40+ Lone parents

[WillIEverBeASizeTen]

I'm 49 and a lone parent (13yo and 20yo) am I in the minority on Mumsnet? It appears alot of the LP's here are a lot younger!

Hi all, I'm 51 ( eek) with DD's of 16 & 14 so I could be a grandma to some of the young 'uns on here!! (just)

Enjoyed readinh this thread, hope we can revive it WeesaD!

Or start a new similar one?

hope this post continues too, ive only just joined!! mum to 3 ds 21 dd 17 and 8 im 46 feel out of the loop at school i must admit.....they seem sooooo young lol! would love to chat to other mums. Im a single mum too and v lonely at the moment with older 2 doing their own thing, Amber :-)

Hi Amber and BB! Well then we'll revive it ourselves!

How long have you been single?

3 years since ExDh & I split & just over a year since the divorce was finalised.

Just a bit fed up today, money is so tight, & the arrangements made as part of the settlement that seemed so reasonable,at time of divorce negociations are not buying what they did.

Ex refuses to pay a penny over his maintenance amount per month which is the upper end of what the CSA would enforce, so I'm lucky but it still doesn't keep up with the costs of feeding, clothing etc of 2 rapidly growing teenagers.

I'm retraining to be a college tutor, but can only do it part time, as I have to work, so it will take 2 years before I will be earning more. Then my daughter will be off to Uni, more expense!!

hi bb and wd its so hard isnt it and oh the csa!!!! Ive just managed to get a small amount from ex p after filing a claim a yr ago, my first payment from him in her 8 yrs not lol!
He has never seen our dd and says he never want to. She really struggles with this bigtime and has emotional probs over it, so heartbreaking.
I get very lonely too.
Im from surrey, where are you??
xxxxxx

Lincolnshire Amber.

I'm 41 have 3 ds aged 9, 3 and 2. Left my cheating dh a year ago and have moved back to Ireland where I am quite happy. I am on the lookout for new pals and trying to join things but lack of free time is an obstacle. Boys keep me v busy which is probably good in a way but i could do with more adult company. i'm not sure how I would meet a man or how to slot him into my life anyway but I wouldn't mind a Christmas snog!

Hello all, I am 45, mum to a 9 year old and seemingly destined to be single for ever more. At least the remote control is all mine tho

And me, although I have a BF for the last year, am I still allowed? 47 yrs, 2 DDs 17, 15, and DS 5.
Know what you mean about not being in the loop at school, and everybody seeming so young. Have never had the grandmother thing, though- does that mean I look young, or is everybody polite in the home counties?

Im in Hampshire and have been single for almost 6 years.

44 with an 11 and 7 year old. LP since July. Just about coming to terms.

That's an interesting one. How does one come to terms?
I was only in a brief relationship with the first one (abusive so a lucky escape) and moreoff than on with the second who ran as soon as I was pregnant so I have never had the family dynamic. So I guess what I mourn is what I want and not what I had, if that makes sense?

Hello ladies...

I am the originator (is that a word?) of this thread and thank you to those who have revived it

I'm 50 (was 49 at the start) youngest DS nearly 14 (god help me) still on my own and think I probably always will be (secretly hope not though).

However...being able to stay in bed on Sunday morning watching 3 hours of Downton Abbey...because I can has to be a pro doesn't it?

wheels in hits a rock lives up to name lands at ten feet .Would someone mind helping me up and all done without spilling my drink

.Im the imposter of group not quite 40 but dont fit anywhere else ,but been here a while glad to see the thread up and running again

Im single parent to 4dc ,ds1 almost 18 ds 2 even near to 15 .dd8 and ds3 6 .
This is my second time around as single parent but I am finding it ok

Ten how are you ? and yes must admit teens do have their advantages i now have my own baby sitters

rock noticed that you are back in Uk hope the gorgeours dd has settled back in .

bossybritches

well done on the collage thing I like to go back to study when i can find the time .As for the csa i got letter telling me they are redeucing mine as x has had another dc .ffs £10 a fortnight now will be £5 for 2 younger dc not each wanted to tell them to stuff it up his arse and light it for me .

amberjane

ds1 and ds2 did not see their dad from wqhen ds1 was 2 and a bit he walked out leaving me with toddler and a 8 months pregnant one xmas morning .

They saw that dad couple times when ds2 was a baby then he fizzled out yes theres been times when was hard but they decided about 18 months ago to see him .

Ds 1 said ok seen him not interested .Ds2 sees him maybe once twice a year but has told him thank feck mum brought us up not you .Even hsi dad agrees that the only 2 dc he has had no interaction with are ones that are doing ok .

ddand ds3 not seen theirs in over 2 years .Truth ds3 meh he can not remember him and really does not care .His dad left when he was 18 months old .Dd remembers him talks now and then about him but is not worried about him fathers day she gets sad

weesa

Somedays i wish had a night in shining armour but truth knowing my luck i end up with a idiot in tin foil .

But i admit i do not think I could ever live witha man full time again even if did meet someone .Am to use to doing my own thing and bringing the dc up how I want .and on whole don think i am doing to bad a job .blows own trumpet

ten you stillsinging in that choir ? Me i break glass or drive everyone out

Oh and roll on Christmas I am moving he19th of December can not wait .

And christmas day is a lazy day .is just me and the dc at home so .Ds1 has a roast , ds has a curry i made the night before and dd and ds3 have pizza .which make sit so easy for me .No one to nag for a traditional xmas dinner

And i have the perfect excuse to avoid going to people at their places have no wheelchair access

Hi Ladies

This looks like a nice thread!

I am 47 and have a lively 3 year old boy, feel 102 today!
Been single since he was born & quite happy although could do with a flirt now and again!

Hi jules feeling eveyone is caught up in the Christmas rush and the weekends .

I am looking forwards to the day ds3 and dd are old enough to be like ds1 and ds2 who as teens do not rush out of bed .Infact i tend to think a cattle prod would be good some days

Hi am going to join thread -
Am 47 have 3 DCs
DS - 25 years
DD - 23 years
and DS 3 years
Split from partner on saturday - would love to join/meet other single parents (my age!!!!) groups. Has anyone found anything that was a success?
Am in London area.

Thanks guys.

I am 45
dd 14
ds 12

live in Sutton (Surrey) and work near Reading
would like to meet with some single parents :)
happy to do so at weekend

Hi..I'm 45, 3 DC's dd's 14, 14 and ds 11.. My divorce came through on the 18th of November but I only found out a week later.. still a little shocked tbh.
Packing up my home as I type and moving to new place on 9th December.
Ex H instigated the divorce... no affairs etc.. just very unhappy marriage.
This looks like a lovely thread... I'm on the south coast near Brighton.
Thanks all... x

Whew! Just had a quick read of the thread. I'm 46 - 4 DC - dd's 8, 6 & 2 and ds 4. Been an LP for just over a year. Live Middlesex/Surrey borders and work near Shepherds Bush. Don't often get the chance to post/read posts, but will certainly make the effort now I have found this one...
Lovely to see so many of us.

Thought I'd try joining this thread (don't normally stray far from Special Needs). I'm 43 and I've had two batches of children (25 and 23 and then 9 and 6) and two stints as a lone parent. With the first two I decided things would be better / easier if I split from their father and it was really (which isn't to say that it was great and plain-sailing). From when the little one (at the time) was 4 'til he was 10 it was just the three of us then I was with my husband for seven years and we had the two little ones before he was killed in a road traffic accident in 2005. Our 9 year old is a sweetie but at the same time a bit of a nightmare the little one is autistic and obviously that brings challenges. I never have been a serial monogamist, in many ways I am quite self-reliant but lately I often rue and resent being on my own.
I'm in Herts

Hi I am 45 with a DS 15 and a DD 12.

Just coming up for 2 years as a LP

During this time have moved house , started FT work again and if my barely adequate solicitor ever pulls her finger out I will be divorced any day.

XH left and got an OW on his way out but she wasnt the cause really we hadnt been happy for a while.

This OW came with a vast family which he has amalgamated into and they are still together. DC have regular one night a week /every other weekend contact and being fair XH is decent all round really regarding contact,support and money.

I have sailed along OK really after the initial traumatic months and mostly been happier than in a long time. However lately now I am working FT I get frustrated that everything falls on my shoulders and all the little things like lost mobile phones, calls from school about behaviour etc etc etc . Meanwhile xh does as he wants and has a sort of Disneyesque life with them

Of course as I wanted custody I know I cant complain.

Being single is something I feel quite mixed up about on one hand no way do I ever want all the trappings of living with someone on the other will I ever have sex again ?

I do sometimes wonder if I dont go down the internet route if I am likely to meet anyone . It doesnt help that almost without exception my friends and family are with someone.

Dunno really like I said mixed up !!

Agree with 4nomore and gettingeasier. It is very tough and I sometimes feel resentful that everything falls on my shoulders. Like 4nomore my husband died unexpectedly and whilst dealing with the funeral, sorting out the will etc kept me going intially I have had to make significant changes not just financially but also emotionally. No longer having someone to talk to is VERY hard that's why I was so glad to see this thread and to read some of messages. Just need a sounding board really. With having two under 5 I have been able to take loads of unpaid leave, but of course, the sticking point is that it is unpaid and the little money which was left - if I am careful, will, if I keep working - allow me to take further days/weeks off as unpaid. Sometimes, I find my children just need me around - not for any particular reason. How does everyone else cope? It must be tougher being divorced/separated?

4nomore - have you joined WAY?

Pigtails I am sorry to hear that you lost your H and havea struggle to keep going financially.

Funny you should refer to it being harder being divorced/separated, in many ways for me it is because he chose to leave me - the rejection and ongoing necessary contact and news of his life caused a lot of pain.

However now I am over that side of things I think its easier because xh having the DC gives me regular break and he pays maintenance.

Perhaps when you can get back to work regularly that will help not just financially but having people to talk to - not that I do in my job.

Back later