Facing pregnancy alone?

[thedogsrolex]

There seem to be quite a few threads lately posted by women facing pregnancy alone for whatever reason. I was thinking maybe it would be a good idea to have one ongoing thread for support and advice...what do you think? I know it would have helped me way back when I had dd? (apologies if there is already one, I haven't come across it).

I dont refuse as its half his, he has far more money than me. I am single, 19 no job i had to quit. My mum and dad have bought quite a lot.

I dont know if the dog ate it, but i would not put past him to say something like that.

It angers me because there a new picture of him, Wearing a £200+ plus shirt on his back in a hotel, DRINKING.

Not the fact hes out, fact hes spending money on that instead of flesh and blood. Wanker.

I guesd he wont be doing that when i ring CSA on his arse then he pays £252 for a DNA then ask to see his son. Ill laugh in his face

He also think hes good looking but not being up my own arse, from his ex to me is like jeremy kyle exile to heidi klum.

I guess I feel that way because in my mind he would be trying to buy my son to make himself feel better, and to pretend he was doing the right thing. And I refuse to allow him to relieve himself of any guilt, or use my son to improve his own reputation.

However, if I was in your situation, Xmas I'd drain him of every damn penny I could and feel delirious about it :)

Preggo your so strong minded!! When are you due?

Hahah i am laughing,these are the last few words we spoke together via facebook mail.

I said do a dna, he said i was going to anyway, i said your a fool and he said ill agree on that. Still cracks me laughing i re read it sometimes.

He said ill pay £100 into a bank account each month until DS is born(i dont think he nos im having a boy, not im aware of).

He nos fully well what hes doing. I cant claim it because id have to declare it to job seekers and my money would get a lot less, other wise he could say i payed her £100 a month AND she was on that. Hes a sly bastard.

He thinks £100 a month, on CSA im looking at that a week.

£400 a month looks like hes staying at nannys for a while!

Lol, I can almost hear him weeping...
Another reason I'd refuse anything is because I've read that if they pay, should they later want involvement and take you to court, it goes in their favour. Also, if I claim CSA or anything, he prob would demand a DNA test, (and while I know the baby is his) I figure I could use that in the future to drag out any possible future proceedings and use the fact that proving he's daddy will then incur him a very large backdated bill from the CSA to put him off.

I should stress that while I sound rather calculating, if said donor had a complete personality transplant I'd be cooperative. I've just had far too much bitter experience of children growing up with semi-interested fathers, and I've seen the damage it causes.

I'm due January, and can't wait!

Lol, I just reported him to HR and had them deal with it. Not quite as satisfying, but being slightly stubborn I refuse to justify any of my actions just because he's daring me too, if u see what I mean.

He tried to make out I'd hired my new assistant because I was sleeping with him, so dragging my professionalism right down, hence the hr involvement.

He meanwhile has slept with half the office. Bloody hypocrite.

I agree preggo, i have thought this too but im stuck do i take his money or leave him be gloating at me?

I want to move away, so then at least he wouldnt be able to find me.

I hope he dont ask for DNA through the CSA, because if he does want access which he will have to take me to court, ill say i shagged another man and in his face.

I doubt he would get much contact after his mums antics, threatend to stab the child out my womb, she hears voices etc and came up to me and said your a fucking cunt to my son, shes the size off pro klump, im quite skinny

He will never see his son, over my dead body. I mean that too.

Going to the police station tomorrow to report it finally had the guts too, policemen came around tonight to update on car crash my mum and dad was in and i asked him. He said go down and report it.

I hope him or her say something to me.

I have gave him choices about contact but refused.

A big worry on the whole pregnancy really, it scares me he could see him after calling his OWN son a bastard, abort it etc. Which i do have on messages and even saying he wanted no contact.

Hes a mummy boy too, shame his mum wont see her granchild. Boohoo!

It says too, that if he refuses DNA they assume its his.

If he said the childs his on the csa form, he would have to take me to court to get a DNA then another to see DS by the time its sorted DS would be at least 1yo and be settled.

I would say it would effect his life, cause stress and would cry after me.

Do the CSA backdate from when the childs born or you make the claim?

Blimey, that all sounds rather intense for you.

I don't think its a bad thing for u to take his money, in your personal situation it sounds like the right thing. And there seems more than enough evidence to prevent contact if you need to.

For me, I can't take any chances as donor doesn't make threats, or be abusive in anyway. He's just selfish, useless, and plays mind games, which is a lot harder to prove in court.

From the day child is born :)

I'm beginning to worry I've been put off men for life....

He wont see his son, when hes born i cant even put it on facebook for family to see because i dont want him to have a photo of him.

Its made me a recluse what she said, i never go out alone, always with my mum/dad hardly any friends so i come on here to talk or clean my bedroom or do bits and bobs.

I have told MW, she said its the worst thing shes ever heard. He turned really nasty on me, he was my first love. But i hate him, only thing i love about him hes gave me a DS apart from that hes fuck all to me!!

Really? I never knew that, i do want money off him for DS sake not mine. Its hard because i have a feeling deep down he will go after me for access, i want csa then i want to move as they cant give my location away/address.

But if he contact a lawyer could they find me and ask for access?

I have not, i did love him once but hes not the 'man' he made out to be..

Are you having a girl or boy?

Im 26w and plucking up the nerves to go a young mums just see what group they will put me in and i cant sleep.

I guess it will help in the long run and MW told me they will take everything into account when going court.

Luckily the law is in our favour. He can use a court to serve you papers, but neither the courts or CSA should ever give out your details.

Also, even if he's pays via CSA, he still has no parental rights unless you're married, or he is present at the birth registration and puts his name on the birth certificate.

Without that he only gets rights and or access if u say so, or a judge says so. He still has to prove parental fitness.

And I'm having a boy x

Im moving it looks like! Even if the same town just another house. My mum and dad said they would move for me.

He wont be at either, i do feel sorry for him. Hes not here to feel kicks, buy clothes, shoes even more important birth of his son.

His loss, when we lay eyes on our babies. I will forget every tear he made me drop.

I would love to no how he thinks, hes one of those who hides emotions.

He dont care, but has a scan photo in his wallet, bought him some stuff(£130) and wanted to be there. Now its all changed

He must feel awful, if he nos hes having a son thats come through word of mouth and same again when his son is born. He dont care otherwise he would try and talk.

He says hes pissed off because my friend put on facebook needs strong bones to hit sperm doner with. I deleted it but i mean.

I last cried 21w i am so much stronger now and i can do anyone can!

Mine has never even asked how the baby is, let alone seen a scan picture! All he cares about is himself.

Sometimes I wonder what he's thinking, as I catch him sneaking a look at my bump, but then I think if he cares at all, he's either too stubborn to say so, or he really just doesn't give a damn. Either option just makes me think even less of him.

Sounds like u have great parents on the plus side!

I believe the longer they stay away the harder it gets for them to approach us. My dad was absent from when I was six, until I was eighteen and went and knocked on his door and asked where he'd been. He says it just got to the point where coming back was impossible and he had to then wait for me to find him.

I think it has affected me, because when he left I knew what I was missing, whereas if he'd never have been there I could have been protected from the horrible truth until I was old enough to properly understand. Instead I felt let down, abandoned, and not good enough.

I also know others close to me who children's fathers have been in and out all their lives, and some of those kids are already in therapy to help them cope with their feelings about it etc. They're constantly made to feel not important by their dads and I refuse to do that to my son.

For me, its either full commited involvement, or none at all until he's old enough to deal with it.

Step dads are great tho. I think its important children have good role models (of any relation) rather than bad ones who just happen to be blood related.

I've already spoken to my male friends and relatives about this, as my immediate family is all female lol. They're all rather excited about helping shape my boy into a decent man and not a loser.

Hi all

Sorry to interrupt the man rant. This is a hospital rant!

I lost a cup of fluid yesterday watery etc with some red tinge to it. Called hospital - an hour away because local one won't take me because I'm high risk. Said to come in but not to rush unless contractions started. Contractions started at 7pm so we rushed. Had speculum and first woman said waters looked like they'd gone but not 100% but cervix closed. On gas and air for contractions. Woman felt tummy said definitely palpable tightenings. Left me and gave me paracetamol and codeine - did nothing. Cannot give me anything else as allergic to opiots. Did another speculum after more fluid loss - said waters haven't gone and cervix still closed. Think pains are braxton hicks or where I'm just getting bigger told me I could stay on ward or go home. Pleaded for more pain relief or to stay on gas and air - refused.

Ex-p tried to explain I am not exaggerating!! I worked for 2 days before going to hospital to discover I'd fractured ribs, I have partial renal failure, I never take pain killers unless absolutely necessary. This is serious pain - no its not a bloody water infection or stretching pain!!!

Went home having contractions, hooked up to Tennes machine and hot water bottle and taking paracetamol and codeine - here we are now STILL having them and hospital say - nothing they can do!!! It's a joke!

I haven't slept all night! They are every 10 minutes! I know that baby is fine but I am not! Do I just sit here or go back to the hospital an hour away and stamp my feet until they do something?! - even though I tried that last night and they didn't!!

I'm so sick and tired and fed up!

HELP! Hey guys, I'm new to here, really at the end of my tether, didn't know where else to go/turn. I need some wisdom/advice.
I'm 27, 8 weeks pregnant and my 37yr old partner of 4 years has just left me totally out the blue for another woman....in the States. He left on Friday, told me he doesn't know when he'll be back and that he's applying for a business visa so he can stay out there.
Its been a total shock, as far as I was aware, we were great, we were planning for this child, planning to move to the States together, only indication I had was that he was a bit distant three days prior to me finding out he was cheating. I feel like such a mug.
He's made it clear that he doesn't want this child and has tried everything from emotional blackmail to offering me £250 000 to have a termination!! He's said he will financially support this child but that he never wants to see me again. That I'm only having this child out of spite to try and trap him/control him and that he's never coming back and I'm selfish to bring a baby into this world without a father. I don't know what I've done wrong, he hates me and is saying horrible things and I don't deserve it. Why do I feel like the bad person?
Anyway, we have been living together for the past three years, luckily I kept my flat during this time so i have somewhere to go but I don't have a job. I've been a house girlfriend, traveling around with him for the past three years (he's really well off) so now I have no income, not even my own savings I had at the start of the relationship and I'm finding it impossible to find a job. I asked him for help until I got back on my feet and he accused me of being a gold digger.
Again I feel like a total mug.
Is he right? Would I be the most selfish person ever bringing this child into the world in my financial situation? My mum, bless her, has been trying her best to help me but is terrified to say anything in case she influences my decision, I haven't even been able to bring myself to tell my dad yet, I'm so ashamed of whats happened. My friends haven't said it but I can tell they think I would be crazy to have this child.
I can't stop shaking, I'm just numb, I tried to talk to my midwife but she didn't say much, just gave me her card and said i could call and get an abortion booked whenever but that the sooner the better!!!!! That was it.
I have been wanting/planning this baby for 8 months, now that I'm pregnant I feel the world is against me and my world is falling apart. I really don't know what to do