Facing pregnancy alone?

[thedogsrolex]

There seem to be quite a few threads lately posted by women facing pregnancy alone for whatever reason. I was thinking maybe it would be a good idea to have one ongoing thread for support and advice...what do you think? I know it would have helped me way back when I had dd? (apologies if there is already one, I haven't come across it).

Hey,

Firstly welcome aboard!
My situation isn't dissimilar to yours, we tried for a baby for a year and at 17 weeks he left, apparently not for another woman but I'll never really know the truth.

I felt like you did wondering if I was doing the right thing and how I would cope alone etc. but when I really thought about an abortion I totally freaked myself out and realised that I still really wanted the baby even if he didn't.

I'm not trying to influence you either way but what I'm saying is I think if you look down both paths one will seem right for you but neither are going to be easy.

We are all here for you on MN and sending huge hugs your way.

Try not to be bought in by his threats and manipulation - men change like the wind and it's best to take everything they say with a pinch of salt xx

Your emotions are vulnerable to manipulation at the moment due to the pregnancy hormones. I think at some point all of us were made to feel like the bad guys by our exes who were trying to relieve themselves of their own guilt and responsibility. Try to ignore it.

In regards baby, all of us here are going it alone with varying degrees of financial and emotional support, so don't feel alone or incapable of going through with this if that's what you decide.

I found it really helpful to put my logical hat on for a bit and research all available options like benefits, housing options, my available support network etc, and it made me see I could do it if I wanted, and allowed me the mental space to make my decision (an informed decision) without the worry of how I would do it. I just had to decide if I wanted to do it, as I knew the resources were there x

Wow! Im sorry its come out like this you must be on shock and feel even worse as you dont have his support.

Being called a goldigga by him is just stupid, was with him for years. Its going to be tough but you have to be strong and bite your tongue.

If i was you id take the 250,000 and move. Never contact him again and KEEP the baby. But i dont think you want that.

He wants to move to the states with this women and has thought about it and looked into it behind your back so i guess, all trust is lost?

At 8w you baby has a heartbeat now, and is growing really quick. Some midwifes are bitches. Id ring your doctor and talk to him!

Hope everyone is doing good today!

Thanks guys, you all seem so strong, it amazes me. I guess I'm just finding it all so unbelievable at the moment, it's impossible for me to get my head around anything, making decisions just seem impossible.
He assured me he loved me and would never leave me right up until I confronted him (when he was away at a 'conference' with her). He's spent 5 days with her, hasn't slept with her (actually the truth), she lives in NY and has conducted this whole affair over internet/ facebook and he tells me he's in love with her and thats why he doesn't want to be with me anymore???!!! Just found out he's at his brothers on other side of states cause she told him she needed to get her head round me being pregnant but he's still desperately trying to win her over, I mean WTF???? I really do want this child, i want to be a mother, just never imagined it would be like this.
Preggo, I just really worry bout the financial side of things, since I don't have a job I can't get maternity allowance and I worry how hard i'm finding it to get a job, would love to retrain but already have a degree so would have to pay tuition, so need a job to save up, also worried if he's out the country wont be able to get child support from him. Have plenty emotional support, that wont be a problem.
Xmas, all trust is definitely lost, after what he's said and the way he's behaved I wouldn't have him back if he begged on his knees, she's welcome to him, I deserve better. Could take the £250000 and take off but that isn't me.

Thanks for listening to me while I vent ladies, it means a lot x

Hello everyone, sazmic so sorry to hear about your situation. My H also wanted me to have an abortion and for a while I seriously considered it (even had one booked in for last week). But as the date neared I just couldn't do it. And today I had my first 'proper' scan where I saw it on a screen and it was waving it's arms and legs and I thought 'How could I have got rid of you?'. That doesn't mean to say there's a right answer of course, but you do have to do what is right for YOU and for your baby.
Seriously, what is wrong with these men?!!

Well well well! Shes found out your pregnant and i bet she dont like that

Im not surpised he trys worm his way back into your life, if this women rejects him.

She must be really stupid, as she thinks he would not do it to him. They deserve each other!

I would take the £ but im not a gold digga either but i can see your point, but if he goes to the states, i assume your in the UK? Money be a lot different to get out of him which i would do fully.

Id leave him to his ways and think your the one the got away! I wad a wreck when me and ex spilt but it takes time, Im so much stronger.

Men dont think(i even wonder if they have a brain or its just varnished wood shaped as a brain)

They think its all yeah i dont care when your pregnant because the baby isnt here, when the child is born is 'real' as you can touch/look/hold. By the time thats happened we have got over the fact and they will have to deal with it there and then.

hi everyone- these men are so self-absorbed that they think everything you think and do is about them..including getting pregnant is all about spiting and hurting them. Complete dicks.

After getting a rant email from manchild as per my previous post- I replied to every point he made that was bullwhiff and manipulated to allow him to believe his own actions were justifiable in fleeing the situation (oh dear god, lock me up for crimes of pregnancy now!!!)...

24 hours later- i got another email- the complete opposite in every way- addressing me in the playful nickname he gave me...and saying absolutely he will support financially either through solicitor or csa, whatever I choose and here are his addresses for contact (incl his mum's if and when he goes). Seriously - he didn't warn me there maybe schizophrenia in his family genetics!!!

I think I might send him a little present when he goes abroad (if he does, dreamer manchild!!!) A Lonely planet book' from me and his child with a little message- enjoy yourself-try not to think of us too much- it might ruin your ride' hehehehehe. and maybe some condoms ;)

Sazmic - sorry to hear your story. Only you can decide whether to go ahead or not..... But if you do....

You need to go to your local job centre to see if you can get jobseekers allowance. Also find your nearest Sure Start Children's Centre, they will have pregnancy groups, antenatal classes, financial advice and counselling.

You may qualify for the Sure Start Maternity Grant either before or after the birth, then tax credits, child benefit etc.

Ugh, back at work today and the sperm donor is sauntering around like he owns the place as usual.

Its all i can do to not spit in his face!

Wow, can't believe how this thread is taking off :) Sazmic...the only advice I can offer you is that I was in the same situation, was called selfish, that he wasn't going to give me any support, money etc etc and that I was ruining his life. We had known each other for 3 years and dated for 1 of these and this was the thanks I got. All I can say is with 2 weeks to go I don't regret it one bit. Oh yes, I have cried many tears and felt like absolute crap during my pregnancy and yes, he has gone off with another woman BUT I can't wait to see my little girl in a few weeks (or any day now). Time does heal, it does get easier. I never thought I would say this a few months ago when I was a wreck and just waiting for him to come knocking on my door and ask forgiveness. It is their loss. I have a job but am not massively wealthy but it will be OK, I know I can take care of her and provide for her and my friends have been amazing as have my mum and sister (my father passed away last year but he would have probably had some choice words for said man if he had been alive, lol). Do what you feel is right in your heart but if you do decide to keep it know that you can do it and it does get easier and there is a point when you realise what a completele loser the man is and that you are much better off without them, I have several friends who are single mums where the father has never even seen the child and the kids are really lovely, healthy and well balanced. It will be OK. Hugs. xxx

So many new posters..makes me sad but great to see people are finding this thread for support...I have been laying low for a while but reading everything!!

Preggofabolous...welcome to my world :) I too worked with my ex and he too quickly found another through work when I became pregnant. His treatment of me was horrific. I tried to battle through as I liked my job and was proud of my work but he pretty much ruined that. I managed to get to go on sick leave for the last 3 months of my pregnancy. Please do not battle on at work if you can find another alternative, I felt 100% better when I did not have to see his smug face at work everyday and it allowed me to make plans to protect me and my daughter. Instead of coming home from work everyday feeling like shit I spoke to family, friends, talked to solicitors, sorted out a birthing partner (my mum) etc etc. I was able to start taking some action.

I really hope you have the option to leave work, you do not need that when pregnant.

Hugs xxx

Hi angelelle - im planning to go on maternity at the beginning of December, and i still have 2 weeks of holiday to take, so thankfully i only have 8 more weeks of the prat left!

Taking the full year maternity, with no intention of coming back here either. Luckily i was looking for another job before I found out about baby, as I would be majorly pi**sed if I had to leave because of him. As it is, he's simply given me more reason to go :)

in the mean time, i get through each day hoping im making him (and her) as uncomfortable as possible.

In terms of protection, I've changed all forms of communication and address, so he cant contact me or find me easily, but do you have any other tips? It would be appreciated as the thought of that man anywhere near my son turns my stomach.

Preggo- you make laugh. Sauntering around, LOL.

I think you have done enough to keep him WELL away for the time being.

If he nos where you live then the last thing is move and tell no-one expect people you trust. As he wont be able to phone/write you a letter/come to the door.

I sound so evil when i say stuff like this lol, but i have thought about it loads and it has ruined my pregnancy and still will because he 'might' want to see his child who he called awful and horrid names.

Much worse when your pregnant as you know whats to come, but hes got a hard battle already due to you not going for CSA, you can refuse that and he will have to take you to court.

Although i say oh id never let him see it, IF it came to it, i would say you can see him whilst i am there.

Also say you breastfeed(even if you dont) wont be able to leave the baby for more than 3 hours or less without you.

good lord I wouldn't leave him on his own with the baby! I wouldn't leave him on his own with my cat!

He's the type who would get his mum round to do everything because he wouldn't know the first thing, lol

I am thinking the same thing, but at least i WILL be in control not him. He would have to go the childrens centre and be left alone with MY son. If he takes me to court etc..

I am hoping hes saving his £ up for this!

Oh no, we break up with these men and think why did we even go near them or even sleep with them

Hi Preggo. I dont have to worry as he refuses to communicate with me!! But I did think of opening one hotmail account where we can discuss anything regarding practicalities when it comes to that. In this way I dont have to get a stomach ache everytime I open my gmail/fb etc. I have changed countries which pretty much protects me. My solicitor told me that in the beginning he has to tow my line to see her and she recommended there being a third party and that we meet in say a cafe. If he does want to see her do as much as you can to protect yourself from more hurt whilst following the law and doing the best for DC. I dont expect him to want to see her any time soon so not really worrying about it and as I have not asked him for anything and he doesnt care how we/she are doing I never hear from him. I will let him know when she is born but after that is up to him. Wont chase him. Most solicitors do a free half hour consultation if you worry about anything. Also, think about life insurance, wills etc. As you are not married, should something happen to you he does not automatically get custody of her. I have been very specific about guardianship in my will. If you want to know anything more just PM me. Like I say, have had this since months 3 so I pretty much have been there done that when it comes to emotional upheaval as well as looking at all the legalities :)

I sit here thinking should i write a will? I have 0.62p in the bank. The most thing of vaule is my phone and my chanel scarf? lol.

Feeling pissed off, been brewing for a few days. These old ladies about 60 expect ME to stand on the bus, one day(sometime soon) i will lose my temper.

It angers be beyond now, they say we dont repect them etc.

I wait for the bus 10 mins they come and EXPECT to go on before me even though i have waited. There also moaning about women with prams.

Isnt it first come first served? When i have my DS he will go on the bus as i dont drive, if a wheelchair bound person comes on they expect me to move my NEWBORN baby and hold him? I DONT THINK SO. Im thinking about it now and im getting angry.

I dont want to sound rude but they are very snotty/oh move, the old(not all)

I see it as i would rather let at 62 year old stand than me being 7 months pregnant and standing what if the bus got in a accident and my baby was hurt?

My rants over im going to get chocolate.

Also i am pissed off about something else!!

Started to talk to ex(not the babys father)he broke up with his girlfriend, everything was fine we started talking he wanted to meet which i agreed then let me down due to him going out the night before.

He rung me whilst drunk saying oh i wished we worked out etc and if things was different we would be together etc.

Then texts me saying i cant talk to you anymore? i asked why, he said i cant, i'm sorry.

Didnt talk to him then changed my facebook picture then he likes it?

What the fjfishfnrivh??!!!

LOL

Xmas bad day? Lol

All men are twats, just remember that.

and Im drunk, so Im biased lol