Fed up with not having anyone to share the burdens with.

[Solo]

Bit of a self pitying thread really, but it's taken me a very long time and I can now say with conviction that after being on my own for so long...

I am fed up with the burden of being alone.
I am fed up with struggling on my own.
I am sometimes lonely.
I have no single parent friends or single friends at all and my 'social life' ha! what a joke is visiting my widowed Mum or visiting my Brother.
I miss my Dad terribly.
I can't get a job.
Not one 'friend' has spoken to me so far this summer holiday (except one that lives on cloud fluffyland in her mansion and that really cheers me up because shopping is her passtime!).

I could write a very long list of problems and yes, I know we all have problems, but I just don't want to do it on my own any longer, I don't want to face the problems on my own :( I could cry right now and need a real 'man hug' and I don't care who knows it!

Hello to all the newbies!

I'll introduce myself, I have a DD who is 15, so slightly easier than you poor buggers having no sleep. I literally cannot get DD out of bed but she's independent / look after herself etc. Basically I have been a lone parent since mid 2013 after my DH died. I work as an accountant in a highly demanding job with lots of overtime and I live in New Zealand.

I have a lovely family apart from one NC brother but all are miles away, work full time or in a rest home etc.

Anyway, not a lot happening here, apart from we got a lovely black stray cat in the weekend called Benji. Cute dog solo!

aghhh! I am sick of bedtimes and tooth brushing battles . Every evening it's the same with dd, total refusal to do anything for love nor money and I end up furious and shouting .

Hi everyone. I've just found this thread and it looks ideal for me.
I'm a single mum to four children (ages 24,19,9 & 4). I've been properly single for 8 years with a few short term boyfriends in between (hence 4yr old dd).
I an in 1st year of a teaching degree at university and I love having something for 'me' but it is tough juggling everything.
My two eldest are great help with the younger two but my eldest works 6 days a week and my second eldest is at university and lives with my parents during term time so most of the time I'm on my own.
I do feel lonely a lot of the time.
I am the only one of my friends who is single so my social life has dried up or almost nothing. I cannot remember a time when I last went out without at least one of my children!

ghirly you are doing a great job! teaching degree and eldest dc's already doing well . are you studying at this stage, or have you started placements yet?

6yo dd who enraged me with her bedtime shenanigans earlier is now sitting on my bed watching rick Stein with me. and to think this was a strict Gina Ford household when they were little.

Hi meglet
I've done some days in placement already. We start with 10 days in 1st year then it increases each year until it is half the year in 4th year.

I empathise with having your 6yr old in bed with you., my youngest has gotten in to the habit of waking up in the middle of the night and coming through to my bed. That wouldn't be so bad but she insists on saying hello to me first and waiting for me to answer her! Many nights I've still been awake long after she is back to her wee baby snoring!

I was also very strict about bedtime routines!

Good evening
May I please just have a rant?
My ex is being a real git and refusing to listen to anything to do with DD or agree to contact arrangement plans for the rest of the month and the upcoming holidays....is it really unreasonable to plan 4/5weeeks in advance so I know where I stand over school holidays?? I tend to plan for the next two months as I work late a lot and need to arrange childcare or for exh to look after her; he is in the process of moving so is seeing her at my house too, which I dislike.
He has ranted and raged at me for organising his time and telling him what to do, but if I don't plan ahead, I cannot accept party invitations or book playdates etc. It has made me feel like I just have to sit around and wait patiently for him to deign to commit to look after her.
on the other hand, if I go ahead and plan stuff and we don't share plans etc he says I am making it too difficult for him to have a relationship with her. He does not have an issue, however, with his girlfriend booking a date in advance.
Is this just another way of him trying to be in control still?
Sorry for ranting, just feel on DDs behalf and also that I can still be so wound up by him.

......and breathe.....
thank you I needed that.

I totally hear you Heffalumps as my stbxh is the same.. It was always me compromising and sorting everything so that he could see her short notice but heaven forbid if I wanted to know cover for Half Term - I'm soooo unreasonable.. I am bracing myself to ask about Easter this weekend as I am sure he won't tell me, so I'll sort childcare only for him to give a shit the week before. I have no answers, I'm afraid - it's even written into my court order he has to give me 2 months notice but I still have to chase I do think it is a method of control though as he will know you will accommodate him as, like me you feel your DD should spend time with her father when they can and will change your plans to do it. I need to harden myself to that and just say no, you didn't tell me so you don't get to see them. . I can't do it yet but maybe someday!

And Meglet and Ghirly - bedtime is pretty crappy here too. DS is fine but DD, as soon as the light is out starts asking for a drink, tells me 400 stories, "but I just want to be with you".. exhausting! Again, no answers but I completely empathise! DD would also sleep with me every night if she could!

fush I've got 8yo DS in my bed tonight. He was asleep but dd went in and hit him (it's happened before) so I hauled him in with me. I can just about tolerate her not sleeping if she leaves us in peace but hitting her brother or me is too much.

anyway, the proud sahm thread is doing my head in a bit. Some of us don't have he choice either way. shall we swop with our dp's and they can stay at home or cut back on naice holidays and only have one parent working . so many of us are job hunting or trying to find childcare or juggling work and dc's (badly in my case).....

I think the full moon has coincided with my hormones.

I saw that thread and posted a sharp reply which my phone wouldn't post - perhaps just as well as it just caught me off guard but yes, be proud but so many of us have. no. choice

DD did end up with me as well last night as she wet the bed - something she seems to be getting into a habit of after spending a night with her dad hopefully once we're more settled, this too will pass but I just feel so sorry and angry on her behalf!

Best pick up DC now - it's world book day and DD went as the Worst Witch (really easy costume) and even though DS's preschool weren't doing it, he insisted on wearing his vampire cape in.. Did anyone else have that joy today?

fush I swear my phone saves me from some shocking replies at times . I've recently got a touch screen one and it's a bugger to type on (oh blackberry all is forgiven!) so I often can't be arsed to reply and give up halfway.

We had WBD last week. drives me up he wall having to sort it all out.

Stressful week here with DD having an internal maths assessment that goes towards her final grade for the year, I'm so worried about her failing maths this year. She had a shit teacher last year and now her whole class are in the shit. She needs 10 credits to pass and that paper was worth 3. Though very proud of her getting a merit in english.

Thank gawd DD is at secondary, so I don't have to deal with dressing up crap. It sounds horrendous in the UK with the amount of dressing up in primary schools.

hear when will your dd know her results? what's the nz academic year?

you lot will be so proud of me. I was just about to head into the garden to put a late load of washing on the line and the moon looked like something out of a werewolf movie, bright with clouds drifting over it. so I wimped out and have put the clothes on the airer instead . I've never been the same since I saw 'an American werewolf on London'.

it's mothers day next Sunday isn't it.

XP used to get arsey on mothers day because he had to get up.

Morning
Yep - mother's day next week. I have exchanged my Tesco clubcard vouchers for Pizza Express ones and DD and I are going out
It will be my first Mother's day alone, and I think DD will feel it more than me, she is 11 and very much into wanting to buy gifts/cards etc, and that is really not important to me.
I think it will be a hard day although on previous years, it has still seen me cooking lunch, looking after DD etc so, not all that different!
I hope everyone's having an ok weekend.

Oh yes - Mothers Day To be fair, if my small ones were bigger I think they'd do something and last year my DD drew me a picture, but I will be avoiding FB and probably MN like the plague!

I never realised until I became a LP just how many little celebrations and events happen over the course of the year to make you feel a bit pants about being on your own yet still unable to go out and party! Even those nights I get free, I don't want to drink or stay out late as my sleep is so precious and once the night is over, it's a long stretch of no relief until the next time... and things have recently improved for me yet I was still in bed by 10,30 last night!

And i had to at you not putting out your washing. I went to university where the rural part of American Werewolf in London was set and I remember vividly a visit to the Sacred Lamb pub - although am sure it was just called the Red Lion.. happy days

Hi all :) trouble with my internet, so not been here!

What's all that about the sahm thread? not more smug people?! make my blood boil.

I rarely get anything for Mothers Day. No one thinks about me and I certainly don't get breakfast in bed! I got it once when Ds was little. He brought me Weetabix :) I think he was 5 or 6.

I'm taking Mum and my kids out for afternoon tea which I booked on a whim yesterday. Cost me a fortune though and I can't really afford it, but I'm sick of being forgotten. Oh yeah! I booked it and paid for it myself didn't I? so I have been forgotten. Probably.

Hope the exam results are good Roar :) And I'm so glad that Dd's school seems to have stopped with the dressing up for WBD. It was often done when Ds was there, but Dd is in yr3 and she's never done it.

I'm hating my life right now. Feeling down.

Enjoy your Sunday afternoons ladies and your late evening Roar

solo sorry you're feeling rubbish. I'm feeling shitty too. loads of money and health worries and the dc's being generally out of control .

got a house to tidy, homework to supervise and a veggie shepherds pie to make this afternoon.

Ladies - big hugs (have never worked out why they're un-mumsnetty!).. I am sorry to hear you're so down at the moment.

I wish we were all closer - I'm sure I read up thread about some sort of meet up but also remember reading you're all quite a distance from me (south coast!).. would be so nice to do something on Mothers Day so even though we're paying etc, we could be surrounded by others who 'get it!'... Could be super tricky for you, Thunder

Here's hoping for a week with less worries and more happiness for all! and vent as much as you need - just getting it out hopefully helps x

Well, apparently I am a totally crap mother! I knew I wasn't the best, but Ds blames me for everything that's gone wrong in his life. He's been staying with my Mum for several months now as she lives 5 minutes from his school and I'm desperately trying to get my house sorted (rewired etc) and he doesn't want to come back. I find this unacceptable. Not to mention, I am currently living on CTC and CB, plus what Dd's father gives and without the little money coming in, I can't even pay the mortgage...he's depressed. Also, he wants to jack in school and A levels and try for an apprenticeship as an electrician. I have no issue with him doing this, but I'm concerned that he will regret not going into and through year 13 and on to uni. He had wanted to be a teacher, but feels he won't succeed to uni and won't be able to teach...
I have always been fully supportive of him and encouraged him, stuck up for him, tried to be a good mum to him, but it seems it's just not been enough. I've tried I really have. I love my kids with all my heart and I've given up so much for them...I could scream I'm so unhappy.

Hello - me again. Sorry I've been off this thread for a while - still getting my head round work/1st counselling session/keeping on top of everything.

Sorry to hear so many of you are having a crappy time.

Solo, would your son look to keep on this year and see if he can get a summer placement with a trician to see if it is thing? Long shot I know, but.... and I hope your mum isn't just doing the sympathetic noise thing but is sticking up for you instead. One day your son will see everything you've done for him against all the odds. I guess he's maybe struggling with college/decisions about his future he's lashing out at the one who's closest so easiest to transfer his hurt onto. Shitty though - and a genuine hug from me.

The SAHM thread I didn't even open - it's like two tribes, and unless they get dumped from their great height into our world they'll never know...just don't let them post about dh going away with work for a week and so they know what being a single parent is all about.......

Xh had a go because dd wanted to register for an event, he did it and never checked the date and it turns out we're away - what a pity, taste of his own medicine there me thinks! He's supposed to be away for a chunk of the Easter hols. He asked if I would ask dd's school to see if she could go with them (wedding of ow's friend abroad). I said no way - won't be allowed and she's not missing school for that so he played the 'I'm so sorry sweatheart, I'd have loved to have taken you abroad but your mum says.....' When I talked to dd about it her reaction was to shrug her shoulders and say 'It's ok mum, it's not the 1st time he's not taken me abroad with them'. I didn't know if to laugh or cry bless her.

We went shopping for a card and a mothers day gift for me today. I pay so I know it'll be something that will be effort more than money which I do think is nice, although I will be avoiding FB next weekend! (this being after the crappy way he behaved over Christmas if anyone can remember - didn't take her shopping so I never even got a card let alone a token gift despite him always getting something from her and then when I called him on it him saying that he refused to take all the blame.....and pointed to the door of the room that dd was on - tosser!)

Oh and parents came to my house. Dmum kept saying I'm firery like my dad (no, I'm depressed, anxious and stressed and struggling when other people who should know better behave arrogantly hence the 7 weeks off work/reduced hours and counselling) and then when I showed them both my latest cutwork of a campervan her comments was 'Why haven't you put the steering wheel in?' I replied politely (but through gritted teeth) that the way how it had been drawn it wouldn't be seen. 'Oh, well you should have put a man in, driving it' [hits head repeatedly on dining room table after removing scalpel emocon].

Pass the gin over here will you?

hi fos . That's a good idea re the summer placement thing ~ thank you!

I don't know what my Mum is doing really. She doesn't talk to me much and she didn't even tell me that he'd been to the GP to talk about his depression. He told me after I'd wheedled it out of him. Initially he told me he'd been about his back, which he had but it was his MH issues. I got all my parenting 'skills' from my Mother and she wasn't that good, so I can see that I've not been great :(. Ds does see how I've struggled and he says he appreciates what I've done for him, but he's 16...he is still a kid really isn't he? caught between the child and the adult stage. I remember that age and I hated it.

I'm sorry your ex is an arse fos but it does seem like we've all picked the crap ones (with the exception of Roar of course).
And your Mum...doesn't listen!! it must be a thing, because nor does mine.

Off to sleep. Thank you for the hug :) I needed that. Hugs to you too.
Night.x

just going to catch up.

Monday morning, yay .

cameron is on the TV spouting shire about families. except single parent obesity who he couldn't give a toss about .

shite pesky auto-text not recognising all my swear words .

I also have crappy parents - totally get the feisty comment, Fos.. now that I stuck up for myself and call them on their shit behaviour, it is my fault (not theirs for their behaviour, oh no ).. you make an excellent point though, Solo - I learnt how to parent from them so if it's 'shit', it's because that's what I was shown.. and I try really hard not to be my parents so how much shitter must it have been to be me.. I remember last time I visited (almost 18m ago), they were all about DS and we're pretty mean to DD and it just felt like history repeating itself. I have really reduced contact since then as I never want DD to feel the way I did growing up. They're coming for a visit in June thoygh - not sure how I feel about it

Everyone seems to be struggling at the moment (although even when good, it's a struggle!) so I hope the week gets easier..

Btw, after raving about how great cats are, mine has started 'shouting' at me from about 6 am for breakfast - his special diet doesn't seem to fill him up! so so tired!! How's your little moggy, Thunder? All settled in?