Facing pregnancy alone?

[thedogsrolex]

There seem to be quite a few threads lately posted by women facing pregnancy alone for whatever reason. I was thinking maybe it would be a good idea to have one ongoing thread for support and advice...what do you think? I know it would have helped me way back when I had dd? (apologies if there is already one, I haven't come across it).

I didn't do the lansinoh cream, I just used lanolin after every feed, and flannelled it off before the next - although it's harmless.

Pickles - keep an eye on the post over the next few days. xx

Awww thank you
Luckily they aren't so bad today. I look like I've had a bloomin boob job

Hello all,

Poor pickles with the boobs and poor Lou, that's shocking!!

After blowing cold, ex-p is now back on blowing hot. He's done the baby washing, ordered car seat adaptors and crib mattress, booked to view a house for me and baby on sat, coming to sort baby things tomorrow and taking the dog to the vet for me on thurs. I'm not getting used to any of it as I have no doubt it will all change again. But there is obviously a naive part of me that wonders has the penny dropped that we're having a baby?! Will he man up?! And the man who lectured me about wanting no contact? The very same who is now emailing and texting daily??
I guess I should just appreciate it whilst it lasts.

Also I had a reaction to gaviscon last night - what else can I take for heartburn?!

Also am I wrong to be asking if he'll stay a few nights to help when she's first home from hospital?? xxx

Another recommendation for you sore-boobed ones.

Get a nice new flannel. Sterilize it by boiling it.

Get a sinkful of very hot water, now add a few drops of either lavender oil or tea tree oil. Bung the flannel in there, wring it out and apply to sore boobs.

Do three or four times.

Have a good wipe over the nipple area with a muslin cloth/another clean flannel in just hot water to remove any trace of oils. Dry. Apply any cream.
Make sure you have a comfy supportive sleep bra.

Flumpy -sounds like he's blowing hot and cold at random. I think you need to call him on it - he either wants in or he doesn't and it's not fair on you for him to be mucking you around.
I believe you can take zantac but check with NHS direct/your midwife/GP.
If you're taking the liquid gaviscon it might be worth checking if you can take the tablets instead. I got the extra strength ones on prescription.
Alternatively, try eating a dry cracker or two when you feel heartburn coming on, and drinking peppermint or ginger tea (although I would only have one cup of each per day). Also, try not drinking liquids when you have a meal - drink between meals - at least half an hour away from food times.

And now stop with the big boobs talk - I am feeling very inadequate. I shall have to find some socks to stuff up my jumper .

Notgeoff - thanks for the advice

I need to call him on it but to be fair at the moment I am just sort of relishing the stress free life of not arguing with him on a weekly basis. Am I just sweeping the problem under the carpet?!

Washing new baby clothes is amazing therapy!! Who knew? It's totally cheered me up and my clothing aired has never looked so cute
6 loads of newborn clothes isn't excessive right?!

One thing that made me sad was the baby journal where it says daddys feelings about waiting for you -

I'm just living with the heartburn now but bedtime is the worst!!

How's everyone else? xx

A man helping? Wow. It might be sinking in, he wants in then out. Id see what he does, and take help off him!
I hate the i love my daddy, im thinking daddy dont love you .

Im in a foul mood today, have been since there was no nutella left(stupid i know)

Really sad, about everything. Keep on thinking about me and ex where we use to live and what we use to do together.

Hopefully the mood will change tomorrow, picking up DS handmade blanket my mum bought him, i am very excited to see it.
Dark navy blue ribbon and its a thick and lovely. It looks what a traveller would have!

Flumpy - accept the help as long as you don't read anything else into it. It sounds like he is stepping up to the mark and being considerate because you need to take it easy, but just see it for what it is.

I bought DD a lovely pink fleece blanket on eBay with Eeyore and her name and date of birth embroidered on it.

Regarding indigestion I find that a couple of Wrigleys Extra chewing gum,the blue one, always helps me with indigestion.

Thanks everyone. I really hope you're all right and that this is him stepping up, it's about time!! It's just horrible to have no faith or trust left and be constantly on edge waiting for him to threaten or manipulate me again. Bloody men hey!!

At least now if he cuts contact or stops helping my world won't come crashing down as I've done it before and the only way is up right?!

I hope you're all well xxx

I can't pretend that hasn't crossed my mind and I can't pretend I'm prepared for it either but I do believe (naively) that if I can come through him walking out and taking DSS who I loved like my own and struggling with a high risk pregnancy alone then I could come through him deserting us again. I don't think you ever fully let your guard down after the first time.

I constantly wonder what the next evil thing he's going to do will be. Which sounds really harsh when he's helping but I do believe we are talking about a man who quite possibly doesn't know his own mind. Tbh he's very emotional and it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if seeing DD was too much for him, he'd just walk away and throw more money at us to ease his guilt. That's his way.

I wait with baited breath to see how we get on tomorrow sorting things for DD when he finishes work. xx

Morning everyone,

This sore boob chat is striking a cord! I'm only 13 weeks, but my breasts feel like they've been beaten up. That's the only way I can describe it. They are so tender!! I've ordered some scaffolding type bras on the internet, hope they can help when they arrive.

The conversations about potential Dad contact are interesting. At the moment my STBXH has disappeared (more like burying his head in the sand). He has never referred to my pregnancy, other than calling it 'inconvenient' in a text when I first told him. I have no idea if he'll want access, suspect very strongly not. In one way this really saddens me, but in another I know it might be easier that way in the long term. All this and we were supposedly trying for a baby for 3 years.

Sorry to start the morning off on a bad note. Hope you're all ok and have a good day.

Hi Lou,

My situation is nothing like yours and all I can do is send you massive hugs!

We too tried for this baby, it took us a year and although we weren't married we had lived together for 3 years and his son lived with us who I spent more time with than bth his real parents put together. He took him when he left and I've not seen or spoken to him since, we were close and it absolutely breaks my heart.

All I thought about for 2 months was whether he'd be involved, whether he'd ever call again, if he'd support us etc. then it's just like something clicks, you realise all that matters is the baby and that you'll cope because you'll have to whether he's around or not. The minute I stopped wondering and worrying he started to man up - oh the irony! But now I'm not too fussed either way, I'll take what I need but I'll never rely on him again, I don't think I'll ever rely on any man again.

As for boobs this is definitely tmi but mine look like a map! The veins are huge! And I only have small boobs, they're not too painful although I did have sore nipples early on in pregnancy. I might go and get measured for some maternity bras today, it's well overdue as up until now I've either gone without or crammed into my pre pregnancy bras - bad I know!

I think keeping busy is the only way for any of us to keep our minds off of the horrible situations we find ourselves in.
But we will all be strong mummy's together!! xxx

lou The worse is yet still to come I wear bikini tops ones with drawstrings, i have not worn a bra since 13w id say.

Much nicer and feels so weightless!

I wish men would stop using words as 'inconvenient' its cruel. If my ex ever pissed me off again, i would not hold back and my tongue would become sharper than his.

Its normal on this thread to say so, im not ready, abort it, its sick in this head. These men are just all vile

flumpy That made me laugh, A map. I have never heard that! I agree, i am nearly at a M1 type of map.

Been using loads of cream from boots since they started hurting its really good, i use it after baths and showers. They have not cracked as badly as they had before i used the cream, but its quite painful when they do. I didnt get told this!!! lol

Said 'map' boobs will be comfy bra fitted shortly.
Once I have finished enormous slice of Victoria sponge in M&S cafe. Sat here thinking I'm pretty strong, don't need anyone else to be happy!

Ahhh contentment - how I've missed thee!

Even cancelled ex-p coming over tonight after he said he'd need to leave by 9 for his DS so I said its ok come another time. Totally wouldn't have done that a few weeks ago!

X

just found this thread and so happy I did!

The father of my baby hasn't wanted to know since I told him, and because I have to see him every day at work (and his new girlfriend), somedays I find it really hard to cope with. Seeing him, and him looking at me in disgust as I get bigger with the pregnancy, makes me feel ashamed, and as though i was the one who did something wrong. I hate feeling like that when i should just be able to enjoy my baby. I hate the fact that I'm fixated on him because of the baby, and he gets to just walk away and forget everything.

The thought of him resurfacing at some point in the future also terrifies me. As far as i'm concerned i never want him near my son, and i've already planned a bit of a disappearing act once i'm on maternity leave.

Other people dont seem to understand how hard it is to be doing this alone (as that is how it feels even with friends and family around), and little things like going to appointments alone and being surrounded by couples just makes it harder. Even the sonographer making a comment about baby at my 20wk scan, and saying 'does he get that from mum or dad?' just hammers it home that I was used and lied to by someone, and now my son will suffer for it x

Welcome aboard!!

It's crap and nothing I can say will make you feel better but I can promise you that it does get easier and the bad days are fewer and the good ones more frequent.

My cbt therapist enlightened me today that men only feel guilt when actually reminded of their actions - ie. seeing us pregnant, but when they're away from the situation they will be able to shut it out and will rarely sit and agonise over it. This totally shocked me but it's true and us women collect guilt, beaten women wondering what they've done to make that man hit them, rape victims questioning their outfits which led the attacker on, constantly wondering if we're making the right decisions for everyone else, constantly questioning our worth in life.

Well you know what?! Sod them, nothing you say is going to make them realise what they've done so walk away and realise that you are worth it, you're a great person and will be an even better mummy!

Onwards and upwards girl and for the downs we're always here xxx

i'm quite happy for him to shut it out, if it means he never darkens our doorstep, lol!

But seriously, I know you're right, and some days are easier than others. Its the anger im finding it hardest to let go of. And the utter disbelief at his complete egomania, his utter lack of shame (he spread rumours about me at work to muddy the waters of paternity), and the fact that I once liked this person!!

Cant wait to leave work and forget all about him. I despise his very existence

and breathe.....

There are 2 ways to feel good about yourself, build yourself or push others down - guess which he's doing?! It's not big and it's not clever and every man who ever left a pregnant woman will do this in some way.

My ex-p told the world I was mentally abusing him, I had depression and anxiety and hounded him constantly, he change his number to attempt to show this, despite the fact that I wasn't contacting him. It's a game to them. They must paint us black so that they look white. It's pathetic but in time you won't care, at the end of the day who cares what people think?! If they believe gossip then they're naive!

Roll on you finishing work by the sounds of things! x

Hes a twunt!

You sound strong by your post and keep on being strong. Its awful, at my 20w scan my boy was playing with his willy and she said like father like son? I just glared at her. I guess they dont know but a women going into a scan alone they would put it together!

I am like you, i wont let him see our son. Hes just a waste of oxygen. I mean there are men that do want children and would take there leg off to see there children/support partners. Then these 'men' dont even bother.

flumpy Is that true they feel guilty when they see you? I saw my ex for the first time i was 22w and had a huge bump. When he last saw me i was still the skinny girl he once knew. Oh that has made me smile.
He did glare at the bump and me! He must think thats my child she carrying...

Oh that sponge cake made me think I want that now with a huge hot chocolate. My mum bought me mince pies, all 6 has gone[grim]

I am off to town tomorrow, going to buy myself a big mac meal(i crave it) got an appointment to go a mums group got changed last min

Welcome Preggo. Sorry you are yet another one in the same position as the others here.

Flumpy, you are sounding much stronger now.

My STBXH changed completely once he had to face me in mediation. My solicitor said it would make him face up to his guilt and he was right. There is no facing up to what they do because nobody makes them...

The thought about making them face things makes me feel a lot better....It will definitely make work easier because the thought that I'm making him as uncomfortable as he makes me is comforting. I think I've inadvertently been making things easier for him by hiding away. Well that's going to change!

Evening all, hope you're doing ok.

I had my first midwife appointment today and felt a bit strange going on my own. And then the midwife said I should find a 'buddy' for all my future appointments (scans etc), which I know is right, but it just felt like another reminder to me that I'll be doing this essentially alone. But I keep reminding myself that it's better this way than doing it with a pathetic, egotistical, bully dragging and kicking his heels behind me every step of the way. The OW is welcome to him doing that to her during HER pregnancy, but he is not doing to it to me in mine!

Because that's how I think it would feel with these men - like they were just dragging us down and sucking the enjoyment out of this experience.

As you can tell I'm feeling very bitter at the moment, but we are all better off without! We only need one baby in our lives!

Sleep well. xx

Lol, well said Lou

had a long, bullshit email from manchild yesterday- going on and on about all the reasons why it is my fault I am pregnant and therefore he doesn't want to be in the child's life. Apparently I was older (and???), I teach sex education in my primary classroom (and???), I told him to ejaculate inside me (and I didn't even have to point my gun at him to do it hehehe - knob!!), i 'promised him' I would be ok (not get pregnant). What a complete Tosser, idiot Men like this actually exist and i am now very worried what this baby's innate, genes /brain is going to be like if the dad has a brain like this.

he could've just said it all in one line instead of 500 lines.
Dear ex, I am not man enough to take on my responsibility, goodbye.