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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

If you're a lone parent, is it realistic to think you can work full time?

26 replies

Caligula · 28/06/2006 10:55

I've seen a job I'd really like to apply for, but it's full time. And immediately the difficulties spring at me: what happens when your kids are ill (someone was telling me today about how school refuse to give her DS anti-biotics so she has to go and give him the medicine at lunch time, the alternative would be not to send him to school until the course of anti-biotics is finished); how do you get homework and reading done; when on earth do you fit in ironing, housework etc., are your houses filthy (even working from home for only 16 hours, by evening I feel so exhausted that I can't physically force myself to do housework - how much worse would it be if I'd been out all day?) How do you do parent's evenings? All these things you can get round incident by incident, but after a certain amount of time, do you find it impossible to carry on? Last time I had a f/t job it was only for a short term contract and I had a childminder and au-pair, but the salary on this one won't run to both. Am I being totally unrealistic even considering full time work? Does anyone do it successfully?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Mascaraohara · 28/06/2006 10:57

I'm a lone parent and work full-time but haven't got to deal with school until September.. so no useful advice I'm afraid

Original poster

Caligula · 28/06/2006 11:00

My main worry is housework. I know that sounds sad, but keeping my house tidy is a sort of battle for me, I'm so bad at it and have had to train myself to be slightly mad and Stepford-y even to keep it under control. But when on earth would I get time if I worked full time? How do you manage?

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Earlybird · 28/06/2006 11:04

I don't work full time, so am not speaking from experience - but would it be possible to get a cleaner? I have one, and it's £15 per week well spent, IMO.

eefs · 28/06/2006 11:08

I work full-time, am a single parent and have two sones, one school going, one not. I cope by the following:
I work near the school so can drop off / pick up daily.
I always leave on time but take work home to finish when DS's are in bed so I keep up.
I have a cleaner 2 hrs a week - she does all the basic jobs which leaves me with a reasonable tidy house and weekend to spend with my sons.
I take an occassional day off when they are sick - that is a problem, but it does work out.

I think certain things are to work for you it to be possible but in the long run it is the best solution for us.

Having a cleaner, while it seems a luxury, is the best decision - before this I would spend half my weekend just catching up on floor cleaning/clothes washing/ etc etc and ignoring the childrena and worst of all, being stressed about my house all the time. It is not that expensive for the amount of time I have gained back for my family, and the lack of stress if good too.

eefs · 28/06/2006 11:09

sonscertain things have to work for it to be possible
sorry

Original poster

Caligula · 28/06/2006 11:13

How long have you been doing it Eefs?

(There is no way I would be willing to take work home btw - once I'm out of the office, I'm out, no way would I want work to encroach on my home life, that idea fills me with horror.)

OP posts:

Bugsy2 · 28/06/2006 11:25

Caligula, would an "au pair extra" - up to 40 hours per week meet your childcare requirements? I am presuming you are looking at before & after school stuff?
IF you didn't have the childminder too, you could get a cleaner once a week to do the grunt stuff: hoovering, floor washing etc.

bluejelly · 28/06/2006 11:28

Hi Caligula
I work full time. It's not so bad when you get into the swing of it.
I never ever bring work home, have a cleaner three hours a week and a great childminder.
When I get home from work I cook dinner, give dd a bath and play with her. Do half an hour's housework after she is bed, no more.

Luckily dd not ill very often but when she is I take time off work. She hasn't had antibiotics for ages actually so no advice there.

Holidays are a mixture of grandparents/holiday clubs/annual leave.
It's totally doable I promise.

expatinscotland · 28/06/2006 11:30

Millions have to do it this way in the US. They don't make it easy for ya there.

Original poster

Caligula · 28/06/2006 11:30

I've thought about an au-pair Bugsy, but I don't think the govt give you any money towards it, and the salary is 24,000 so I think I'd need tax credits to be able to afford it.

It is within walking distance, so there'd be no transport costs and the children could go to breakfast club - I'd probably only need a childminder for after school.

OP posts:

WelshBoris · 28/06/2006 11:33

I work 30 hours, and find it touch

but its worth it for the money and independance

bluejelly · 28/06/2006 11:33

Not having to commute is a big plus

Original poster

Caligula · 28/06/2006 11:44

My problem is that I already work 16 hours a week, from home. So it's a bit of a risk giving up a cushy number for something where I might be worse off. Plus I can't get accurate quotes from anyone - the only people who do both are the DWP and they won't do it for me because I'm employed. The IR are telling me something completely different from entitledto.com. Grrr.

OP posts:

bluejelly · 28/06/2006 11:46

Is it a more interesting job though

Bozza · 28/06/2006 12:10

Caligula you should check with the school about the anti-biotics. I can't really help you on the other issues because I work part time and am not single. But definitely check because they will administer them at DS's school with signed consent. Although it turns out they are only allowed to give once a day which would be OK for most things I would imagine. DS has hay fever with medicine to take 4x day. So I give him one in the morning, then he has it at school at lunchtime, then with the CM straight after school and then again at home at bathtime.

Bugsy2 · 28/06/2006 12:20

Think the financial juggling could be tricky Caligula. If you use a scheme where you will get tax credits: CM, nanny or ofsted registered afterschool clubs then you will end up paying more than you would for an aupair, but may get a percentage of it back via credits.
An aupair plus would be £80/90 per week & could do a bit of cleaning & babysitting - but would of course need housing!
Anyhow, not sure my musings are particularly helpful. Can you not use the online tax credits website to see what you would get if you used different types of childcare?

eefs · 28/06/2006 12:36

Caligula, I've been doing it since birth for both of them (well, after maternity leave) but have only been single for the past year.
I don't bring work home often but if we are busy I just refuse to stay later with the other people who are just trying to appear dedicated so will bring the work home instead. It's a lot easier to be sitting on the sofa with a cup of tea sending emails than stressing in work as I'm going to late to pick up the boys.

I am not a naturally tidy person but a messy house stresses me so having a cleaner is a great solution - I think if you are better at keeping on top of things then cleaner not such a necessity. Anyway, just think, you and the children won't be in the house all day to dirty it.

My childminder does the homework immedialy after school and I do reading and check the homework when I get home, usually when dinner is being cooked (DS1 sits up on the counter beside me and reads to me).

Is there room to progress in this new job? Will your income be greater than it is now and will it improve in time?

I think actually that working in a different place from your home would be less stressful - change of scenery and people to talk to.

Have to say, most of the time I don't find it very stressful.

littlerach · 28/06/2006 12:56

A friendof mine ios on her own with 2 small children and she works full time.
The eldest startde school in sept and has a childminder after school when she is at work. The yougest goes to the childmainder 3 tims a week, nursery once a week and his gparents another day.
She is knackered a lot if the time, more so as she does a shift rota (police), but does find it worthwhile.
Her worst time is the summer hols.

Amanda1 · 28/06/2006 13:01

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Caligula · 28/06/2006 13:51

Thanks for all your responses, lots to think about. I think I'll apply anyway and if they do offer me it, I can always turn it down if it seems too much like unnecessary nervous-breakdown territory.

OP posts:

Tinker · 28/06/2006 14:10

Not read any other posts but I worked full-time whilst a single parent from teh time my eldest was 4 months to about 6 (when I went term-time only)

Very very hard but doable (financially, had no choice). House was a tip (still is). Was always exhausted. No family nearby, had to rely on friends to babysit for parents' evenings (but don't most schools let you bring the kids anyway? They know this is a problem or that both parents would like to go anyway).

One summer I had no leave left after having taken annual leave to cover sickness (child's) throughout teh year so she had to go to a holiday playscheme - she hated every minute of it.

You're not being unrealistic but I would look to do slightly part-time if you can.

Right, will read teh rest now.

FioFio · 28/06/2006 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FioFio · 28/06/2006 14:14

This reply has been deleted

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bluejelly · 28/06/2006 15:03

Sorry to hear you had such a tough time tinker, am v lucky that my dd loved her holiday playscheme last year. Hope she does this year too

bluejelly · 28/06/2006 15:05

It does sound like it's worth applying for though, caligula. Sometimes you only work out how you feel about something by taking the plunge, or at least setting off down that route.

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