AIBU yes I probably am. Who is mumsnet for?

[bluebeardsbabe]

I am a lone parent to a small toddler. I found this forum very useful during my pregnancy (when exp left) for legal information, handholding etc. I mainly lurk now but still dip in from time to time...which is how I noticed how many more dads seem to be posting here now. Now although my exp was a complete vile bastard to me so much so that I still have a hard time trusting men, I fully appreciate that there is good and bad in both sexes and men also need a forum to express emotions relating to single parenting and so on. it's just I'm not sure I feel it's here.

I joined mumsnet specifically to find a nurturing informative environment by women for women, a safe haven to express my emotions. Is it wrong of me to think dads should go off and form dadsnet? I realise my judgement is probably quite clouded like I say but AIBU to think mumsnet should be for mums?

Yes I do really think that, I really do. You can't claim the site is not aimed at women, look at the home page! Men's interest magazines don't look like that.

The only man I know who felt the urge to post on here claimed he was trying to understand how women worked but his motive was actually to control/intimidate/harass his wife and take away her only means of support.

Fortunately your view isn't shared by mnhq or the founders,mn us a business,
Profitable,high profile,visible,reproduced in print and online media
If you want a by women fir women safe space you need. To go elsewhere,it's not here

I wish you'd all fuck off and leave the lone parents forum alone. After another shitty experience for Dd with her dad I want to post for support and an ear from other mums who go through this shit weekend after fucking weekend. But I can't cos the place has been infiltrated. So fuck you all with your gender bollocks.

I appreciate this post will be deleted but it feels cathartic to 'say' it out loud.

Take your wee face go peruse mn,any online forum
It range from sublime daft to v sensible
It's not gender issue,it's a what people post issue

hear hear Monet.

It's a lone parent topic,on mn board.accessible,visible,anyone can post
If you want a forum solely for female lone parents,you'll not find it on mn
You'll find a discussion topic,open to all.male and female

Infiltrated...sigh

Those of you supporting the male viewpoint on mumsnet, do your male partners read and post on here?

Theres a "male viewpoint" I wasn't invited to the briefing.

Im a male poster....somtimes get her indoors to check my spelling, does that count?

Mn is widely known,accessible,reproduced in print/online loads
Only disclose on mn what's safe,don't hope or expect it all to be women.it isn't
And yes it good to offload bout stressful day,but you can't expect that to be only mums

I simply don't see two discrete viewpoints on mn.the male, and the female
I read and respond to posts,simple as that.
i won't suck up to male or female on basis of gender

Those of you supporting the male viewpoint on mumsnet, do your male partners read and post on here?

I have no idea if you're addressing that to me (amongst other people) because I'm not sure what you consider "supporting the male viewpoint".

But no (if it is addressed to me) he doesn't, because he doesn't exist because I'm a lone parent.

And you can give up with all your "fuck off out of the lone parents section" because the majority of posters find threads through active threads and I rarely even look at what section of the site its on, just whether the thread is interesting and whether I have anything I can contribute.

Are you aware that anyone can google and come up with a MN thread and read it all without even being registered on the site? Anyone in the world or any sex, sexual persuasion, or motive. If you think that any board on this forum is a "safe place" then you are mistaken.

Not that I think its nice to bait people who might be vulnerable and I don't do it myself but you can't stop people posting on a public forum.

And I speak as a regular poster in the adoptions baord and I regularly have to remind myself that its a public forum and not just me an my cronies posting. The adoption boards from time to time do get "invaded" by some people I find rather unpleasant who have their own agenda but its generally a timely reminder that it is a public forum you can't annexe it for the people you deem suitable as long as they stick to the rules of the site.

That's a good point kew. I think I forget sometimes how public it is.

I think the best thing to do if you don't like a particular response or poster is ignore those posts. I think I will go back to taking my own advice on that again!

I just feel sorry for the people who come and post in this section in particular and get given such biased advice (in regards to ignoring abusive behaviour or bending over backwards to keep the exP happy at the detriment of the woman) and they think that it's good advice because they don't know that particular poster has their own agenda. And to say something about it usually means engaging with the user you want to ignore. But that's my own issue I think

I also think this site is very outdated in terms of the platform
It uses. I understand with a site such as this any type
Of radical change would create mass hysteria but the best forum I use (a football forum with much more traffic than even mumsnet) has a newbie section (which anyone can post on) and mains section which you can be upgraded to (which is still public to view) but you need posting privileges. I think there are definitely areas on this site that could benefit from that distinction. It also had my favourite "ignore" poster function.

Buffy I feel the same about these posters. It's like a friend I have who, when breaking with (DV/EA) ex asked 'yes but how does HE feel?' It's just. Not. Helpful.

Perhaps sometimes understanding different perspective is helpful? An echo chamber will provide comforting validation of whatever you say but is not going to be particularly empowering.

I don't doubt it's there Blueumbrella....I've seen it....and once is too much (but as others have pointed out it's also unavoidable). Personally I steer clear of certain types threads as I feel a male perspective is usually a) irrelevant b) not welcomed.

I've seen inspiring moments of support in certain sections of mumsnet for some seriously horrendous situations. My gripe is when that type of response and vigour is translated to other situations that are significantly vaguer and various shades of grey.

There are many posts (from men) which skim over abuse or threats. Some provide a list of reasons why a man may be being aggressive or threatening as if that makes it okay. Some harp on about ways which the woman should make things easier for the man which involve the man having considerable influence over the woman's life. It makes uncomfortable reading especially when it's dressed up as being for the child. Like I said earlier in the thread, it's quite guilt trippy and the last thing someone needs is more male manipulation if they've already suffered EA.