Where have all the fit, interesting and available men gone (part 30)

[lilacisinlove]

Yay! I did it again!

ah that sounds rough esp re your mum - have a unmnetty (((((((())))))

Are you saying that he should have told his work there is a court order and he hasn't - should they take maintenance out of his earnings?

My exh and I have a private arrangement and so far that works but in five years time he will retire (!!!) and not sure what will happen after that (ds1 will be 19 but ds2 only 14) plus he has two new dcs with newp.

Are you working atm? (sorry if you have mentioned before)

Ahh Aurora just about to go to bed and saw this.I know how you feel re Exs contact with dd.I have come to realise that despite a court defined contact order i can never rely on Exp to see ds's.I would definitely inform CSA of Ex new job.The way i see it if the exes cant give their time to dcs the least they can do is support them financially.Especially if this now makes it hard for you to find work.

Oops sorry Hi Sin xxx

:-( aurora

flame - what you doing up so early!!!!

Aurora :( I know how much difference even a short break can make. he is an arse.

Hope you all had fab days yesterday. My girl woke me up at 6.15 shouting ' surprise, happy mothers day' and threw about 15 home made cards on my bed. bless her, she was SO excited to be giving me things. She then made my breakfast... did it all herself. and then we went round mums for a bit and then the whole family went to the very nice pub ( no sightings of pub boy.. but plenty of others to steal a quick glace over)

So - a lovely day :) I feel very lucky to have such a wonderful daughter.
When her dad finally returns i shall miss her when she goes to visit him.

Snape - PM say anything at all?

Flame - :( at carrott.

Fairy - we want to hear all the TG details!

Ive heard nothing from mr big. i felt a tiny bit guilty for all of about 5 seconds and then thought it was rather misplaced!!

Still talking to boatman, although, hes starting to annoy me.

thanks sin he didn't last time and manged to keep to less than 40% of it (according to my solicitor). csa were aware of his last summer job and still let him get away with paying only a fiver a week, despite me begging them since march to put a deduction on his earnings. am not working at the moment, willl need to be soon so that dp and i can start looking at mortgages for house together with both children. that isn't going to happen for long time and now witht he bloody government bringing in these charges to use csa, won't be bloody worth it which will please x no end - i will end up, in effect, paying x!!!

thanks beaut and flame and took.

sometimes when i get a break, much as i love dd, sometimes dp doesn't have his son and that means we have some time on our own to just relax and be ourselves and not just parents. ho hum.

flame i'm sorry about carrott too

took sorry pubboy wasn't there

am thinking of telling csa cos i know x bloody won't.

and to add to that, i've now moved by dp and i'm overthinking again - i think that i won't see dp as much as i would like to, will see him just as much as i did when i was catching the bus to see him he has a day off today, no son while he is at school - dd wanted to see her dad which would have been lovely that me and dp had time together

morning all. I won't get this right, sorry if I miss anyone

Monty

Snape, he fancies you for sure

Sponge, loving the sound of the 22 yr old

Took, lovely mother's day stuff

BNM, great news re the house

Aurora, glad you are in, re ex behaviour

to everyone else

V busy weekend chez Mily. Saturday we had my grandmother's 90th birthday party with a big gang of friends and family, which was lovely. Especially nice was how keen TLM was on joining in and how sociable he is - X usede to always find something better to do and I used to joke with my cousins that he really did exist, i wasn't making him up.......

Yesterday was lovely, TLM and the DDs had conspired to make the day really great (although DD2 was a pain in the neck until about 2pm....) - flowers, home made cards, nice smellies, a cd, yummy biscuits, posh breakfast with bucks fizz....lunch out at the pub where we had our 1st date . I try not to make comparisons all the time but honestly, X never made any effort for anything and TLM is just so thoughtful, it brings me to tears (DD2 "mummy, why you cryin'?" "you be happy, NOWWWWWWW" )

Strawb woke and I couldn't sleep.

lol @ boatman being annoying - what's he doing?

your mothers day sounds great both took and mily

Carrot apologised. He was actually coming. Even worked out karaoke song. Said he was just going to turn up with his mate rather than saying he was on his way as he wanted the surprise element, but they stopped for kfc on the way which tipped the mate over the edge. We're doing a day trip next Saturday.

Been asked for a drink by guy on pof (can still contact me through old message). Seems nice enough but I've already cancelled him once months back because his pic just does nothing for me. not hideous, just meh. Feel like I should with embracing moving on, but also can't be arsed.

glad he said sorry. and day trip sounds good.

boatman is annoying me for the following reasons. Please feel free to tell me im either very sensible to be annoyed. or am being stupid and getting annoyed which can only lead to the cancellation of the date...

1. We were texting yesterday and he said the suposed he had better get the 'crazy woman' a card... becuase she does a fair impression of being a mother.

I find it wrong for him to be saying that.. esp to someone hes not met.

2. again, not really my business, and i realise that this may not be the truth. but he said he wasnt with his first childs mum when she got PG, they were just friends... and then, 9 months after the birth of the first child, she got PG again.. but they have never been together? I should not judge.. but it just doesnt sit right with me at all.

3. i think he assumes hes going to get laid on our first date. I may very well decide too.. but i dont like the assumption, it pisses me off.

4. One min i think he is actually interested in me as a person... and we have had some good conversation, hes funny, and clever, good job, clearly solvent, well travelled, etc.... but then he says something that makes me think hes just after a whole lot of sex. Again, this pisses me off.

So - im fully aware i am probably doing my ' hes pissing me off, good, i can cancel now ' thing.

And if someone went over my life there are lots of things that people could easily judge... which dont make me look good at all.

or - am i being totally justified in my pissed offness?

oh and.. just remembered another one. when i was painting all my fence pannels, he asked if i was doing it wearing hotpants and heels... er.. NOPE!
I told him that it was the real world and not some porn painting the fence film... and he just said he can imagine what he wants! While amusing, thinking about it after makes me feel uncomftable and like he has got a really warped idea on reality.. i mean, who wears hotpants ( in march!!) while painting fences?

TK - boatman sounds a bit meh and tbh if you are having reservations at this stage - hmmm

Tookool, If you decide to meet him do it in the day and don't even think about having sex with him. How come you haven't met him yet. Does he work away? I would tread with care.

The guy I've been seeing is back from his hols and been in touch, he did get in touch when he was away. Haven't replied so far.

tbh boatman sounds like an arse. it's a glorified presumptive booty call with a lot of pre-booty-call investment.

TM this morning. evil bitch woman bumped me out of the way, for last seat. i stood all the way to destination and had to stand with my back to TM in order to face direction of travel or i'd be sick. rubbish! I did manage to take off my coat and roll up my cardi-sleeves so he could get a good swatch at my tattoos though. (as in 'lookatmeeeee! lookatmeeeeee!!!)

nothing from PM as yet re: CD. suspect ebay seller did not post it first class on friday as promised, so it will arrive today or (preferred scenario) Pms downstairs neighbour has nicked it - saving me a whole heap of

mothers day lovely, if quiet and happy mothers day to all of you doing the hardest job in the world with little support or understanding and the general of society at our 'broken' families. job well done, ladies. :)

We has a blow out this weekend. Went for meal on Friday night then out for a few drinks. Saturday had the afternoon tea, then a bottle of champagne. Then DD was unexpectedly free on Sunday so we went out for lunch, then had steak for tea. I got a lovely card too Oh and a really bad tummy which kept me up most of the night. Still not well now.

sorry, took - the thing about your own life and people judging you - we all excuse and rationalise our own actions, so anything that you might not necessarily be proud of if it's taken at face value, can be legitimised by experience and circumstance - you might not be giving boatman a chance, because you are attributing some things to him that may not necessarily be true - however It would be off-putting for me to hear the mother of his children refered to 'crazy woman' to someone who doesn't know her (or him!) I think there sometimes needs to be a certain level of smuttiness before you meet someone sometimes, so you're not under any illusions, but there are charming, flirtatious ways of doing that without sounding desperate. or alluding to hotpants and heels.

:( adamschic.
how come you havent replied? not interested? Ive not met him because im not dating at the momment. lack of childcare and enjoying taking a break from it all really. Interestingly boatman and i had talked a little bit last year ( when i was on pof before) and when i re registered he started messaging me. Initially i mostly ignored him as he gave out the distinct impression of being sex obsessed. Then i got talking to him a bit more and he seemed more interesting...... now im not too sure.

Snape - yep. i think you are right. Though im not without blame. i may have made the whole thing worse by being encouraging.. but then after the 'crazy woman ' text.. ive been thinking about a few things. So - do you think TM was looking.. i bet he was :) You need to say hi, or can you not mouth 'hi' at him? then if he doesnt respond sort of yawn afterwards... pretending the original 'hi' was not a 'hi' but in fact, a yawn? and thus preserving your cred :)

i dont know if im making a mountain out of a molehill and they are just throw away comments that ive made into more than they are? or if im just expecting too much from men generally.. and that on the whole, they mostly just want to have sex with you?

Boatman said he really just wanted to fuck me.
i said that he didnt know that. he hadnt met me.
and he said that i could be a total nightmare.. but it didnt matter he still wanted to fuck me like there was no tomorrow.

So, not only indicating that indeed he just wants a shag, but also that 1) he has no standards and 2) my personality etc... is just not even in the equation.
But fgs, my whole marriage was based on sex, and tbh, that is not a good base for any kind of proper relationship.

But generally, it seems thats mostly what most men are like. Does seem to matter if they are 'nice' with good jobs and read the guardian.. or if they are abit less 'nice' and read the sun.

Im obviously stupidly overfeminist. but it fucking riles me. maybe if it didnt bother me quite so much, dating would be a whole lot easier.

fence painting in hot pants! i have never heard anything so ridiclous in my life!

snape - you are right again. i was willing to overlook the other things but the 'crazy woman' text just really made me a bit

adn yes, a certain level of smuttiness is fine. hotpants while paintiing the garden isnt that. Actually, i remembered he asked me what i was doing, and i said painting the fences... and he said.. oooh are you in hotpants ( yes, as size 14 id look lovely in them!!! and yes, im likely to be in them at lunch time.. im my garden, while im painting' i said that i wasnt, it was the real world..
and he said he had seen people in them today
and i said, yes, but i bet they were teenagers....

and he said that they were young.

oh dear. hes a total arse isnt he. well - least i figured it out before meeting him.

ho hum.

I don't like boatman. The sex stuff wouldn't bother me. I was discussing sex with download in a golf hut but the actual first date was good, and no sex mentioned (though again... daytime!)

You don't slag off your ex though. It is only in the last month or so I have ever ranted about xh to Carrot.

The two children but no relationship... I would say there would be a bond after having a child from any set up, so sex at a later date makes sense.

All that though... I don't like him.

forgotten everything else except to Grrr at train bitch.

flame. you are right.
i dont mind discussing sex. I think thats half the problem really. and actually boatman has commented and said im very open.
im totally comftable with my sexuality and seeing as most of my friends were/are males.. it really doesnt bother me at all.

but i still would rather someone wanted me for me.. as opposed to my body parts.

bloody trainbitch! and i promised lilac I'd step it up as well!

I still have a couple of gentleman-callers that are basically just wanting to fuck me, without ever having met me. That just makes me think i'm regarded as a series of holes with some movable flesh. I'm actually fairly intelligent, funny have brilliant kids that i've raised well on my own - am independent, have a very responsible job, a reasonably good moral outlook, socially conscious. I think too much of myself to be deemed an easy-shag. I'm not. i'm a complicated shag! fuck it, my self esteem might be pretty shaky at times, but I'm not that desperate yet.

Just as well I'm up my own arse, as no-one else is...

(again, disclaimer: i don't think anyone else who has joyous, casual alliances is dseperate, or easy or anything else that we label people, just so it's easy to define them. just doesn't work for me. I know it doesn't. it'd be fine at the time. I'd boast the next morning - I would be utterly insufferable...I'd feel awful for the next few weeks - that isn't worth the fifteen minutes of squelch.) :)

With the exception of Matt i am done with easy shag for a while at least.

yep. i pretty much feel the same way.
i have a fair few of the same... and like ive said before.. i dont get why they keep coming back even after you have said no.
I asked boatman about this, becuase i said no last year, and then ignored his for weeks on and off this year... and he said ' men think its wiser to fish the same hole at least twice... if you have had at least a nibble of attention its easier than starting again'

jezze. why have i bothered talking to him?

and yep - you are all those things. and so am i. and so are the rest of this board. Plus i think maybe, with a failed marriage behind most of us, kind of makes you want someone who wants you for 'you' not someone who just wants you becuase you are a 'series of holes with some moveable flesh'

and i can assure you i do not look hot in hotpants. i would look awful. and im not 18 and neither am i kylie... so why would i even own a pair?

ponders starting up a 'fit and interesting' kylie tribute act

....'fish the same hole....'

no! took! he's a catch! don't listen to us! shag him!!

OR

do you think that im just being a tad defensive and expecting something unrealistic?

That actually i should be flattered? and just take it as banter ( if a bit crap banter) and im just being a bit precious?

i