

i do try and get out with him but i go to the park and i think right, now what do i do, its not like he can play and walk back again. so that takes up all of half an hour probably.

i was thinking about going to the gp but all he ever does is blood tests for aneamia and my thyroid which is underactive and the results always come back fine and then that's that.

i do put ds in his cot aswell to sleep but he normally sleeps for an hour and i still want more so i tend to switch off and leave him there. i know this is really bad and i shouldn't do it but when i don't sleep during the day i get really scared of how frustrated i become with him.

OP posts:

RachelG · 26/02/2007 15:43

If you're leaving him in the cot then I guess he's reasonably safe-ish (as long as you can hear the monitor), albeit pretty miserable I should think. It sounds like you badly need some help, I feel sorry for both of you, it sounds awful. We all have bad days, but if this is a regular occurrence then you need to do something about it. Do you have any friends or family who could look after him while you sleep?

When my DS was that age I went for long walks with the pram. It's healthy and free. And I'd ring friends on my mobile while walking if I felt like a chat.

Why do you hate being at home with him? Don't you enjoy playing with him? I'm confused.

Aloveheart · 26/02/2007 15:46

Sounds like you've got depression to me tbh.

Aloveheart · 26/02/2007 15:48

Have you thought of mother and toddler groups??

ScottishThistle · 26/02/2007 15:50

I agree you sound depressed, it's not normal to need 10hrs sleep!...Go & see your GP as soon as possible.

madmarchhare · 26/02/2007 15:53

I would go back to your GP and explain exactly how you are feeling.

RachelG · 26/02/2007 15:55

I too think you sound depressed. I'm a GP, and that would certainly be something I would consider. You could get much better with some treatment.

Aloveheart · 26/02/2007 15:57

I'm afraid it's really hard work being a mum espcially if you're on your own. your on call 24/7. I would go and see your gp because he/she maybe able to help and then you'll feel happier and that will benefit your ds too. Good luck and try not to beat yourself up over it. Everyone gets depressed at some point in there life.

Original poster

pinkbubbles · 26/02/2007 16:32

no i don't really enjoy playing with him, i don't really know what to do with him. there's only so much shaking a rattle and reading stories you can do without wanting to kill yourself!

OP posts:

FluffyMummy123 · 26/02/2007 16:33

Message withdrawn

Original poster

pinkbubbles · 26/02/2007 16:35

well not always every day cos ds isn't always happy to be left which is understandable. but i always try to.

OP posts:

FluffyMummy123 · 26/02/2007 16:36

Message withdrawn

ScottishThistle · 26/02/2007 16:37

I've been a Nanny to many tiny babies over the last 15yrs...I often just go out & walk for a couple of hours with the pram, go to a music group, drop in centre!

Have you found any such groups in your area?

misdee · 26/02/2007 16:38

two things, ts could a be sugar low time, is it after lunch etc that you get tired?

or you could be depressed.

Original poster

pinkbubbles · 26/02/2007 16:38

cos i feel so tired. as i said before i tend to just be one of these people who if left would sleep ten hours straight through. which means i need to be going to bed at 9pm which when i work til 12 some nights is a bit impossible. but most people would be fine on 7 hours sleep.

OP posts:

Original poster

pinkbubbles · 26/02/2007 16:39

yes it does tend to be after lunch but also in the morning straight after ds has got up. sometimes my mum will come and have him from about 9 so i can go back to sleep.

OP posts:

ScottishThistle · 26/02/2007 16:41

Are you eating healthily?

Do you get out often & get fresh air?

Original poster

pinkbubbles · 26/02/2007 16:53

erm probably not and i have about 20-30 mins off fresh air a day?

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