Fed up with not having anyone to share the burdens with.

[Solo]

Bit of a self pitying thread really, but it's taken me a very long time and I can now say with conviction that after being on my own for so long...

I am fed up with the burden of being alone.
I am fed up with struggling on my own.
I am sometimes lonely.
I have no single parent friends or single friends at all and my 'social life' ha! what a joke is visiting my widowed Mum or visiting my Brother.
I miss my Dad terribly.
I can't get a job.
Not one 'friend' has spoken to me so far this summer holiday (except one that lives on cloud fluffyland in her mansion and that really cheers me up because shopping is her passtime!).

I could write a very long list of problems and yes, I know we all have problems, but I just don't want to do it on my own any longer, I don't want to face the problems on my own :( I could cry right now and need a real 'man hug' and I don't care who knows it!

Meant to add Solo - your DS could always use a vocational route to get into Uni if he isn't able to find an apprenticeship.. and for teaching, there is normally a foundation year before the degree anyway (I think - could be quite wrong!).. Must be really stressful but I can totally see your love for him in your posts so you are not a crap mum, you are an excellent mum!

Right, off to watch Frozen for the 1100th time

where on earth did that 'obesity' in my previous post come from .

evening. I was just going to say I'd made it half way through the week but it apparently it's only Tuesday .

hope everyone's week has improved a little.

Hi meglet and everyone. Hope all is ok with you all?

I have ordered some St John's Wort for Ds to see if that will help him a bit. Not sure if I should start him off on a lesser dose; it says 1 tablet 3x a day. I feel such a failure as a Mum :(

Solo - you are not a failure, at all! I think of all the additional stresses on young adults that weren't there when I was that age - social media, obsession with brands and body shape, insidious ways of hurting kids that just weren't even thought of even 10 yrs ago.. I am not surprised that so many struggle with their mental health. The fact he is able to talk to you about it is a HUGE thing - he's not hiding it, ashamed of it or unwilling to seek help so I would say you're down a fab job.

I have heard good things about St John's Wort as well so perhaps it will help him balance himself better and be able to think clearer about his future. Thing is, whatever he chooses you'll back him up and support him regardless even if you have misgivings - and that truly is the sign of a great parent..

Quick moan of my own - put my back out on Monday and I am in agony probably should see the GP but don't want to be dosed up as need to be alert for the kids. Really brings it home that I'm on my own.. friend gave me a sofa bed for my front room yesterday - amazing - but had to get the old one upstairs and ended up having to dismantle it as I didn't have the strength to push it up the stairs (back really not helping)... so what should have been a 10 minute job took the better part of an hour. I suppose I should be proud as I did myself - but I just felt sort of lonely. Ah well - I now have a sofa in my bedroom for lounging and feeling decadent on - although have realised I now need to move everything about to get the best use of the space. Something for another day, methinks!

and we are halfway through now Meglet

how's your back now fush?

solo how are you and your ds today?

I've realised I'm sick of being bad cop all the time. It totally warps the dynamic in the household. my family don't back me up that often, I get more support from the cashiers in the supermarket ("will you two BEHAVE for your mother!").

I'm also fed up with typing on my phone and not having a laptop for a few days. hopefully it will be fixed by Monday.

Hi everyone!

Hope your back's beginning to ease Fush - you have my total sympathy. And hope things are calming for you Solo. Meglet, not sure how old your dc's are but when it got a bit like that in our house I sat dd down and we wrote out a series of house rules that we both agreed on. We still have it on the wall - including the rule 'Don't pop crisp bags'!
Supposed to have met up with a friend today but unfortunately didn't work out. She's a lovely lady so was a really apologetic about it so I didn't mind, so ended up having a cuppa and cake on my own as I still had to go and pick up a mother's day gift for his mother (long story but I do still buy for her). Have to go over to parents tomorrow. Normally my dsis and I 'share' saturday's with them - one of us picks up and one takes home, but my sister's away so I'm going to suggest that I just go over tomorrow otherwise I'll get nothing done and that's my aim for Sunday!
Didn't have the best of weeks this week - by Thursday the anxiety had reared it's ugly head quite badly so I've been a bit tearful......but I will get there......

fos did you start counselling? I remember you weren't sure about the anti-D's.

house rules is something we've never tried. I think it might help. I could get the sheet laminated and everything . Thank you.

it's very quiet here. The dc's are playing angry birds / toca boca hairdressing. We were out for parkrun earlier and they've done homework so they can fill their boots now.

and I've got a huge veggie lasagne to make so don't want them running amok.

hope every one is ok. spring is coming, although it can hurry up a bit more.

Very quiet 'Woohoo' Meg - hope it's still quiet!

Counselling started last week, another session next week. Was really more of an explanation more than anything, but as she was reading my notes from the telephone call out aloud she suddenly got to an 'interesting' bit when she slowed down, stopped talking, looked at me and then said she was going to refer me for stress counselling too! Also has done me a Gym referral to get me out and about and meeting people again...hmm!!! She also said about SSSI's (now know what that means on the medicine leaflets!) and why wasn't I on them. She was a bit 'Oh - right.....' when I said that my GP hadn't mentioned them and I wanted to give counselling a go on it's own 1st, and I got the talk on how successful the 2 are together, but the way I feel is that I've got this far, it'll take around 6 weeks to get any effect from them, Summer's coming so any effects of the lack of sunshine should ease if that's been a factor (don't know if it is but hey - who knows?) and if the GP didn't think I needed them when I was a sobbing mess in his surgery he won't now I'm feeling stronger (generally).

Had a run at work this week that actually knocked me back more than I realised despite me handling it better, and I have been low for the last 2 days, but now dd's back from her dad's I feel more settled.

Biggest laugh is - he paid for some flowers for me from dd!!!! She didn't tell him she'd already been shopping (with my cash!) and told him she'd bought a card on the way to school with her friends (liar!!!)

Going to see Home tomorrow for my Mother's Day treat - we both wanted to see Insurgent but the inconsiderate so & so's aren't releasing that until next week - another trip to the movies methinks!!!

Hope all of us get some recognition from our dc's tomorrow - even a 'Happy Mother's Day, Mum' and a smile - but if not here's these to all of us fab mums who spend all year just having to get on with it

Cheers!

Hey lovelies - thanks so much for the Get Better Back vibes.. still a bit stiff but definitely on the mend..

Like Fos, hoping we all get a little bit of recognition tomorrow.. no chance of breakfast in bed this end but they came back from a shopping trip with Nanny (my MIL) with something in gold paper so I know I've got a little treat in the morning.. DD is very excited so probably Hello Kitty or Frozen related

Has anyone here watched Breaking Bad - have two episodes to go but forced myself to bed or I know I would still be watching at 1 am.. but oh my! It is goooood! Who knew the zany dad from Malcolm in the Middle was such a good actor (helps Aaron Paul is very attractive too - very young though )

Ok - so Aaron Paul is 36, so older than I thought.. don't feel quite so letchy now

OMG - I had a SERIOUS breaking bad addiction - did the whole lot in 10 days (and at work for 4 of them!!!) - it was the only reason I got netflix!!!

(didn't help that there's someone I really like but he doesn't like me any more in that way that looks like Bryan Cranston!!! (might be spelt wrong - oops!!!))

fush I've not seen breaking bad yet. although one of the module questions on last year's OU finance module was based on it. something like 'Walter and Jesse are starting a business based from home. They have x to spend on materials.........'. .

That is great Meglet - exams have definitely improved since i was at school although not sure calculating sums based on meth production is the way forward But, and I'm sure Fos will agree, you should watch it.. considering it covers a pretty dark subject, there are some really fun bits. its all got a bit crazy now though... wish I was watching instead of sitting, freezing my bits off watching the DC on a bouncy castle. Happy Mothers Day ladies

right. I'm token lp in the middle of a busy restaurant, full of families. I'm praying to every God known to man that the dc's behave .

Hope you've had a nice time in the restaurant Meglet.

In France so not mother's day here, but I'm never bothered by it anyhow.

Feeling a bit down today, went to a leaving do last night for a friend here in France, she's going back to the UK next week and lots of tears were cried as she's very sad to leave. I've been thinking about it today and I realised I'd come back to the UK with a hop and a skip. I'm stuck here for at least another eight years until youngest DC goes off to uni. This isn't my dream, it's all XH's dream, I didn't even want children, although I wouldn't be without them now and adore them. He saw them for three days last year and hasn't seen them now since the end of November. Sometimes, I'm very envious of him being able to walk away from all the stresses and strains of living and working in a foreign country, struggling with the language and a child with special needs and trying to live on not much money at all.

I'm very happy by myself and really can't see myself ever being in another long-term relationship again, the sense of relief I felt when XH phoned me to tell me he was leaving me was immense and I was definitely trapped and unhappy in my marriage. But it must be lovely to have someone to share the burden of life with, to be able to sound off to about money problems or worrying about DCs and their problems.

Hello everyone. I hope you all had a reasonably good Mothering Sunday

I had a card from Dd this morning and I then collected Ds and Mum to take them out for afternoon tea. Ds gave me a card (that Mum had made) and had written some lovely words in...Mum then says "do you like the card?" as in I made the card and gave it to Ds to give to you which kind of spoiled it for me really. But it was a lovely afternoon...something was said about going out (can't remember who by) for the afternoon tea and I just said "well, nobody does anything for me, so I thought I'd do it myself" Mum then said that she "tries to do things for me" but she doesn't!!! and it makes me mad that not one person thinks about me!!

I have read all your posts ladies, but I need sleep. I hope you are all well/better and that you are feeling buoyant in mood. Sleep well and well done on being Fabulous Mummies!! :)

solo it makes you feel like you're the bottom of the pile doesn't it . If we want it done we have to think it, organise it and bloody do it.

So with you Solo - last Christmas I had my parents ask me to get my sister's Christmas pressie (who is married so had the chance of a 'surprise' from her dh) and MY OWN . With 3 days to go before the 'big day' I rang my sister in angry tears saying that I had no opening present from mum and dad (they give us -very welcome- cash as a main gift but like us to have a token gift so we have something to open) and quite frankly didn't bloody care - I was knackered and fed up and I WANTED A BLOODY SURPRISE TOO!!!! It's not that they're bad parents - just don't think and so yep - bottom of the bloody heap was how I felt ! It was only at that point that my sister went and bought me something from my parents....ie when it was pointed out to her (and she was a lone parent too for a few years so you'd have hoped she'd have thought about my situation without it being pointed out)

It really gets to me too when you think to do something 'nice' for others just because you know they'll feel good because you know that that is what you'd like someone to do for you once in a while (and yes, it does make the giver feel good too to an extent) but yet to get it reciprocated seems rare - and if you say it to people you sound bratty. But when you get the 'pointed' comments added on, well, back to square one really......

I'm so glad we have this thread - least we can be here for each other!!!

fos that would piss me off too. It's bad enough never being treated but having to sort out other people's gifts is taking the piss.

I've had fun today. The gp referred me to cardiology a while back because I've been getting lots of palpitations (i suspect stress or peri-menopause but didnt want to risk it) so today I'm wearing an ecg heart monitor for 24hrs. it's safe to say I stood out like a sore thumb in the cardiovascular waiting room, all 20+ yrs older than me. got to pop back to the hospital tomorrow to have it removed.

now I have to sort out an outfit for a school play .

Hey ladies - am currently sat in a darkened hospital room with a friend and her DS whilst she gets some rest and I keep an eye on the little one. . he's really not well, poor soul

I will admit that before I became a lone parent, it never really occurred to me how little my family actually give a shit. My brother is golden child and nothing is too much for him but I'm basically left to get on with it. I shouldn't moan as I think a lot of it is because my parents don't really know or understand my situation, but like a lot of you - I get tactless requests, forgotten about on important days... can be so hard..

I made the mistake of looking on bloody Facebook the other day. . perfect people with their perfect lives And i am being mean now because these are genuinely my friends, I don't add random people, so I should be happy for them... but sometimes it's just so hard to see..

Where I am though makes me realise that I am incredibly lucky in many ways. My DC are hale & healthy and so am I so I need to be grateful for the good stuff I do have..

Goodness - this post is all over the place.. I'm blaming the time. Night all

fush (hugs) those fb posts are not people with perfect lives. even when XP was in his peak nasty stage I didn't
mention a peep of it on fb. tbh I know a few people who post wonderful stuff on fb but behind the scenes they have crappy relationships and loads of problems. it's all a facade.

how is your friends little boy now? I hope he's on the mend and you have got some rest.

Aw thanks Meglet - my friends DS has been in hospital for about 7 weeks now so he is streets ahead of where he was when he went in not quite there yet (and has picked up sickness/diarrhoea this week) but the improvement over the last 2 to 3 weeks has been marked and i think - hope - the end is coming into sight?

Anyways - sat on a conference call for work.. The team I work with are based on the other side of he country so tough (with my DC situation) to get to meetings so am dialled in to a room full of people who probably have forgotten I'm on the other end of the phone in the middle of the table! It should be a video conference though but that's not working so at least I can MN whilst chipping in occasionally
Happy midweek all!

And completely agree about FB.. I just avoid it now when i used to post a fair bit but when exh left, I found it unbearable and haven't really been back (plus, although my privacy settings are tighter than tight, they're always changing things and I really don't want the ex to see anything about my life).

Also, the friends that matter - we speak in real life and catch up face to face. . like it used to be!