Fed up with not having anyone to share the burdens with.

[Solo]

Bit of a self pitying thread really, but it's taken me a very long time and I can now say with conviction that after being on my own for so long...

I am fed up with the burden of being alone.
I am fed up with struggling on my own.
I am sometimes lonely.
I have no single parent friends or single friends at all and my 'social life' ha! what a joke is visiting my widowed Mum or visiting my Brother.
I miss my Dad terribly.
I can't get a job.
Not one 'friend' has spoken to me so far this summer holiday (except one that lives on cloud fluffyland in her mansion and that really cheers me up because shopping is her passtime!).

I could write a very long list of problems and yes, I know we all have problems, but I just don't want to do it on my own any longer, I don't want to face the problems on my own :( I could cry right now and need a real 'man hug' and I don't care who knows it!

What's happened meglet? :(

You ok? Vent when you feel able

Sorry, election result induced fear and rage.

No immediate personal disaster or anything, household ran weirdly smoothly this morning. Both children willingly up before 7am .

Oh yes! I can understand that! scary as hell having him in again.

Wow to smooth running children!!! .

Just popped on to check on you Meglet - glad to hear youre ok.. i did also want to have a slight vent about the election.

I am more sad than angry that liberalism appears to be dead in this country - our society seems to be becoming more self centred ever day. I think I am lucky but I am worried for the whole host of vulnerable people who are about to get more fucked over... I don't understand I'm also scared for the future that my DC are going to experience - they are so young but the next 5 yrs could change everything and I am utterly dreading the EU referendum.

There has been some vicious stuff posted on MN the last couple of days and I don't want to upset people on this thread with my bleeding heart, but I want more for my children, more for the sick, disabled and disadvantaged...

Fuck it - it is what it is, will ride it out and see what happens I guess!

I am with you in the main Christophe :( I worry daily for my Dc's. Currently Ds is doing A levels, but he isn't staying for the final year; he wants an apprenticeship in a completely different direction from the career he was so passionate about pursuing. I am very sad for him. I now have to try to drag him into realising that he must apply for more than one apprenticeship or he will never get one.... I'm tired. Tired chasing him around and I'm tired because I'm relapsing with the ME and there is sod all I can do about it.

How is everyone else?

Woohoo - it's the weekend and party season seems to be upon us.. DCs have two today so that will be fun.

Ex is putting ideas into their heads as always - most recent one is around them moving schools so he doesn't have to do such a big school run.. I get his point, sort of, but both DC are happy where they are, DD shows her anxiety and stress at school (clingy, tears, toiletting accidents) and has finally turned a corner so a move would set all that off again but worse as she won't know the teachers, have her friends etc. DS is at preschool which is in the grounds of DDs school for another year (and no other option for him) so he'd still have to walk to the other school but he could leave the house 10 minutes later (the other school is only 10 minutes from where they already go!).. Sorry to waffle but the schools are practically on top each other so the only person this benefits is him - for a change! AAAaaargh. . that feels better

I think I could fight it sort of as DC live with me but ex does do one school run a week? Because the schools are so close, it doesn't really effect me as one is not really nearer than the other.. The reason DD goes to the one she does is because the other has a bad reputation - but that doesn't matter to him anymore I guess!

So - feeling better for getting that down.. why is he so selfish? why is it always about him and what's easiest for him?

Hope everyone else is planning a nice one.. shame the weather seems to have no clue what it's doing!

Hope everyone has had a good weekend. I think DS is trying to break me with his tantrums - epic doesn't even cover them - but once he's through them, he seems so sad & lost.. emotions are really out of control for him at the mo!

Seems like only last week they were on Easter but half term is almost upon us.. anyone planning anything nice? I'm debating whether to risk a couple of nights camping - could go either way

Hi Chris I hope the tantrums have ceased or at least slowed. I feel for you [thanks[

Yes, here we are with half term. Hmmm...

Wishing you all a very good BH weekend. :)

catching up. I've got half term off, we shall see what delights await us .

:)

I honestly wonder if I'm cut not for this whole motherhood thing at times my two just ignore me unless I'm shouting and I hate shouting at them but just can't see how else to get them to listen.. I've tried various books but the techniques just don't work... I try so hard but just hate listening to them bicker and whinge and demand, never ask! Exhausting. ..

Not helped because I always compare myself unfavourably with my exh even though I know he struggles too.. but he has gf and his entire family are local whereas I have me

Sorry - not a very cheery start to the day. I think half term always exaggerates these feelings as they are just full on.. They can't even sit and eat their breakfasts without bouncing up and down, spraying cereal everywhere, fighting over which bowl, which cereal and on and on...

Only a few more days to go and they are staying with my exMIL this Saturday night so I should make plans but I am just so tired..

Right, time to get the chin up - wallowing only makes it worse!

Hope you're all having better half terms..

Solo - hope your DS has made a decision as to what to pursue once his studies are done. Can't believe how quickly half term came round which I guess means only a couple more months before he's finished.. does he have lots of exams or is it mainly coursework?

Meglet - enjoy your time off too!

Chris why do siblings bicker so?!! mine are the same.

Ds has finished his exams now, and I'm trying to get him to apply for apprenticeships, but it's like talking to a brick wall it's maddening! I need him to stay at school until the end of the school year which is only 7 weeks because I will lose my CTC and CB for him if he doesn't which will make life even harder for me/us. He has loads of medical appointments which will take him out of school for a lot of days during those 7 weeks too, so it's not much to ask is it?!
Thanks for asking

christophe mine ignore me unless I shout too . Have you ever seen Full Metal Jacket? The sargeant at the start, bellowing at the newbies? That's what our house feels like some days. (obviously minus the swearing and abuse!).

I've tried talking in a clear, calm voice, but they don't even register I've spoken. They don't care about sanctions, Hudls are on almost permament ban and they don't care. I can't make them stay in their rooms because they keep battering the door until I give in / need the loo / the other child raises hell to get attention .

I've made a boo-boo this week. I've had my 11 days off for half term, it's been ok actually, I've never spent relaxed time at home with the dc's before. But tomorrow DD's school anxiety will return and I go back to work on Tuesday on the 5th anniversay of my dads death. And work is crappy and non-chatty so I'll have to suck it up in silence.

solo no it's not too much to ask for your DS to stick it out for a bit longer. ((hugs))

Have we all forgotten everyone?

I'm always here .

quiet weekend here. house is a tip, will get spuds from the allotment and do our first barbecue.

I'm here too
Dd finished Primary school yesterday, it's been a chaotic couple of weeks--she is STILL asleep now!
Her father has surpassed himself in terms of being as unhelpful as possible and letting her down of late so it has been a bit of a hard slog.
Dd has a party later, I am going to buy a magazine & diet coke and sit in the sun

I feel the same way too...lone parent for past 12 years with 3 teenage boys

I'm finding it much more challenging these days than I ever did went they were toddlers

OK everyone - ages since I've been on here for various reasons and my 1st post back and I'm asking for help
Earlier on this year I no longer could cope - my stress and anxiety pushed me over the edge. I'm a long down the recovery path, and luckily it's worked.....only I have a situation due imminently and quite frankly I'm bricking it
Ex always used to say 1 child and 1 child only, despite the fact I would have loved another, but knew I had to respect his wishes (he used to shut conversations down with other people when they asked about another, and would say that there would be no happy accidents and I would be expected 'to do the right thing' if I got pregnant again, as at his age he was too old to be a father again.
And now 6 years after he walked out, and 12 years after dd was born he's about to become a father again to the baby he didn't want for all those years but I did. I didn't take the news well (the way he told me was pretty brutal too) and for a long time dd wouldn't talk about it, despite her being excited as she was finally getting a sibling.
I worked my way through it, explained to dd why I had reacted as I had and then we talked together, ordered copies of her favourite baby books for the new baby from her and helped her with a very personal gift for the baby from her (I have a hobby that I've let her use my equipment).

But the baby is now due any day, and I'm scared I won't be able to hold it together. I'm too old to even contemplate another child even if it was possible (at 47 unlikely, esp as I am on my own!), but I now feel as if I am grieving for the child I was denied. If I go on any other chat topic, I know I'll be flamed for trying to dictate their lives and told that I'm too involved, but it's not about that, it's about him having the 2nd child that he didn't want all those years ago and I did.

Life is so fucking unfair at times

Sorry

Oh foslady, so sorry, that's really really tough to go through.
I can't offer advice, I know what it's like to have one and yearn for more, I don't think I'd manage if my exh had another. Allow yourself to grieve, this must really hurt

Thanks Heffalumps - I know yet again it's something I just have to suck up.....but he was the crap xh, he treated me like shit, walked out for another woman, they both have great jobs, loads more money than me - all that I don't care about (apart from when I have to ask if he's prepared to help with the bigger school trips/guide camps) - they must bring in 5-6 times my wage but I just muddle through and do the best I can for dd - all that is immaterial, so long as I can feed, clothe and keep a roof over our heads that's what I care about (the reason I mention this was because he was financially abusive when we were together so for a while it felt as if he was still controlling me until I decided to stop allowing myself to thing like that).

But this feels like once again he's found a way to hurt me once more. And I know I have to stop allowing him to have that control over me again

Fos :( it's horrible! When I was pg with Ds, I was trying to tell his father that I was pg and he told me he didn't want to be a father again, that he was too old. He was 35. He then went on to marry and have another child with her.
It does hurt, but the number of children/siblings you have does not define you; it does mould your life, but you can still enjoy that life and make it good. Please don't allow him to take anything else away from you. Be strong

Thanks for being understanding. I'll get over it - no choice, but all it's done is given me another reason to bloody hate him!

fos . don't be too hard on yourself, that sounds really hard. It would knock me sideways too. This is a time for a treat or two I think, indulge yourself a little while it passes.

I just want to post in here because I was about to start a new thread with virtually the same title. Two older children both facing life's knocks via education, jobs, housing, money despite being lovely, hard working people. Elderly parents who I care for deteriorating. I can't talk to them because I'm supporting them not the other way around.
Expensive time for me at the moment with a large unexpected bill for house maintenance let alone the stress of dealing with workmen. I'm juggling, work, summer holidays, younger child (and probably being home to sort workmen out before the house damage gets worse). It's too much.

A man off Match contacted me. We get on brilliantly but no spark romantically for me although he's really keen. He is very well off and I think would look after me financially if we were together. I'm totally ashamed to say I've pondered letting him just because I'm sick of life being so hard. I won't because I'm not a gold digger but right now it would be very easy to do so

As you were. Sorry for intruding. I just needed to get it all out.