Where have all the fit, interesting and available men gone (part 30)

[lilacisinlove]

Yay! I did it again!

Woke up at half past six to a email from OKCupid, saying I had a message there from PM. Finally, he's seen the light I thought, ever the optimist. Clicked through and it was 'hey, just to clarify, you came up on a random match, I wasn't being nosy! Beers soon!'

I responded with, 'absolutely inappropriate, proof if any more was needed that this is pointless. The only 'interest' I seem to get is from nobs or people clicking on me in error. I wouldn't have known you'd looked at my profile as I'm hardly ever here and don't religiously check my visitors. So the time has come to delete. Ahh well. Never mind.'

Have deleted my profile.

This, of course made me late for work, so I raced out without brushing my hair or bothering with make up to have a rare incidence of train man. the only seat available directly opposite him, our knees brushed, he tried to smile at me, I look like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards, fighting all the way and I can do sod all else but scowl at people right now. This unrequited nonsense is borderline insanity.

I'm not pretty, I'm over-weight, I have three children who are a bit odd (which I like!) I'm hardly a catch. I give up.

If there are any chocolates going, I'll have some. slightly early for . slightly...

ah snape. :(

no words of wisdom just total understanding. if i wasnt on a diet id be scoffing the chocolates with you!!

But by the way, you ARE attractive. I kind of feel the same right now. im not pretty and am chubby! and its not so much my child who is a bit odd as it is me ( which i like). I also give up.

Mr big - well. i have decided after a whole lot of thinking that i dont actually want him either. i did. but i really dont now. Something, im not sure what has changed.. .and yes. when i speak to him its very easy to fall into familiar habbits and yes. i do love him or care very deeply for him, probably always will. But i dont want him.
I just dont know what more i can do other than ignore him.

i think unrequited things can be nice, but eventually they make you a bit nuts. I was and am quite glad that i decided to chuck it all in for the momment, and i have no childcare.. so im just focusing on DD and i. And im really quite happy and enjoying things, until mr big unsettled that monday.

Im still talking to boatman via text and msn and we are meeting up when he gets back from china. But other than that i have no plans and im liking it that way at the momment.

anyway - just wanted to say i understand and maybe a break from it all would be a good thing.

Morning ladies.

Anyone else want to add me to facebook, I am on Flame's friends list initials CP purple shoe as my profie picture.

Im feeling really frumpy and fat at the moment, I think I might go back to slimming world again just to drop a few excess punds to boost my confidence.
I have a whole day off Saturday, the boys dad is finally taking them out, im not sure what im going to do with myself tbh.

message on pof! He is sorry for ignoring me Sat night.... I've not seen his profile before and was out sat night. Still seems cute if not v young so replied saying i am totally lost but hi anyway.

Snape - Carrot has done that before too. Grrr.

message on pof! He is sorry for ignoring me Sat night.... I've not seen his profile before and was out sat night. Still seems cute if not v young so replied saying i am totally lost but hi anyway.

Snape - Carrot has done that before too. Grrr.

Ooooooh! He was also out Sat night!! He was with my mates husband and apparently his friends are all telling him to talk to me. I vaguely remember questioning them about him. I have told him that I am fabulous and he should indeed talk to me.

Took, thank you. :) think the problem is that i judge other men against PM and they lack. so i'm not really into dating either at the moment. I tried. it didn't work. I have enough to keep me occupied with kids and work and various other things, but that doesn't compensate really for someone on my side that looks out for me and will touch me in all the myriad ways. So, yes. i butt out. it's been 20 months today since I have even been kissed in a sexual way. I cannot bear anymore of this, so will ignore PM for a while and see how I get on.

The worst thing about OKStupid this morning was clicking on his profile, which i had been avoiding on a matter of principle, because it felt weird and the link on my touchscreen is right next to the email alert thingy and i was tired and sod it, I was being nosey. and I've read it and he's just utterly my type. Even just in words on a stupid internet dating site. I can even see myself in the type of person he's looking for.

payday for me = x a sodofalot.

titsalina, hello! I'll add you on fb if i may? I'm on various MNers profilers, specs - initials DL. Do all feel free to add away, misery loves company! ;)

lol, snape. you are me! lol
i totally understand, 100%.
( even in the dating site thing... i may have done the same thing with mr big!)

its poo.

thought ive not been 20 months. almost 6. but it seems longer.

As you know i started ignoring mr big on and off. just not talking to him as often... for jan and feb. and then didnt talk to him at all for most of march. and really i can say i dont want to be with him. i still care for him. but i dont want to be with him.
And i know that i cant talk to him anymore else this will just hold me back and ill be stuck in this cycle of never quite moving on. Its not going to happen and heck, i dont want it to.
It might be the same for PM and you?

drink wine, eat chocolate and look afteryourself :)

titsalina, you can add me too. Im initals NM on flames FB

yeah, except just now, i do still want it to happen, in all probability it won't, but i still really really want it to. hopefully moving on will come with time and a little distance. I do realise that I can't talk to him about this any more, though, because it will hold me back and I won't move on - but I'm not ready to move on yet.

I'm irrationally angry. can't be angry with someone just because they don't feel the way you do, can you. (rhetorical... I know I can't) I want to be in a place where I'm happy for him finding someone and I won't be. I'll be jealous and cantankerous. That makes no sense at all... and the f*cker used one of my quasi-chat-up lines in his sodding profile! the cheek!

poor trainman, trying to catch my eye this morning i think. I have lazer eyes of annihilation today

i guess the remedy is exorcism. I'm on a delete-spree today. his mobile # is next. sigh.

countdown.

:( it will change at some point im sure. Time, distance??? something will give.

and you are entitled to be irrationally angry if you want.

and, whats this with train man... he was trying to catch your eye!?!?!? woohoo. now. thats something to think about instead :)
what if he wants to talk to you too??? what if somewhere hes on some forum somewhere talking about 'train woman'.
:)

( and you are better than me if you manage to delete his number. )

anyway. on a side note im off to that very nice pub on sunday for mothers day lunch. i shall not be able to flirt or do anything seeing as im with my whole family. BUT i shall be able to letch at 'pub boy' :)

Snape you are attractive, your kids are gorgeous and obviously get their individuality from their mum. You should be very proud of yourself.
Being different is no bad thing, but unfortunately it takes a man with balls to be able to handle being with a proper individual. Don't lose faith and, in the mean time, can't you find a ride on shag piece friend with benefits?

it'll change, everything does i guess. fed up with feeling like this about it, but stubborn enough to not actually do anything more about it with PM. he knows how i feel. I can't keep saying the same old thing and have given up doing so unless he asks. Then i just have to say that nothing has changed really. I still feel the same. it's still inappropriate for him to kiss me hello and goodbye on the lips and for us to be physically if non sexually close. Think my OKC message suitably obtuse to possibly hint at the thought that the 'this' that is pointless is he and I, rather than just the site.

god, couldn't even look at trainman. looked fuck-awful this morning. puffy eyes, no make up. Caught his eye in the reflection in the window. we both quickly looked away.

does deleting it from my current phone, but knowing it is on my old phone stashed at the back of my knicker drawer count?

pub-boy! wha-heeeey! shall continue to sit on the shelf vicariously involved in everyone elses love life as it is pretty apparent I will not be having one of my own for the foreseeable. (bitch, moan, whine, wine!)

actually have had an offer from a potential 'friend-with-benefits'...he's 27(!) and it would be dead-behind-the-eyes-porn-fucking as opp. to romantic, tender, eyes open kissy stuff. I really want the 2nd type - used to be fairly promiscious in my yout', so i've kind of had more sex than most people my age, i guess (who knows!) but might have to settle for the porn-fuck-where-you-don't-really-have-to-like-someone-that-much I spose it would at least get it him out of my system for a bit. the thing that bothers me about that - i have a friend who goes on NSA sites, let's guys buy her dinner and then fucks them. I think it's right for her, just now - but not for me. doesn't mean i'm 'better' than her, i think she's honest about what she wants - but I don't really get that detachment. it's really a posh wank, non?

(this by no means is intended to judge or criticise anyone who does tread the casual route. it doesn't do it for me...well, actually it might, it's been SO BLOODY LONG I've forgotten!)

slaps self.

I agree that I prefer the 2nd type too, but when it gets to a stage where you are horny enough to want to start dry humping the furniture, then a real live man is better than ruining the furniture

I can just about think far enough into the past to remember being like that. Yes it is pretty much posh wanking, but until you can jump train man find an alternative, it may help? I don't know how much you just want sex, in comparison to how much you want PM?

hmm. I don't know either. that needs consideration.

I'll think about it later if I can drag myself away from the corner of the kitchen table for an appreciable period (tmi!! [wink!])

At least if it's the kitchen table, it's wipe clean!

lol.

i dont mind 'porn fucking' so long as its not dead behind the eyes. Im not all that good at casual sex either, which given my open ness on the subject normally surprises people.

I may have not mentioned that boatman and i may have ventured down the ashely cole style of texting ( again!) but lots of normal texting and conversation too.

so - er. yep. im being ever so classy and grown up! lol

Nothin wrong with cole texting

Dead behind the eyes is bad. I think in some ways Smurf was too much the other way - very much eye contact which I found disconcerting considering how little I knew him.

The bloke from Saturday seems really nice from his profile. Only 23, but meh, still older than Mattarse . We'll call him Sunset. (Added to fb today for nosy ones)

he hasn't logged back in yet. obv had to check that my profile was def deleted...

ugh this is bad. though! yay!

oo. 'sunset' :)

I've just had enough of the very casual. I need to know someone for a while and my stupid annoying head knowsthinks that i only get cole-texts when certain men (theres one or two in my little black book) are feeling horny and there's nowt else to do. I'm of the opinion that i'm not pretty (yes, yes, i know...) and a bit chubby and the best thing that I have going for me is my mind. and an incredible set of knockers!

shall cruise the 'relationships' thread to glory in being single! :)

Mine are awesome

His username is sunset summat - I am not being creative. It was that or Random Dude.

:) it is national cleavage day apparently. raises to awesome boobs. :)

Will join you in the in a min

oops. might have just done something daft or lovely...

see what happens when i'm left to my own devices....

spill...