Fed up with not having anyone to share the burdens with.

[Solo]

Bit of a self pitying thread really, but it's taken me a very long time and I can now say with conviction that after being on my own for so long...

I am fed up with the burden of being alone.
I am fed up with struggling on my own.
I am sometimes lonely.
I have no single parent friends or single friends at all and my 'social life' ha! what a joke is visiting my widowed Mum or visiting my Brother.
I miss my Dad terribly.
I can't get a job.
Not one 'friend' has spoken to me so far this summer holiday (except one that lives on cloud fluffyland in her mansion and that really cheers me up because shopping is her passtime!).

I could write a very long list of problems and yes, I know we all have problems, but I just don't want to do it on my own any longer, I don't want to face the problems on my own :( I could cry right now and need a real 'man hug' and I don't care who knows it!

swearing is fine fos . what is your XP up to. .

Thanks Meglet - he used to gaslight all the way through the relationship so can't see anything wrong with trying to be controlling now...

DD's going down to my dsis's tomorrow, both her cousins will be there and both have homework to do - looks like they're going to have a study session together!!!

Oh, and internet dating is crap unless you live in/close to a city. Despite what I put in the search engine, just about everyone who's looked at my profile or expressed an interest lives at least 90 miles away - not exactly convenient for meeting up one lunchtime for coffee...... The region I'm in is it appears massive!

Just need to scream - and probably best to do it here rather than in my house which has seen enough carnage tonight

DS and his toiletting - or lack of - is really getting me down. He is fine ever where apart from at home where he will just stand there and wet himself... I have tried being calm, being angry, ignoring it and just changing him, bribing with marbles in a jar towards a special present - nothing works! He has also turned super pathetic and won't do the simplest thing. . For example, today after wetting himself I sent him to the loo to take his pants off (no trousers as had an accident as we got home) and he was insistent he didn't need to go and then threw himself on the floor screaming. I walked away and when he'd calmed slightly went and asked him to get up and get on the loo - apparently he doesn't know how to stand up. I didn't help him so more screams so I walked away again... repeat and repeat I ended up helping him up to discover that despite not needing the toilet and being right beside it he has weed on himself, his socks and all over the floor... All because he 'didn't know' how to stand up!

My kitchen is constantly filled with wet trousers & pants, it & him smell, I lift him onto my lap and he's wet so then I'm wet... i am just at the end of my tether.

He is fine everywhere else and if he does have an accident, it's either on his way to the loo or whilst he's on it and he's caught himself a bit.. but with me, he won't even walk to the toilet or go on it if I ask him to try.. It is soul destroying!!!

He didn't used to be this bad - 'trained' since October - but I just don't know what to do...

Help

Oh Chris :( that sounds so horrid for you. You will have said before, but what age is he? if toddler age/size, what about trying one of these. Didn't ever use one for mine, but I know people that have and it was a success.

for you.

Sympathy's Chris that must be exhausting for you. Has anything altered in his routine?

Thanks ladies - just venting has helped

He's 3 Fos and a proper threenager (DD was particularly trying around this age as well) so in addition to the toiletting, he is push push pushing against everything already.

The only change I can think of is around his dad, seeing him once a week after not seeing him really for the previous 3/4 months. He did say when I put him to bed that he just wants to stay with me but he has always said this a lot (he wouldn't get out the car last week when he was ill and was screaming for me when I left him with his dad which broke my heart!). I don't think exh is horrid with them - he was always an excellent father when we were together but he has changed immeasurably since we split, so perhaps he is not so nice to them now? I don't know but I don't have any serious misgivings of them spending time with him so don't think it can be that....

I just hope it's a phase and he'll get through it. Thanks for the link Solo - it actually reminded me I have some little ball things upstairs that you drop in the loo and then the boy tries to hit it with his wee... perhaps if it's more of a game, he might try harder? Worth a go...

As always - it is sooooo good having somewhere to let off steam. I am struggling on my own at the moment if I'm honest - I had irrational rage earlier as visited the dreaded Facebook only to be greeted with 'it's so good to finally have some me time' from someone who genuinely seems to have it all; doting husband who is also a teacher so no childcare worries in holidays which is my personal nightmare, successful career which she seems to do effortlessly, perfect child who is still very small so cute and cuddly (PF - and only - B as well which I think keeps them rose tinted glasses on for longer), bounced straight back to pre-pregnancy shape and who everyone loves... and felt like shouting 'YOU GET ME TIME - YOU HAVE YOUR DH TO SHARE THE LOAD!!!' Totally unfair as she is lovely and a friend but as I said, wallowing a bit really!

Right - in the middle of making Victoria Sponge for DS's preschool open day tomorrow.. It never ends

christophe apparently you can do the toilet aiming thing with rice crispies too. Just as long as they don't they try to scoop them out and eat them .

Total change of plan with my potential new laptop and OU course, I've finally dropped out. TBH I'm not upset because last years course nearly killed me off and I had more family support around me. I realised I couldn't go back to shouty bedtimes because mummy needed to study and staying up to 1am. It didn't seem fair to concentrate on my course but let them get away with less reading and homework time. I might take OU up again in 2/3 years, for now I need to focus on the children and my daughter who still doesn't bloody sleep.

Anyway, few days off work now. The sun is out and I've got the gym later, got to make the most of it before the dc's break up tomorrow.

it is quite difficult to aim a willy. I suppose it would be easier if one was the owner of said willy. oh the joys of having small boys.

Too true - they seem quite mysterious really and when they are held free style, they're like an out of control fire hose I am sure he'll get there, just wish it was sooner rather than later (sigh)

You sound at peace with your decision Meglet and does sound like a good one for where you are at the moment. I made a similar decision at the beginning of the year around work as I couldn't keep working full time, being there all the time, having no patience as so tired all the time (not that that's changed ) and stressing all the time.. its quite a relief when you admit to yourself you can't do it all and it can just wait until there's more time & space to do it

Party-tastic here yesterday - DS had diversity day at his preschool so bit of a dance, play and then munching lots of tasty treats (hence my Victoria Sponges - very British ) followed by a Teddy Bears Picnic with DD - think I was only one of about 3 parents who brought their own teddies oh well - DD enjoyed it...

Now just gearing up for the holidays - does anyone have some nice plans? Still quite up in the air here but maybe couple of days out and lots of chocolate eating!

My Ds has never been a stand and aim it boy; he sits to wee...lucky me eh?! no splashes or puddles or smells! love it! love him too :)

Solo - sounds perfect and that's how we do it at my house... exh has decided DS needs to stand so he comes back all confused and weeing everywhere.. He has him for 5 nights a month - just let him be, grrrrr

no big plans for easter here. tbh I'm hoping for some nice weather so we can get to the allotment. I'd rather like a day out in London but I won't go until it's hot, can't stand chilly London days and hauling coats around.

well, by the looks of it every parent (couples) was close to breaking point in the diy store this afternoon. made me feel like I was less alone .

I am child free this weekend so took the opportunity to drink waaaaay too much last night, celebrating my decree nisi coming through.. feel decidedly unwell today so am curled up in bed with a good book - wild

Congratulations Chris :)
Meg did you get to the allotment?

solo we did. my allotment neighbour gave me some surplus shallots to sow and the dc's dug over their plot, and arsed around.

Excellent meg :)

what's everyone up to this week?

I've got 2 x 2 day weeks at work, just as well really because I'm really fed up with work at the moment , mum has got the dc's on those days.

:) I'm just trying to get on with decluttering and sorting my house out!

I hope work isn't too bad meg

Hi Solo, I have just come across your thread for the first time, and I have been crying over how brave and strong you are. My 13 year old daughter has ME, so I know exactly how depressing and debilitating it is. I just want to say that your love for your children, and your determination to keep fighting adversity (and to keep finding the little bits of joy in life) shine out of every post you write.

I've been so good and not posted what I want to on the big tories cut to chb thread.

All those suggesting lp's must go back to work when their dc's reach school age . I was this close to pointing out that it's a damn sight easier for 2 parent families to work, 2 lots of annual leave ( and in laws!) to cover illness and school hols for a start. but I was early good and kept my mouth shut .

although, if all the 2 parent families worked then they'd pinch the best p/t jobs from us. so shouldn't complain really.

solo yes, I muddled through work. got 5 days off now. got to sort out the bombsite that was previously known as my house ..

They say you should never talk religion or politics with friends Meg - and it's so true. I tried really hard to explain to a friend why I could never bring myself to vote Conservative and he just didn't get it.. I gave up (and am now bombarding his FB wall with articles and blogs which say it all so much better than I could )

DC are currently wrecking the other room whilst I MN and drink tea. DD needs new glasses so at some point we will need to get out the house but the weather has really turned so I have no desire to really So much washing to do, tidying up etc..

We went out with friends yesterday and as we were leaving, much later than planned, my friend said she'd just text her DH to get dinner ready for when they got in. I 'joked' that I wished I had that option and her response was along lines of - well, you live closer so you'll be home quicker! And she is someone who I thought understood a bit.. but i just want a night off being the one to prepare, cook or even just decide what we're having! Oh well.. We had hotdogs not exactly a taxing tea!

And Clara is so right, Solo - you're a very special lady!

Aw! Clara and Chris thank you!! . I never see myself that way at all (I even tried to look through a small part of this thread to see how I portrayed that image, but couldn't find it). I know I'm strong enough to do it on my own, but I feel like I'm tripping along, not strolling iyswim? But you know? I think we are all strong and special women even though we don't see it ourselves...we have to be strong don't we? no choice!! :)

Meglet I hope you are enjoying the start of your 5 days off! :)
Chris these friends will never understand our position. I was thinking about this just yesterday about my friends. I wonder how their thinking would change if they were thrown into single parentdom. Then I think "well, it'll never happen to them"

I hope the last few days of the Easter break are good for you all

christophe yy, having another person at home to get food ready would be amazing. As it is I have to haul us all in, sort out clutter and start on tea.