If you're a lone parent, is it realistic to think you can work full time?

[Caligula]

I've seen a job I'd really like to apply for, but it's full time. And immediately the difficulties spring at me: what happens when your kids are ill (someone was telling me today about how school refuse to give her DS anti-biotics so she has to go and give him the medicine at lunch time, the alternative would be not to send him to school until the course of anti-biotics is finished); how do you get homework and reading done; when on earth do you fit in ironing, housework etc., are your houses filthy (even working from home for only 16 hours, by evening I feel so exhausted that I can't physically force myself to do housework - how much worse would it be if I'd been out all day?) How do you do parent's evenings? All these things you can get round incident by incident, but after a certain amount of time, do you find it impossible to carry on? Last time I had a f/t job it was only for a short term contract and I had a childminder and au-pair, but the salary on this one won't run to both. Am I being totally unrealistic even considering full time work? Does anyone do it successfully?

[Rose32]

Hi -

I work fulltime, with one DD who is nearly three.

I take work home and get up at 6am to do it, or else do it over the weekend when dd is sleeping. I have an hour commute to and fro, which is the killer, I wouldn't recommend this to anyone.

I think working full-time is doable as a single parent, but I am not sure I would choose to do it - all my free time is dd's, but it never seems enough. Housework, I blitz on Saturday morning when she is with her dad, and by keeping up with the washing etc in the evenings (load the machine while she is asleep, then you only need to switch it on when you get home, empty it once she is asleep and load tumble dryer, switch it on in the morning and so on), also part of our evening routine is tidying up the toys she has been playing with and deciding which ones are coming upstairs etc. I am currently doing up our house to sell so that I can move closer to where I work. If I am honest, I don't consistently work effectively - I have periods (like now) where I feel totally burnt out and I am just treading water in the office and sneaking off to the park to see dd (the nursery take them out in the afternoon) and periods where I am literally working non-stop (except when dd is awake or I am asleep). The nature of my job means that I can take work home and organise my own workload. I do just have to accept that I will get less done than a single, child-free person, but I think this would have been the same as a married working mother - or worse, as then I had to clean up after ex-dh too.

I am constantly questioning whether this is the right life for me and dd, I guess I am waiting until we have moved house to see how much of a difference losing the commute makes. If it doesn't make any difference, I'll go part-time if I can make the sums add up, becuase life is too short!

R

[bluejelly]

It does sound like it's worth applying for though, caligula. Sometimes you only work out how you feel about something by taking the plunge, or at least setting off down that route.

[bluejelly]

Sorry to hear you had such a tough time tinker, am v lucky that my dd loved her holiday playscheme last year. Hope she does this year too

[Tinker]

Not read any other posts but I worked full-time whilst a single parent from teh time my eldest was 4 months to about 6 (when I went term-time only)

Very very hard but doable (financially, had no choice). House was a tip (still is). Was always exhausted. No family nearby, had to rely on friends to babysit for parents' evenings (but don't most schools let you bring the kids anyway? They know this is a problem or that both parents would like to go anyway).

One summer I had no leave left after having taken annual leave to cover sickness (child's) throughout teh year so she had to go to a holiday playscheme - she hated every minute of it.

You're not being unrealistic but I would look to do slightly part-time if you can.

Right, will read teh rest now.

[Caligula]

Thanks for all your responses, lots to think about. I think I'll apply anyway and if they do offer me it, I can always turn it down if it seems too much like unnecessary nervous-breakdown territory.

[Amanda1]

Message withdrawn

[littlerach]

A friendof mine ios on her own with 2 small children and she works full time.
The eldest startde school in sept and has a childminder after school when she is at work. The yougest goes to the childmainder 3 tims a week, nursery once a week and his gparents another day.
She is knackered a lot if the time, more so as she does a shift rota (police), but does find it worthwhile.
Her worst time is the summer hols.

[eefs]

Caligula, I've been doing it since birth for both of them (well, after maternity leave) but have only been single for the past year.
I don't bring work home often but if we are busy I just refuse to stay later with the other people who are just trying to appear dedicated so will bring the work home instead. It's a lot easier to be sitting on the sofa with a cup of tea sending emails than stressing in work as I'm going to late to pick up the boys.



I am not a naturally tidy person but a messy house stresses me so having a cleaner is a great solution - I think if you are better at keeping on top of things then cleaner not such a necessity. Anyway, just think, you and the children won't be in the house all day to dirty it.

My childminder does the homework immedialy after school and I do reading and check the homework when I get home, usually when dinner is being cooked (DS1 sits up on the counter beside me and reads to me).

Is there room to progress in this new job? Will your income be greater than it is now and will it improve in time?

I think actually that working in a different place from your home would be less stressful - change of scenery and people to talk to.

Have to say, most of the time I don't find it very stressful.

[Bugsy2]

Think the financial juggling could be tricky Caligula. If you use a scheme where you will get tax credits: CM, nanny or ofsted registered afterschool clubs then you will end up paying more than you would for an aupair, but may get a percentage of it back via credits.
An aupair plus would be £80/90 per week & could do a bit of cleaning & babysitting - but would of course need housing!
Anyhow, not sure my musings are particularly helpful. Can you not use the online tax credits website to see what you would get if you used different types of childcare?

[Bozza]

Caligula you should check with the school about the anti-biotics. I can't really help you on the other issues because I work part time and am not single. But definitely check because they will administer them at DS's school with signed consent. Although it turns out they are only allowed to give once a day which would be OK for most things I would imagine. DS has hay fever with medicine to take 4x day. So I give him one in the morning, then he has it at school at lunchtime, then with the CM straight after school and then again at home at bathtime.

[bluejelly]

Is it a more interesting job though

[Caligula]

My problem is that I already work 16 hours a week, from home. So it's a bit of a risk giving up a cushy number for something where I might be worse off. Plus I can't get accurate quotes from anyone - the only people who do both are the DWP and they won't do it for me because I'm employed. The IR are telling me something completely different from entitledto.com. Grrr.

[bluejelly]

Not having to commute is a big plus

[WelshBoris]

I work 30 hours, and find it touch

but its worth it for the money and independance

[Caligula]

I've thought about an au-pair Bugsy, but I don't think the govt give you any money towards it, and the salary is 24,000 so I think I'd need tax credits to be able to afford it.

It is within walking distance, so there'd be no transport costs and the children could go to breakfast club - I'd probably only need a childminder for after school.

[expatinscotland]

Millions have to do it this way in the US. They don't make it easy for ya there.

[bluejelly]

Hi Caligula
I work full time. It's not so bad when you get into the swing of it.
I never ever bring work home, have a cleaner three hours a week and a great childminder.
When I get home from work I cook dinner, give dd a bath and play with her. Do half an hour's housework after she is bed, no more.

Luckily dd not ill very often but when she is I take time off work. She hasn't had antibiotics for ages actually so no advice there.

Holidays are a mixture of grandparents/holiday clubs/annual leave.
It's totally doable I promise.

[Bugsy2]

Caligula, would an "au pair extra" - up to 40 hours per week meet your childcare requirements? I am presuming you are looking at before & after school stuff?
IF you didn't have the childminder too, you could get a cleaner once a week to do the grunt stuff: hoovering, floor washing etc.

[Caligula]

How long have you been doing it Eefs?

(There is no way I would be willing to take work home btw - once I'm out of the office, I'm out, no way would I want work to encroach on my home life, that idea fills me with horror.)

[eefs]

sonscertain things have to work for it to be possible
sorry

[eefs]

I work full-time, am a single parent and have two sones, one school going, one not. I cope by the following:
I work near the school so can drop off / pick up daily.
I always leave on time but take work home to finish when DS's are in bed so I keep up.
I have a cleaner 2 hrs a week - she does all the basic jobs which leaves me with a reasonable tidy house and weekend to spend with my sons.
I take an occassional day off when they are sick - that is a problem, but it does work out.

I think certain things are to work for you it to be possible but in the long run it is the best solution for us.

Having a cleaner, while it seems a luxury, is the best decision - before this I would spend half my weekend just catching up on floor cleaning/clothes washing/ etc etc and ignoring the childrena and worst of all, being stressed about my house all the time. It is not that expensive for the amount of time I have gained back for my family, and the lack of stress if good too.

[Earlybird]

I don't work full time, so am not speaking from experience - but would it be possible to get a cleaner? I have one, and it's £15 per week well spent, IMO.

[Caligula]

My main worry is housework. I know that sounds sad, but keeping my house tidy is a sort of battle for me, I'm so bad at it and have had to train myself to be slightly mad and Stepford-y even to keep it under control. But when on earth would I get time if I worked full time? How do you manage?