Fed up with not having anyone to share the burdens with.

[Solo]

Bit of a self pitying thread really, but it's taken me a very long time and I can now say with conviction that after being on my own for so long...

I am fed up with the burden of being alone.
I am fed up with struggling on my own.
I am sometimes lonely.
I have no single parent friends or single friends at all and my 'social life' ha! what a joke is visiting my widowed Mum or visiting my Brother.
I miss my Dad terribly.
I can't get a job.
Not one 'friend' has spoken to me so far this summer holiday (except one that lives on cloud fluffyland in her mansion and that really cheers me up because shopping is her passtime!).

I could write a very long list of problems and yes, I know we all have problems, but I just don't want to do it on my own any longer, I don't want to face the problems on my own :( I could cry right now and need a real 'man hug' and I don't care who knows it!

[LadySybilLikesCake]

Birmingham has crappy roads, it's easy to get lost. That's where spaghetti junction is, and it's called this for a reason

[equinox]

Yep girlies I got well snarled up in spaghetti yesterday it certainly isn't a day I will forget in a hurry! I find the symbolism strangely amusing however.....!

Solo - reiki can bring out symptoms if they need to clear. I personally think I have found a very powerful healer. I have been pushing myself too hard since the social worker visited my home in February after ds's father's abuse came out in the open at school. I have never had an experience like that before. She visited twice and was happy enough with my parenting and with ds but it was most traumatic. I feel I have been on dynamic autopilot ever since and I need to relax more. Reiki healers aren't supposed to do healing either on ourselves or others when they are tired angry or sick so I have been reluctant to do any on myself. I may do a little however. I am just pleased that I have found a lovely reiki master I feel I can relate to it isn't easy. The one I had before in London closed down soon after I was trained in it and the community was too far away to get involved with it as I had my ds at the same time alone from 5 months.

No matter I will keep trying to be kind to myself and to do Buddhist chanting whenever I get time which also helps. The good thing is naturally ds is so much happier now he isn't get hit by his father every few months so I am pleased that aspect of the nightmare has stopped. I just need to sort me out more!

Thank you for listening ladies I hope you are all well. xx

[Misfitless]

Just want to reiterate that here is definitely a moan-friendly place.

We should get it all off our chests. Having a tough day myself today. Have handled a situation with my DD1 spectacularly badly this afternoon, and am very disappointed and upset in myself.

God it's hard! Feel quite tearful about it all.

What a nightmare equinox! Tell me about Reiki, if you don't mind. What does it heal, exactly. Is it for stress, and emotional issues? I could do with a helping hand to unblock some of my emotional baggage, I reckon!

[Misfitless]

Sorry to hear about the horrendous time you and DS have been through [hugs], equinox.

[Misfitless]

Sybil will definitely only go to Safari Parks in future. The DCs and I have agreed. They have very fond memories of Knowsley Safari Park last year, we were talking about it while we were at the zoo - the irony isn't lost on me!

[equinox]

I think the summer holidays are dragging on now for those of us with primary age children or lots of children or even one child no matter what age the burden can feel huge at times.

Misfitlessw - reiki can help with emotional problems but so much depends on the healer I have found. I have also found that I rarely take to a male reiki healer's energy I prefer female reiki but I don't hate men and I am not scared to be touched by one it isn't that. I somehow find the female reiki healers more empathic and more effective. Their healing is more powerful. The first time I had a 'reiki experience' was at Skyros a Greek island on a holistic holiday which was really pricey but I had money in those days! I had two reiki masters place their hands above my solar plexus wow it was so powerful and intense. The feeling was so joyful for a fleeting moment of intensity I achieved ecstasy but in a natural way I can even recall the feeling whilst I type! It was phenomenal.

Also I have known plenty of people enabled to conceive through reiki healing. I had a miscarriage prior to my ds being born and time was running out and I wanted a child. I was pushing 40 and the clock was ticking I was desperate to have one. Anyway I did reiki 1 (there are 4 stages) then had some reiki healing then 3 months later I did reiki 2. I conceived in two months after that I believe. Once ds was born I did reiki 3 when he was 3 months. He was lying on the sofa at the lady's house whilst I had the attunement! A person is considered to be a reiki master at level 3 and the level 4 is just the attunement that enables people to pass on attunements but I have no interest in teaching it so I did not do that stage.

Ds was such a placid child and in the attunements the reiki master sent ds healing too. It was only once we moved when he was 3 and left London he reacted and had a behavioural phase for a few years. The Buddhist chanting has really helped that however I did not share a lot of my issues with our local group and have found another woman who is also a single parent to go and chant with soon to help my mind and my troubles. Some personal crap which I wouldn't even offload on here has come to the fore since the 2nd reiki session I had recently and I will go and meet with her soon as she should understand as she has been chanting 16 years.

I feel all these strategies help but it depends what you are going through, how long for, anything else that crops up etc. Different strokes for different folks. Feel free to PM me if anybody has any reiki or Buddhist questions! Hope I haven't hijacked the thread with all the reiki woffle lol.

[Misfitless]

That's really interesting, equinox . I think I'd like to try it. Are you a practising Buddhist then?

That sounds silly when you've just posted all that. But what I mean is, do you live day to day in that faith, or do you follow some bits but not others?

Feel free to tell me to mind my own business, or anyone else, if I'm hijacking the thread. Sorry to be nosy, but I'm fascinated by this. I don't want to pm all this, because others on here might be as interested as I am, then it's like I want you to only tell me, iyswim .a

Haven't made that point very well, I hope you know what I mean. If all this is private just ignore, and if you don't answer, I'll know it's private

[girliefriend]

Hello signing in, single parent to dd 8yo who has never had any contact with her dad.

Broke up with boyfriend of 9 months last week and have been feeling very sorry for myself, not really about the break up (I wasn't happy and ended it) but more because I feel like I am back to square one with no hope of finding a lasting relationship or having more children.



Might go and have a mooch round the open uni site though, I find studying helpful in lifting me out of my own pity party.

[Misfitless]

Hi girliefriend

Good luck with OU search. I wish I had the inclination to do that. I think my studying days are over. At least for the forseeable future .

[equinox]

Misfit I do Buddhist chanting if anybody is interested they can look it up on //www.sgi-uk.org. I found it online when I had moved up to the mids. area on my own with my boy and the ex was still giving me grief. I took it up when he was 4. It really helps but I find if I don't keep going to meetings it is easy to slip downhill again.

There is a lot to it so I will PM you on it as it isn't everyone's cup of tea. In a nutshell however it isn't prescriptive ref diet and drink which was a big relief for me as prior to that I had tried vegetarianism for many years and had always struggled with giving up bacon and egg and ham lol! It is sometimes very hard to get out to the meetings as a single parent and people don't offer you lifts or babysitting unless you have an understanding group or family nearby or an amazing ex - and let's be honest there arent many amazing exes about lol.

[girliefriend]

Had a quick look but the course I want to do is £1300

[Misfitless]

Would you be eligible for a student loan, friend. I've no idea how you'd go about getting funding for the OU.

It's shocking how much it costs!

[LadySybilLikesCake]

I'd like to do English Lit but I already have a degree so that's it

There's a free online university //www.edx.org

[Solo]

I'm really interested in most things alternative so i'm happy to read all about it ^equinox* :)

Welcome Girlie I'm very envious of all those who can study . I'm just not that way inclined unfortunately. Show me how and I'm great, but ask me to learn it in a lecture and I fail miserably.

Hope your day went well everyone.

[superstarheartbreaker]

Ahhh but look at all those arguing, codependent couples and then the envy stops. I used to feel like you op but now I realise I can do what the hell I want without consulting x y or z and it is liberating!

[Solo]

Yes, I know all that super but sometimes the loneliness is overwhelming. I'm quite used to being on my own, but being as I can rarely get out to socialise, I can't really do 'what the hell I want' anyway.

[equinox]

Yes it's so hard to get out and mix isn't it with work and other commitments to do with our children and running house garden car and DIY issues you name it it just doesn't stop. Sometimes I just need to lie down for 20 mins or so on the bed and zone out for a bit. I find that really helps. I am a great believer in mini lie down breaks when things get too much.

Sorry about the lack of emboldening and emoticons I never remember how to do them!

LadySybil that is so handy to know about the online university. Knowledge is a powerful tool isn't it!

Vis a vis loneliness I have learnt that in my humble experience it is illustrated by our astrological chart. There are themes and life events and our own take on things in life that affect and influence us a great deal. That is why I have always enjoyed a lifelong passion for astrology since my teenage years as astrology gives timing for things which is reassuring to know that certain angsts are going to be over and done with at a certain point! That is why it is always useful to have solutions and strategies to hand but that said I have neglected trying to find single parent chums quite a lot as it is easy to just waltz around in a sort of bubble isn't it.

Have a good day all of you. :)

[misstiredbuthappy]

Sorry im not ignoring you misfitles yes we had a good time we were like drownt rats though, bet you was too. Yes we did see the chimps, well what we could see they kept at the back. They look unhappy dont they not playful and cheeky like you see chimps on the telly. They were like that the last time we were there.

[misstiredbuthappy]

equinox I totally get what you are saying the holidays are draging here too. Dd has been a bit of a grump here the last couple of days. Running out of money rapidly so no days out for us (weve been on lots through the summer).

Dd goes back on Tuesday. When does everybody else's DC ?

Shes been good as gold most of the summer but the last couple of days she constantly wants something to do my ears are actually hurting. Im lucky shes normaly realy good I dont know how id cope if she wasnt, after two/three days of constant "im bored ! Im bored!" Im ready to run for the hills

[superstarheartbreaker]

I can't really do what the hell I want due to dd and funds but I can parent how I want which is great.

My last 2 boyfriends called me a bad mum for having a nightlight in my dds room at night.

[Solo]

Oooh! yes! I'm a big believer in 'it's written in the stars' too, but I admit, I've not followed it for a long time. I never did the charts or anything though.

I parent the way I want mostly but I have a lot of doubt about the way I parent at times. A night light is not bad parenting I take it they were childless?

I have hardly done anything at all this holiday and it's gone so fast hasn't it?! well, it feels that way to me.

Mine are back Tuesday too. Ds starts 6th form and will meet his form tutor then start on 3rd properly. I'm dreading it. I need to buy him a decent/cheap and machine washable suit. He's 6'7" tall, so it won't be easy or cheap.

[misstiredbuthappy]

If it gets her to sleep let her have one :) my dd has to have the bathroom light on which is opposite her room.

Dd is starting year 1 she wont stop talking about it she says year 1 is much more grown up than reception My local asda have got a sale on all thegGeorge department solo

Can I ask a question. Do any of you have much support from anyone ? I dont ive got my DM but shes the type that sighs and tutts whenever we go around. Shes not one for young children she likes a drink too but thats another matter entirely. I feel shattered today and feel like a crap mum. Anybody else ever feel like this ?

[Solo]

They don't do them long enough for Ds miss but thanks! and year 1 is much more grown up than reception!!! My Dd goes into juniors this term.

I don't have much support. My Mum occasionally has Dd for me, but she will always sat "I don't know what I'm doing" when in reality, she isn't doing anything and it annoys me. Ds used to stay at hers quite often, but my kids get the blame for everything and/or my Ds is given a list of jobs to do for her and he gets a bit annoyed.
I rarely feel anything but a crap Mum and my health means I'm always tired out. You aren't alone at all :)

[Solo]

I should have said my Mum annoys me because I rarely ask her to babysit for me anyway

[SpicedGingerTea]

Hello all, I'm lucky in that my parents are close by and they do support me a lot. I couldn't have done any of it without them to be honest, and I'm hugely grateful. Though sometimes I wish I wasn't so dependent on them if you see what I mean. My DS is only 17 months old and I'm hoping that as he gets older I have more options babysitter wise etc. At the moment if I want to do anything I'm reliant on them. It does mean I sometimes feel about 12 again though.

DS sometimes sleeps over at their house to give me a night off (he's only slept through here a handful of times). And guess what? He sleeps 12 hours solidly when he's at my parents!! My Mum says he probably picks up on my stress, so he doesn't sleep so well here! I don't find that comment particularly useful!!

But generally I can't moan,........