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i feel bad cos im such a crap mum :(

76 replies

pinkbubbles · 26/02/2007 13:45

i find looking after ds really draining. i am one of these people who needs 10 hours sleep and i find myself leaving him to play on the floor while i have a 2 hour nap just to get through the day. i hate being in the house with him at the weekend but don't have anywhere to particularly go. i don't know how to entertain him for that long and find myself constantly trying to get friends to come over or go out with, which usually involves spending far too much money on eating out or going shopping. the worst of it is i don't see him really during the week so i feel awful that i don't want to spend every minute with him at the weekend. he's 8 months old btw.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
kickassangel · 26/02/2007 17:05

i know what you mean about the entertaining them bit - once he is walking about it chnages completely & i found dd needed a longer nap as she was tired from walking, so gave me more of a break. it's hard at weekends, cos no groups run, but there are some small soft play centres that just have places for babies to go, you can go for a walk, find a garden centre with pets in it for hime to look at, feed the ducks etc. they're all cheap/free. he's also old enough to go 'swimming' with you - again cheap & keeps them happy.

this sounds like you are always tired - did your gp find anything wrong with iron count/thyroid gland? or just testing but comes back with nothing?

NuttyMuffins · 26/02/2007 17:12

Can you try and get your ds into a routine of an afternoon nap at the same time each day, then you could both sleep at the same time ? Not as easy as it sounds I know.

Staying in and doing nothing does make you more tired though I think. I always feel knackered at about 2pm but by the time I get back from the school run I feel a bit better.

It is hard being the only person there 24/7 and I'm not surprised you are tired.

Have to say though, I couldn't sleep if i'd left my baby on the floor unattended, I wouldn't be able to relax enough.

pinkbubbles · 26/02/2007 17:22

keep testing but it comes back with nothing wrong.

OP posts:
us · 27/02/2007 10:30

Hi pinkbubbles, You have had some good advice but, it starts to feel like nothing is working and always changing methods drives you crazy.

Not want to play with kids is nothing abnormal.

it's what you are doing when your not playing that is the problem if your cleanig or working that's understandable, you would agree "yes".
but if your just on the settee and he/she is on the floor, that's not, i no you agree.

Be constructive with your time after all it's your's not your kids.
children have to fit in to your world not the other way around.

I no it's crazy but make a plan for your day and night,
start with a get up time ( same every day) even if there is nothing doing that day get up, end with a sleep time even if you can't sleep go to bed.

do hour slots, then it won't feel like a long day.reward your self with a five minute slot in your own space that room i was on about every hour.

and don't be bullied by your child, my two we're at nursery full time at 8 months, with no sleep in the day but they when to bed at 6.30pm and stayed there.

oh and talk to your MUM, she really does no how you feel, i faked it loads of times with my mum thinking i was super woman, but she saw right through it, long before me.

she was waiting for me to say some thing, not daring to say anything, me being the touchy cow i am. thinking of ya chick

i'm off now cause i'm crying in the library, your so like me.

us · 27/02/2007 11:06

p.s. set your mumsnet profile (top blue bar mymumsnet). tells us about you not ya little one. we're interested in you

quietmouse · 27/02/2007 12:21

I don't mean to sound judgemental (although I'm sure I will) but it is really not on to leave an 8 month old unattended whilst you sleep.

You should not need 2 hours sleep in the day. 8 months are not that tiring, believe me!

You sound either depressed or very bored. I agree, babies are boring, but there must be ways of keeping yourself busy or doing things around the house, rather than sleeping.

The more you stay in, the more sleepy you are going to feel.

If you are depressed, you need to see someone for your own sake and that of your ds.

If you are just bored, you need to find ways to entertain yourself!

When you say you don't see your ds in the week, I'm assuming that is because you work?

Do you only feel this way when you are home with the baby?

Do you have anyone to help you at all?

RachelG · 27/02/2007 12:36

Sorry US, but I have to disagree with some of your points. We bring children into the world, it's our responsibility to look after them. Children of this age aren't capable of "bullying" - that's ridiculous!! He's just a baby for Gods sake. Babies are small vulnerable little things. They depend on their carers totally for everything. No-one forces us to have kids - if you don't want them, don't have them. I think the antipathy being demonstrated here is not normal, which is why I think Pink is depressed. You talk as if having kids is a battle of parent vs child. I find it very sad.

This is not normal.

quietmouse · 27/02/2007 12:54

I didn't read us's post. I agree with Rachel. An 8 month old baby does not bully it's parent.

pinkbubbles - to be blunt, I think you need to buck your ideas up. And if you really are depressed, then get yourself some help.

TenaLady · 27/02/2007 12:58

I think you are depressed and lonely. The thing about weekends is that friendds with partners go and do what they have to do and most toddler activity groups dont run on the weekends.

Go to the doctor and get help with how you feel and tiredness. Have a word with your local health visitor who may have some cracking ideas on how to play with your 8 month child.

Where abouts are you (without being too specific)?

maycontainstress · 27/02/2007 13:00

No, you shouldn't be sleeping and leaving an 8 month old unattended.

Why do you not really see ds during the week?

If you are feeling sleepy, your blood sugar is probably low, eat an apple, get your coat on, put ds in the buggy and go for a walk, even in the wind and rain.

No matter whether you believe it or not, exercise promotes energy, put the music on, lift up ds and dance, it will improve your mood, it really will.

I have DTS and no-one helped me to look after them at 8 months old, they hardly slept at night either.

Try to take each hour as it comes, and enjoy it.

TenaLady · 27/02/2007 13:02

Rachel, It is surprising how many folk dont know how to play with their children. This skill is normally picked up from their parents and how they treated them.

My mum was really useless in this respect but hey I survived. It didnt help me with my ds though as I dont really enjoy the mess of doing activities at home.

I joined a toddler group and started to enjoy it so much that I took over the running of it happy endings

us · 27/02/2007 13:06

thats fine you disagree but i think when ya home alot and on your own. it can feel as it kids/babies bully you. which i'm sure you agree with.

babies/toddles can make up to 2000 demands a day on mums, ask any health visiter.

I'm aware that no one forces anyone to have kids, i wnt 10 years before having mine, enjoying life, so i don't feel as if i have missed out on anything, and also continue more so to enjoy life with my kids.

BUT i am not one of these mums that make out it's all rosey in the garden of parenting cus it just is'nt. i'm sure you agree.

I also said that pink's is behaviour not normal, in previous post, but rather than condem her to feeling worse, i try to give her useful ways to help.

Have you done that?

Sorry if i offend miss proper.

TenaLady · 27/02/2007 13:08

I know what you mean by bullying, think you mean that they are full on demanding which can build resentment and tiredness.

I spoken to a lot of mums about this, its true that children are like a box of chocolates they appear the same on the outside but their characters can sometimes surprise you.
In my experience it seems that some children are easier to deal with and are less demanding

TenaLady · 27/02/2007 13:10

Btw, I think she has already got the message about leaving an 8 month old alone.

quietmouse · 27/02/2007 13:11

it doesn't even sound like the poor baby is demanding!! left to play for 2 hours each day? I know my two wouldn't have been left for 20 minutes, let alone 2 hours!

ScottishThistle · 27/02/2007 13:13

I find most 2/3yr olds to be much more demanding than any 8mth old I've ever cared for!

us · 27/02/2007 13:14

As for toddler groups,coffee mornings,and alike. I think that's the last place pink wants to be, with all the PC mothers rubbing her nose in it,

she'd not dare say she is shattered and her baby is the last thing she wants right now. i sure the responce would mirror many on this thread.

I'm surprised at the lack of empathy. that's real sad .(angry)

quietmouse · 27/02/2007 13:14

oh god, yes. Defiantely agree with you there!

quietmouse · 27/02/2007 13:15

that was to ScottishThistle btw!

ScottishThistle · 27/02/2007 13:16

Sorry 'us' I disagree, sounds like she needs a reason to get out the house for a start & some adult company too!

quietmouse · 27/02/2007 13:17

all the pc mothers? what at toddler groups?

most people go there because they could do with some company too and they know it's good for their babies to get and about.

It's no big deal

us · 27/02/2007 13:19

latest post for those who clearly live in utopia. Please give me the website address.

no affence ment to others.

signing off cus i'm (angry)

quietmouse · 27/02/2007 13:19

???

nailpolish · 27/02/2007 13:23

i agree with quietmouse

he sounds like a lovely settled content baby

but i also agree that pinkbubbles needs to buck her ideas up

there MUST be things to do at the weekend in your area - get looking

i cannot imagine what your mother is thinking - if i asked my mother to comeround at 9am so i could go back to sleep she would laugh and say "er i dotn think so, get off your lazy arse and do something"

go swimming
walking
the zoo
an 8 mth old can go on the swings - there is no need to go to the park and walk straight back home again
even cinemas have baby times for films

nailpolish · 27/02/2007 13:26

i didnt like M&T groups personally but for someone who is bored and lonely they are well worth a try

and yes they occur at weekends too believe it or not

join a gym - they have creches and you will meet other mothers

go to stitch n bitch if you knit

a book club ffs