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Facing pregnancy alone?

999 replies

thedogsrolex · 12/07/2012 18:30

There seem to be quite a few threads lately posted by women facing pregnancy alone for whatever reason. I was thinking maybe it would be a good idea to have one ongoing thread for support and advice...what do you think? I know it would have helped me way back when I had dd? (apologies if there is already one, I haven't come across it).

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Flumpy2012 · 09/09/2012 19:37

I'm scared that once she comes I'll feel worse and want to be a family though! How do you get over those feelings?!

Do you have contact with him? x

Pickles77 · 09/09/2012 19:42

I want it to be the other way. I want to be a family now, so hope I won't want to be when she's born.
I am not meant to but seem to keep devoting my time to trying to get
Him back Sad
If you want a read I have a thread in chat called can anyone help me. It's a long depressing read... I found out I was pregnant about 18 months into our relationship (second time) and at my 8 week scan I found out I was nearly 22 weeks.
As I didn't/wouldn't terminate he basically made us homeless. So I'm back at my folks.
If I terminated he promised me a holiday engagement and wedding. And to try and conceive a year later.
It's heartbreaking.
But
If u read that and my thread and can tell me why I still want him that would be great. Because even I don't know Smile

tries to be brave

skyebluesapphire · 09/09/2012 19:54

Hey girls, stay strong. Those babies need you to be strong and independent and you WILL do it.

Pickles - spacemanfish is still texting and Facebook messenging every day! But I'm being a bit cool as I'm not ready - and dont think he is totally right but he is a lovely guy

Pickles77 · 09/09/2012 19:56

Aw that's nice, could be a friend Grin
I'm considering putting a profile for friendship on there to boost my confidence? But I'm not sure.

Flumpy2012 · 09/09/2012 20:43

Skye

When did you feel ready for that?

I wish I didn't still love him or want him but the thought of hugging, kissing or even having another man in the house other than him makes my skin crawl. Is that normal? Do I just feel vulnerable because of pregnancy?
I cannot see a time where I don't want him or can get over him :-(

Help! x

Pickles77 · 09/09/2012 20:45

Flumpy I'm told it's a time thing and that it will eaze when we see our baby's. I've everything crossed Smile

Flumpy2012 · 09/09/2012 20:51

I can't wait that long!

It takes every fibre of my strength not to call and text him all the time and tell him how I really feel and fall into his arms and feel safe again.

I really think when I see baby I will just want to share it all with him :-( x

Notmyselfatall · 09/09/2012 20:52

Pickles, that's exactly how I feel. Just want dd out so I can move on too. X

skyebluesapphire · 09/09/2012 20:54

Hi Flumpy. i signed up initially just to see who was out there in this area and was amazed by the number of people. BUT there are a lot of pervs on it. If anybody asks you to webcam, then tell them to F.O.!! lol

Its been 6 months since my STBXH walked out initially and just 4 months since it was all definitely over. I am not ready as I do still love him. When I went on the date it felt like I was cheating on him and I wanted to cry and I did cry afterwards :( but it was a good thing to do, I had a lovely afternoon and it did prove to me that Im not ready yet. But it did also prove that I AM moving on, slowly but surely.

You girls need to have your babies, give yourself a few months to heal, emotionally, physically and everything else. When you least expect it, you will meet somebody. As soon as I stopped looking, I met my (STBX) H and we were together for 10 years. I cant regret that time as I have DD, but I do regret that I was married to a man who thought so little of me and her that he could just walk out.

Ive had another look on POF and also signed up with match.com now

Pickles77 · 09/09/2012 21:00

I've been going like this since 22 weeks it's exhausting I can't lie.
It's wrecking me. Do you have GP and midwife support? And how about counselling?
Im on quite a heafty dose of anti d, and I have such terrible days. Im angry I'm sad I'm bitter.
My other thread reads tragic, some of my posts on here do. Mumsnet gets me through, there's always someone on here for support, hand holding and they never give up helping me.
I would not change my pregnancy now, but I have times where I think of adoption or I am completely inconsolable.
I know exactly how you feel, I dont leave my house much. I also know that if I don't try and make myself be strong I will make myself very very ill.
I'm already doing so in a way.
My poor parents have signs all over their house today, of positive mantras for myself.
Try writing down 15 things that are good about you, just you alone.
I hope I'm helping if im not just tell be to shut up xx

Notmyselfatall · 09/09/2012 21:48

Pickles, i too am on anti d's. 20mg but need it upped. Defo. I do suffer with depression and severe OCD. Had it awfully after births of dc. Praying I don't this time. My life is pretty hard at best of times, made harder by caring for my ds and the sadness I feel for how he is. I hardly leave my house too, shut myself away all the time. Have few friends. Just try and get on with things best I can. It's not a bed of roses...my dc Defo keep me going. As for xp, I am the opposite. I feel nothing for him, he was very strange tbh, hindsight is a great thing, hey?! N I am certain I do not want him involved. Don't regret my pregnancy, but do regret Gettn pregnant to him Sad I do get where ur coming from though about yr baby's dad, I still feel strongly for my ds's dad, who I was with 7 years, even though I know he's an arse Hmm

Pickles77 · 09/09/2012 22:05

I feel a bit stronger after pouring my heart out for a week.
I realise tonight that I need to stop this, only I can stop it and sort out our future.

Today I made small changes.
Tommorow im making massive changes and a lot more research.
Smile

skyebluesapphire · 09/09/2012 22:10

Notmyself - i dont know what you are on, but Im on Citalopram. i was on 20mg but went way downhill again so they upped it to 30mg and I have felt much better since then.

Notmyselfatall · 09/09/2012 22:31

Well done pickles, you're doing well x
Skye, I have bn on Citalopram and it did work brilliantly, just stopped feeling the effects after being on it years, now on fluoxetine/Prozac but I don't feel it's helping. The dr is soo reluctant to put it up until after baby is here, even with my history Hmm x

skyebluesapphire · 09/09/2012 22:33

I think they are being sensible, I have a friend who had depression and severe OCD issues in connection to her first DS, always worried about his health etc. They just got her levelled out with pills, then she got pregnant again and they took her off them

Notmyselfatall · 09/09/2012 22:37

Really Skye? Yeh the OCD is the worst. When it hits hard it's terrifying. X

Flumpy2012 · 10/09/2012 09:55

Hello all

I dont have OCD but I have been very anxious and very down during this pregnancy. I do feel lighter from not having to be a fulltime step mum now and trying to please everyone.

I've never found anti D's helpful personally, but I know lots of people who have. I have started cbt, I see a psychiatric nurse and the infant parent perinatal service and also do a bearing the blues online course with some phone support. All these things and the knowledge that having a baby is a miracle and I'm doing it alone has all given me strength to keep going on difficult days.

Lists are good, writing a list of all you need to do and ticking it all off gives a sense of self satisfaction and I reward myself when I've done everything! It also stops me from sitting and wallowing web if I don't get everything done xx

Pickles77 · 10/09/2012 11:05

Hey, I was having a fab day, had achieved loads. Will list all for you later. I'm on 200mg of sertraline.
That twunt must just know when I'm doing better.
Just got a text after deleting his number.
Im in a public place by the way so my meltdown hasn't gone un noticed...Blush
Saying-
You know I don't love you. Never did. I'd write a list of all your faults but I can't be arsed. Too many. Your not for me.
It's simple!

NotGeoffVader · 10/09/2012 11:17

Ha, Pickles - he is a complete and utter lowlife. And it's grammatically incorrect, making him even more of an arse than I thought.
I am glad you deleted the number. I would be SOOO tempted to reply saying "Sorry, who is this? I have just got this phone" but that might be a bit mean.

You may want to write a LONG list of his faults though - I am sure that you will need a new pen before you finish.

Am out today but will be back online later. PM me if you need to. xxx

skyebluesapphire · 10/09/2012 11:22

Pickles - he is a twat. He is hitting out at you to justify his own behaviour.

My ex DID write me a two page letter of my faults, after I wrote him a letter telling him how lovely he was...... BASTARD is the only word for these men.

I dont need a twunt like that in my life and neither do you. And anybody who can send nasty texts to a pregnant woman needs his nuts chopped off.

Hold your head high and ignore it. You are worth a million of him

Pickles77 · 10/09/2012 11:31

Got no ink left!
Hahaa I didn't retaliate I made it to my friends and vented!!
I'm going to post all my achievements today later as he has just spured me on!!

Notmyselfatall · 10/09/2012 11:31

Hey all. Flumpy that sounds interesting. I too was seeing the psychiatric perinatal team, have saw psychiatrist and psychologist in the past. I feel that these anti d's are doing nothing for me. Awww pickles :( what an arsehole! I hope you're ok x

Flumpy2012 · 10/09/2012 12:17

Not myself

I went through midwife who referred me to talking space to get the online beating the blues course which offers practical solutions.

I'm currently despairing calling letting agents, none of which want to accept a dog, a baby and housing benefit. Argh!!! I'm not a snob but wanted to avoid social housing as quite a lot of the council estates here have bad reputations :-/

angelelle · 10/09/2012 15:50

Hi guys, jumping in here a day later! I am trying to convince myself that I still dont have feelings for the twunt but I know that I still ache for the whole family thing. I am still in shock that someone can say they are your friend, respect you etc etc and as soon as you get pregnant they treat you like a broken toy. Actually, we still had sex when I was 2 months pregnant but then he found a new toy and now is living with her and refuses to speak to me. It hurts. Spoke to solicitor again today (free advice). good to know what my options are but makes me thing, MY GOD has it come to this, the person you shared everything with and now we might just have to speak through lawyers!! It is horrible. And the worst thing is I know he doesnt even think about it, I am sure me and the baby dont even cross his mind, apart from when he thinks about how I have ruined his life or worries about money. I think I am still in shock 7 months on. It is crazy. Doing everything I can to move on but hurts like hell still to be denies and to deny his daughter. I too just want her to come now so I can focus on just her!! 3 weeks to go.

Oh and I got counselling through my midwife the first few months...it was OK, I didnt get much help from her but good to have someone impartial to chat/cry to to save dumping too much on my friends!!

Anyway, bought a bunch of nappies today. It is all becoming so real now, freaking out a bit, lol!!

angelelle · 10/09/2012 15:51

oh and Pickles, anyone who says stuff like that to a pregnant woman doesn't deserve to be called a man. That is what I try and remember about my ex, all the nasty things he said to me during my pregnancy, when I am having a funny five minutes :)