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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Am I wrong? So angry

51 replies

Jemima14 · 05/10/2015 21:33

I posted my story here a while ago & got some great feedback. Hopefully you can help me out again. I'm a single mammy to a 1 year old dd, father not involved at all, lives in US, has recently been in contact wanting to establish some sort of contact, but it has been minimal & its only an email or text here and there. I have sent some photos and more recently, I mashed a few home videos together, my little girl playing, eating, being cute, all different ones about 4 mins long.

WELL, i just had a look at his fb page & he posted it, plus all the photos i've sent him. With lots of messages.

Now, half of me, almost feels somewhat pleased, he completley denied her when she was born, so on some level its like, well, its nice of you to want to acknowledge your daughter. BUT i find it really weird & not happy with all of those pictures (private) being posted to loads of strangers.

And the video, photos are one thing, but the video, shes playing naked, my sisters, my necies are in it, in pyjamas, etc. There would be very few people I would show it to, and i am shocked he has posted that. Am I overreacting. I actually just feel shocked.

Help

OP posts:

JeffsanArsehole · 05/10/2015 21:40

Yes, you shouldn't have sent a stranger to your daughter naked videos and pictures of her

Don't do it again, it's stupid

Try and persuade him to put some privacy settings on. If you can't, complain to Facebook to get them taken down.

Original poster

Jemima14 · 05/10/2015 22:04

I shouldn't have sent them to him? Her father? Why, can you honestly explain that?

No need to call me stupid, I'm certainly not, and I'm only trying to do the best thing in this situation, but I didn't get the manual & I don't know what that is.

I have asked him to take it down...

OP posts:

JeffsanArsehole · 05/10/2015 22:07

I did explain it - he's a stranger to her. You said he had nothing to do with her.

You now have no control over those naked images of your child.

It was an utterly stupid thing to do, what on earth possessed you? What made you think a guy who has contributed and done nothing at all was a suitable person to have naked images of your child?

What made you think he wouldn't publish them? Did you ever talk about it?

DPotter · 05/10/2015 22:18

Little harsh there Jeff.

Jemima - look no problem in sending videos and images, but it is worth self editing so that you have some control over the images posted. Basically if you're not happy for an image to be publicly posted, don't send to someone your not 100% sure of as you just can't know what they will do.

Hopefully you'll be able to build a relationship for your DD with her dad. Although I'd take legal advice before visiting the USA with her.

Original poster

Jemima14 · 05/10/2015 22:33

Your username is completely apt, no flies on you is there.

She was playing in the bath, for a two second clip. There were no naked photos. I sent them privately by email to her father and her grandmother as we are 'trying' and in the process of building a relationship, for my daughters sake. Why would I think that they would be shared or posted publicly, I didn't expect that. Why would i?

I am on here for some advice, not to be criticised by some troll.

Thank you d potter. I do edit everything before sending. I will not be sending anything more now, knowing that he has no concept of private. All the contact I am having, I could do without, it is a burden and a headache when we clash like this, but I am doing it for her. I just feel so lost sometimes.

OP posts:

JeffsanArsehole · 05/10/2015 22:38

You said she was naked in the bath . You can easily post stills of that.

And I did give you advice. Contact Facebook and get them taken down if he refuses - that's literally the best advice ever.

Jemima14 · 05/10/2015 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CrushedCan · 05/10/2015 22:49

I agree if he won't take them
Down contact Facebook as you never know who is on his page and what they are! Facebook have taken pictures of my friends kids in the bath (even though bubbles were covering their bits)

JeffsanArsehole · 05/10/2015 22:50

He's taken them down already? In the last hour?

I'm not a troll. And troll hunting is not allowed on Mumsnet.

JeffsanArsehole · 05/10/2015 22:52

And how can the photos and videos NOT be what you're asking for advice on - that's literally ALL your post is about.

What do you think you were asking advice on ?

Scarletforya · 05/10/2015 22:59

I think Jeff had a point. The child father is estranged , it was unwise to send naked clips of her. He's denied her so why trust him with something so sensitive and personal?

gamerchick · 05/10/2015 22:59

Don't take any more naked videos of your daughter and send them anywhere. I don't even think you're supposed to these days are you? Isn't there some law now about taking and distributing stuff like that even if it is innocent?

Happy to be corrected.

Original poster

Jemima14 · 05/10/2015 23:05

If you re-read it Jeff, and have the capacity to comprehend it then you will figure it out.

I am no longer going to respond or interact with you. Your only intention here is to try to wind me up. What is your motivation to come on to an advice page and try to hurt, insult and belittle a poster. It says alot about you.

If your now tempted to write something further derogatory, it will just show you up for who you are.

OP posts:

MissyMoooo · 05/10/2015 23:06

OMG I think you all need to chill out!!!he may be estranged from the mother but he is still he child's father. I don't believe for a moment that there was anything untoward in him reposting the video /'photos. He's obviously just a father who wants to share his daughters photos with his friends - I share photos of my daughter all the time! And there were no naked photos it was a 2 second clip of a baby in a bath!! Am I the only one who thinks there's nothing wrong with that?!

Floggingmolly · 05/10/2015 23:11

You are being unbelievably rude, op . You have also been extremely stupid, but you don't want to hear that, do you?

JeffsanArsehole · 05/10/2015 23:13

I have not attempted to hurt, insult or belittle you

And you have not said what you want advice on, apart from it mustn't be about the photos or videos which is the only thing you mention in your original post

Original poster

Jemima14 · 05/10/2015 23:18

Wow, I came on here for advice and you are all bashing me. I took a video of her playing in the bath (NO, that is not illegal) where she is splashing & smiling. I did not take 'naked photos' and send them off everywhere. It was part of a clip, that I was sending to her grandmother and father, who yes, are estranged as he lives in a different country. He has been trying to make an effort in recent months and I was also trying, and sending him a few pictures and videos of her so he could see what she is like. He does plan to visit, but I want to make sure we do have lots established before he does, and how do you go about that, well, by talking & emails, and well, when you send an email off, you tend to attach a photo. I honestly didn't think I had to expressly say, don't post these in any public forum.

Everyone is zoning in on 'oh my god, you sent naked pictures of your daughter'. No, I didn't, there was a very brief clip in the bath, which I think is fine to send, but not on anyplace where there are predators and pedophiles lurking. And to the person who said a video can be paused and photo'ed, why would I be thinking that as I was sending it. If I had that disturbed thought, then I wouldn't have sent them.

OP posts:

Original poster

Jemima14 · 05/10/2015 23:23

Yes Flogging Molly, thats exactly what I want to hear. Ask a stupid question and you'll get a stupid answer.

Who's rude though, me or you?

I am standing up for myself against someone who was being seriously nasty, don't call me rude for that. Please read all of the messages and don't just jump on someone's bandwaggon.

OP posts:

JeffsanArsehole · 05/10/2015 23:23

The point is that it doesn't matter if you sent it 'somewhere where paedos and perverts don't lurk', you sent it to someone who has never promised to do anything for her, has never done anything for her according to you, you sent it somewhere you have no control of it.

You're the one who initially posted saying you didn't like it that he put them somewhere everyone could see.

Sending videos and pictures to someone you trust and have a trusting relationship with is very different to the mistake you made.

gamerchick · 05/10/2015 23:34

You are the one who's focused on naked videos you sent being posted online. That is the main focus of your post.

He's took it down... You now know you can't trust him not to share stuff so don't send anymore naked ones. Jobs a good un.

Original poster

Jemima14 · 05/10/2015 23:39

It is not the main focus of my post. It is part of my post yes, but not the main focus, and not the question asked.

OP posts:

christinarossetti · 05/10/2015 23:41

Yes, you've asked him to take them off and he has.

Good, in terms of your and your dd's privacy and also his responsiveness to your request.

Next step is to think about how to continue to try to build a relationship between him and your dd in a more private way.

christinarossetti · 05/10/2015 23:42

To answer your question, no you're not wrong to be angry at this man's behaviour.

JeffsanArsehole · 05/10/2015 23:45

Yes, it's the main focus of your post. That you're shocked he made public the photos and naked video of your daughter. And you asked if you overreacted.

Clearly you didn't overreact because everyone agrees he shouldn't have done it.

In fact the only difference between your perspective and others on the thread is that most people think you shouldn't have sent it in the first place.

coolaschmoola · 05/10/2015 23:46

Once you sent him photos of his daughter he was entitled to show them to anyone, in any format, he chose. You were very naive. It was you that said 'naked' yet you are ranting at people who took your posts at face value.

I have read the whole thread and you have been massively rude, have name called like a petulant child and called someone a troll. You are the offensive person on this thread. Not exactly covering yourself in glory are you .

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