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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Fed up with not having anyone to share the burdens with.

960 replies

Solo · 20/08/2014 16:46

Bit of a self pitying thread really, but it's taken me a very long time and I can now say with conviction that after being on my own for so long...

I am fed up with the burden of being alone.
I am fed up with struggling on my own.
I am sometimes lonely.
I have no single parent friends or single friends at all and my 'social life' ha! what a joke is visiting my widowed Mum or visiting my Brother.
I miss my Dad terribly.
I can't get a job.
Not one 'friend' has spoken to me so far this summer holiday (except one that lives on cloud fluffyland in her mansion and that really cheers me up because shopping is her passtime!).

I could write a very long list of problems and yes, I know we all have problems, but I just don't want to do it on my own any longer, I don't want to face the problems on my own :( I could cry right now and need a real 'man hug' and I don't care who knows it!

OP posts:
meglet · 18/11/2014 23:49

I'm not either smiley. In Hampshire, but the north of it.

We've had such a hectic day, work and 2 lots of after school acitivies. I didn't eat until 9:30, now I'm off to load the dishwasher. Roll on friday.

Original poster
Solo · 20/11/2014 13:03

How are you all?

OP posts:
AnyoneForTardis · 21/11/2014 17:43

same old same old at chez Tardis .......

foslady · 21/11/2014 19:31

Can I join you?

I'm totally fed up of everything being down to me too - and Christmas doesn't happen otherwise. And the sodding John Lewis advert is winding me up - it's bad enough the usual 'your Christmas is nothing unless your 2 perfect children can burst into mummy and daddy's bedroom on Christmas morning. This year it's worthless because no one loves you.

I know - ranting and over analysing the sodding adverts!

(Sorry, I'm not usually like this - I'm knackered, look haggered and the house is a tip. And dd has gone 'ditzy' on me again....even more work for me.......aaarrrggghhh!!!)

Original poster
Solo · 22/11/2014 02:45

Oh please do foslady :) welcome!

I have never had a Christmas with children and man, so I don't know what I'm missing really...I think it'd be nice to try it though.

Ds has been looking at his fathers fb pages. I don't know why. He doesn't know why. I wish he wouldn't. Ds is envious that they are a family unit and have a nice house...can't compete with the unit... bloody facebook.

OP posts:
foslady · 22/11/2014 08:09

That must be so hard on your son - but I understand why he does it..... and it's men like that that make me want to explode - how can they be so indifferent to a child?

FWIW every Christmas I have had with a bloke has been awful to the point I struggle with Christmas. 1st xh used to go on about how he'd rather be in the garage working on his project and be happy with beans on toast and I was stupid to bother with it as he wasn't going to do anything and didn't. He did it to wind me up - but could never see that he was going too far and was hurtful. When Christmas came he had a great time but ruined all the run up. Oh and thought that he either was ok not to get me anything or if he did it had to be something everyone could say what a great guy he was for getting me that Hmm.
Xh 2 is alcohol dependent but is in denial. Every Christmas he got very drunk and nasty and made a point if ruining it (and my dsis loves to remind me of the time he snapped at Dniece 18 years ago - as if I didn't feel shit enough when it happened ), but all his family ignored the nasty comments that got snarled at me. Ruining Christmas btw wasn't just Christmas Day, but started from the eve through to about the 29th.......

So not only am I failing to provide the JL experience now, I've never had it. Never had anyone wanting he to have a magical Christmas since I turned 18. I if try so hard to make it special but I always feel I have failed, and silly cow that I am I let it get to me

Original poster
Solo · 23/11/2014 12:01

Bit more to it than that fos

Sorry your exh's are so awful too and that your sister even has the audacity to blame you for someone elses outburst. Makes me Angry.

I haven't given my kids a great Christmas for years now and I feel guilty about that. My life changed so much 6 years ago, that I kind of stopped my life and in doing so, stopped my childrens too :( but for some reason, I've started to feel different this last couple of months; I feel better I think :) and I really hope to give the kids a better time!

OP posts:
foslady · 23/11/2014 13:46

That's made me smile today Solo that you think the fog's clearing and you're ready to start going back to being you again - have you ever read the kids book by Dr Seuss Oh The Places You'll Go? I'm a soppy cow and it get's me every time but it's like a 'we understand and on your side' book to me, and had a bit about ending up waiting......

I got stuck on that room too, not fully out of it but getting there!

I really hope your Christmas IS special this year - you deserve a great one x

meglet · 25/11/2014 22:23

Evening. I'm feeling very whingy today, my IBS has puffed up and I didn't sleep well last night.

Oh, and I came across some old photos from when the dc's were tiddlers and I made myself miserable because the house and garden used to be so tidy. Life was so much easier when they had naps and earlier bedtimes. My dad used to help do my garden when he was alive, these days I'm doing everything on my own with less sleep Sad.

Original poster
Solo · 26/11/2014 00:25

It's ok, we know...we know.

Hope the IBS sorts soon.

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Lushlush · 26/11/2014 06:50

Meglet try and treat yourself to a gardener - although not really the right time of year now!

Have a look in the local paper etc.

meglet · 26/11/2014 07:13

Thanks solo and lush. I feel a little better this morning. I left the heating on all night so I slept well .

I do know a gardener I can use actually, he blizes it once or twice a year. I'll text him and see if he can do it in the next week or so. It'll give me time to get the dc's to pick up all of their clutter before he turns up Hmm.

lush did you work at lush? I used to.

Hope everyone has a good day today. Let's start positive, and if not there's always tea and biscuits.

Lushlush · 26/11/2014 07:59

No I haven't worked at lush lol.

meglet · 26/11/2014 09:20

Ah, I wondered.

I've texted the gardener to find out when he can blitz the garden. Hopefully he's free in the next couple of weeks.

Original poster
Solo · 30/11/2014 14:26

How are you all?
I am ok...flagging though as I seem to be constantly sorting out my house still. Alone. No help. Sad...

OP posts:
meglet · 30/11/2014 14:44

solo the dc's are watching despicable me, I'm trying to find the energy to get up to cook and tidy . Should make the most of it while they're not killing each other.

Bit like you really, totally fed up with my tiny, scruffy house (sitting on broken sofa), slowly going loopy not having anyone to talk to. Gardener is probably coming this week, at least that'll be sorted.

I went out for the second time this year on friday! It was weird going into town, I was home just after 10pm though. Can't handle a big night out these days Blush. Felt poisoned by one glass of wine!

meglet · 30/11/2014 17:52

...my cooking didn't turn out well. The butternut squash from the allotment tastes slightly bitter, I think I've rescued it with herbs and cheese.

Original poster
Solo · 01/12/2014 00:00

It's carp isn't it? one saving grace for me is that we have Sunday lunch at Mums and she cooks it. However, I do her shopping and today, I have gone through her finances and discovered she's been scammed to the tune of £170. She just won't listen to me!! and it makes me angry for her and for me. Now got to try to get that money back for her via the bank.

Have you tried sprinkling the squash with brown sugar before cooking it meglet? might work. I'm a little envious that you grow veg! but that's something I fully intend to do next year .

Have you asked for a better sofa on freecycle or trashnothing? might be worthwhile.

I don't go out much either. Went to a school reunion 2 weeks ago and that knackered me even though I didn't drink. I can't drink a glass of anything alcoholic without feeling tipsy really, so I don't drink much at all. At home on my own, I've got to really fancy a drop to have one.

OP posts:
meglet · 01/12/2014 10:45

oh no! Your poor mum solo! What happened?

I'm sucking it up with the sofa at the moment. We should be moving next year so I'll get a new one then. This one is 'sittable', I just won't have any guests over!

I get a lot of help with the allotment TBH. The dc's have charmed the other plot holders so they not only help me dig it over and plant it, they also donate surplus veg. I haven't had time to go in a month and last week I walked past and saw they'd finished putting the weed membrane over my plot for the winter. I must buy them a thank you gift!

meglet · 01/12/2014 10:55

correction - when I say the DC's have 'charmed the other plot holders' what I mean is that they are spirited, cute and chatty but clearly running riot and refusing to help mummy in any way whatsoever so everyone else feels sorry for me and helps out Blush.

Original poster
Solo · 01/12/2014 11:01

She bought herself a laptop last year and then this year, she apparently got a phonecall from 'Microsoft' Hmm. She thought it was Dell which is the make of laptop she has. They basically 'sorted her antivirus out' for her. It's a free one Angry and they charged her £169.99 for it. He got a suspended sentence for it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Solo · 01/12/2014 11:22

I think it's nice to have people help you without question iyswim? and cute, unhelpful :) haha! children is a bit of a bonus if that gets you the help you could do with. And veggie donations?! excellent!

OP posts:
TheFirstSolo · 07/12/2014 01:17

Very quiet here. How are you all?

WhereHas1999DissappearedToo · 07/12/2014 05:56

Hey all, I'm back from the States, hope everyone else is well?

Had a brilliant time but we had to put our lovely dog to sleep yesterday, so spirits a bit low here, now DD wants a rabbit but I know she wouldn't look after it and it would be me doing all the work. Tbh I would just just be happy with a cat.

I can't believe it's almost xmas, I still haven't got the xmas tree up yet, it didn't even go up till the 23rd last year as neither of us could be bothered to put it up then and we went away on the 24th Hmm

TheFirstSolo · 07/12/2014 14:00

Welcome back. I'm sorry about your dog though...